Society and the Single Girl: Why You Shouldn't Fall For The First Guy

With the hype of Valentine's Day far behind us, all singles can go back to browsing social media without the constant reminder that they are forever alone. However, there's something about the need of relationships, and the lack of one can send just about anyone to the unknown land of Tinder, where who knows what you'll encounter. When someone likes us, it's enough to make anyone happy and weak in the knees so that when they ask us on a date, we say yes. Why? Because, it's a date. Dates are crucial to have.
 However, there's something about the need to be in a relationship that we settle for one with the first person who comes along. We live in a society where you just need to have a partner, and when you don't have one it's like you are left out of this super-secret society. So when someone finally looks like they may have a chance at entering that ultra secret club, they are going to take it, right? When you've been single for so long, you're going to want to say yes to the first person that comes along for you.
But the first guy that you fall in love with or ask out may not be the guy for you. Sure, it's while it's good to go out on dates, you shouldn't do it just to have a date. Just like you shouldn't say yes to someone you maybe like or could like over time because they are the first guy to give you the time of day ever. Why? Because, you're selling yourself and that person short. You shouldn't date someone just for the bragging right. You should date someone for the fact that not a moment goes by when they don't cross your mind.
The label is nice, but it's just a label. It's important to look past the hype of getting a boyfriend, and focus on the person that you would want to share with. If you want go on the date to get the experience, but after that, evaluate your feelings. If you're not crazy in love, than maybe you shouldn't be dating that person.
Take home message here is that relationships are about feelings, not about labels. 

The Expectations, The Pressures, and The Roles

I hate the fact that there's a bunch of "shoulds" and expectations in life. I hate that you have to measure yourself in numbers, such as how much money you have, how many likes you have on your selfie and how high your GPA is to measure success. I hate that as a woman, I'm expected to fill the role as a homemaker and mother or fill the role as a bitchy boss with no in-between. I hate that if you don't have sex than you are considered to be a prude, but if you do than you're an automatic slut. I hate that boys will be boys when they do something stupid. 

There's so many expectations out there that it makes my head spin. As a woman, I'm expected to be a certain way. And, it's a lot of fucking pressure. I want to talk about the pressure of relationships, as it seems to be a prominent one. Some people expect you to wait until you have a ring and a cupcake looking dress to lose your v-card. But, what if I don't want to get married? What if I want to have a partner, someone who I live with but don't share a last name or a legal right to? Does that mean I should never, under conservative view points, never have sex? 

Society is changing, but still we romanticize relationships and weddings as being the ideal goal. We still view marriage as being an ideal goal, but we don't know what that little expensive rock entails other than forever love and happiness. We've grown to have expectations for what marriage is, what it means and what will happen when we are married. The same goes for a boyfriend. We expect to be happy, the label means that you're one of the cool kids. 

However, the unofficial relationships, the kids who are out there committed to each other but don't label it, are the ones are even better. They are the ones who are two people who think they are special, they love and care about each other, yet they don't say what the relationship is. In some ways, those are viewed as cheap relationships, because the couple is viewed as being screwed up because they couldn't commit and make the label work. But they are the ones who are making things work their own way. 

Success is also measured in numbers. How many likes did you get on the last selfie you posted? Did it make you sad that you didn't get as many as your friend? Or, what about your GPA. Did you make Dean's List? If you didn't, but still got a 3.0 GPA or higher, that means you've failed. And that's fucking stupid. 

I think relationships, numbers measuring your self worth and trying to live based on what other people want you to be is just dumb. In life, the only person you have to please is yourself. Not your mother, friend whose outspoken or your grandparents. People will have their own version of you, and therefore give you their opinion to do what they think makes you happy. However, you're the one who has to live with it, the one who has to look in the mirror in the morning and like what you see. So fuck them all, listen to your heart and remember that sometimes the only voice that matters is the one you have internally. 

Society and the Single Girl: The Correct Way of Falling

Love is something that is strange. Everyone on this Earth carries a love story in their pocket. Some of their stories ended in tears and tragedy, while others ended in joy. Every story, however, is different then the next. It varies in cast of characters and situation. However, they all have the common bond which is love.
As a clueless teenager who didn't know anything about love, I would read magazines such as Seventeen and Cosmo! I would use them as bibles to tell me how to talk to a guy and flirt with him effectively so that he would ask me out. I would read over them intently, memorizing their content better than I ever did for any exam in high school. I thought they contained the answers on how to score a boyfriend, but I ended up spending most of my high school time being single. All of those magazines would say different things about relationships. Some would say to jump into it without thinking about, while others would say that you need to test the waters before jumping in headfirst. Needless to say, the teenaged version of my was extremely confused as to what was the "correct" way to score a boyfriend. None of the flirting concepts felt right, and none of them ever felt like me.
Disregarding the matter of whether or not I needed a guy by my side to rule, I don't believe there's a correct way to get a boyfriend. Everyone has a love story, and it's not written according to the rules set by someone in a magazine. Some people fall in love with their best friend. Others fall in love with their neighbor. Some people go online to meet someone whose the person whose right for them. My best friend Gabu met their boyfriend online while they were studying abroad. Their parents met when they were in college. An old friend from high school met her boyfriend in college. Former classmates of mine met in the halls of my high school. See? Everyone's story is different, but it's still beautiful. As I still search for Prince Charming, I wonder what my story complete with a happily ever after will be like. While I believe that it's a question of fate and being at the right place at the right time, I also believe that it's up to you as well. You could search left and right to find someone, and not find anyone. You go on Tinder with the belief that it's going to find someone. But, unless you go out with that person who you gave a green heart to, you're not going anywhere and your relationship status won't change. Sure, you found a cute guy to talk to, but it doesn't mean anything because you didn't get his number or ask him out to coffee.
So, to the younger version of myself and those who credit their education of the opposite sex to a stack of magazines, here's my advice. I believe that you should throw out the magazines, and do whatever your little heart desires. Talk to that person, do things your way. Don't listen to others, and try to ignore the rules that others believe is right. In love, there's nothing right other than what is right for you. If you find someone who takes your breath away, talk to them and see where it goes. There's no correct way to find someone and to fall in love. It's 2016, you can ask a guy for his number. It happens to everyone at different paces. Sure, the magazines may be helpful, but the editors don't know you by name and story. So, do yourself a favor and listen to your heart. I can vouch that it knows you better than you know yourself. 

Sex and the City: Carrie's "Big" Problem

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I've been a fan of Sex and the City since I was a junior to high school, and consider Carrie Bradshaw to be one of my biggest influencers. I also credit her to being the reason why I started to blog, which later lead me to decide I wanted to write professionally. However, even though I'm obsessed with the show, I have a few bones to pick about the show that as I've gotten older that I've been having problems with.
I speak for myself when I say most of the show is extremely relatable. I'm a lot like Carrie. For example, we're both shopaholics, we both overthink and we both are writers. However, the portrayal of her relationship with Mr. Big was a big too overdramatic.
Carrie constantly overthought and overreacted to many things when it came to that relationship. For example, when Mr. Big hadn't called her after having sex on the first date, Carrie assumed that he didn't want to talk to her ever again. Later on in that same episode, Carrie began to think that Mr. Big was ashamed of her based on a few minor details. Naturally, he wasn't. She later storms in and yells at him. Another example, is a few episodes later when she farts while in bed with Mr. Big. Through out that episode, she tries everything to get him to sleep with her again. Notice the pattern? She often jumps to conclusions.
These are just a few examples that we see in the early seasons of the show, where Carrie and Big's relationship was the most prominent one featured. Each of these moments demonstrates Carrie being insecure about Big and whether or not he actually felt something for her. I think she wanted the relationship to be perfect, so if he showed any signs of pulling away, she'd assume it was because he was no longer interested in her. And, that's not always the case.
People aren't always going to act like Prince Charming 24/7. Mr. Big is an example of that, because he had other things going on in his life. Since he was a big businessman, he'd often have to travel and be away.

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Carrie on the other hand, would just obsess constantly about the relationship. She often would do anything to be with him, such as ditch her friends, and later on have an affair. While Carrie and Big were in fact meant to be together in my opinion, her behavior in the early seasons was often seen as being over the top. She's overanalyzing her fart, and then she makes a total idiot of herself as he's trying to watch a baseball game. If someone's watching a game, chances are they wanted to be focused on the game. And it has nothing to do with Carrie.
I think the reason why she's acting this way is simply because she's insecure about the relationship ending, and that he's going to leave her based on the fact that she's not perfect. She's so afraid he's going to leave her, so when he does something that's out of the ordinary or something that mirrors him pushing away so she'll freak out about it. And that's a big problem in my opinion.
When I first saw the show, I honestly thought her behavior was normal. As I got older, I began to realize that she's acting a bit too ridiculous when it comes to those things. Don't worry Carrie, I still love you. But, you have to chill out and realize Mr. Big actually loves you. 

Society and the Single Girl: What Does It All Mean?

Nowadays, there's so many different kinds of relationships that go much further than the 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' label. There's friends with benefits, there's people who get together for sex and of course there's just two people having fun without the label. However, I must ask the hard question. How do you define a relationship? Like the real thing, where suddenly you feel it in your bones that he's the one. (Or she) What if you're committed to each other, but not to the label of significant other or partner? What is someone to do?

I don't know much about dating. My past two relationships were about five years apart. Both of those people were people who considered themselves to be my boyfriend. Especially the first. The second thing was something...but I didn't know what it was. And instead of having fun and enjoying it for what it was at face value, I constantly stressed out over what this was and where was it going. 

Now, as I enter my twenties, I ask myself what does this all mean? What does it mean to be someone's boyfriend or girlfriend? Is it someone that you have fun with, really like to the point where they are the root of your smile and just want to be with? Or, is it someone who you like to spend time with, and you don't want to be with anyone else? That's my definition of a significant other or a boyfriend/girlfriend, but having that label in some senses equals that extra security blanket. Is the label just that extra thing to have, kind of like one would have extra money? And what does the label mean, exactly? What if you have something that is better than what those with labels entail, but once the label is put on, then things shift?

I have so many questions, which is good for a journalist. However, it's bad when I'm impatiently waiting for the answers. I've written about relationships in my blogs in the last five years, but I wonder even if I got older if I'm wiser. I still don't have the answers to everything. Whenever I talk to a cute guy, getting his number is so scary for me. I don't know what it means to have a boyfriend, because I've never had the real thing. And when I tell people about that, they say "don't worry, you'll find someone." Is having the real thing, a boyfriend (in my case as a cisfemale) the answer to all of my questions? The real thing being defined as having someone whose your boyfriend on the internet, because it's that official? Or is the real thing what you feel when you're alone with that person, they are holding you, and it's your definition of perfection?

A little food for thought. Are we after the meaning of the label, or are we just interested in having the label?

Let's Talk About Love

Love to me has different meanings. We love each other, as we build friendships that mean everything. We fall in love with someone who we hope to be our soulmate. We need to pick out a career path that makes someone happy to go to work every morning and feel actually fulfilled. And of course, we need to learn to love ourselves for we are in a relationship with ourselves longer than we will be with anyone.
In my opinion, we often think that love means being in a relationship. And that's the furthest thing from the truth. Let me break down all of the ways of love that there are out there, because there are more than one.
Loving Yourself: As I said earlier, the most important relationship one can have is the one with themselves. And it's also the most difficult one that we can have. It's the relationship that is also the most complicated. I think to love yourself doesn't mean that you have to love yourself everyday or will you be happy with yourself. Like every other relationship that you will have, the one that you have with yourself is the most complicated. With that being said, I believe that we're never complete. Instead we are constantly evolving and changing into someone different. I believe the true definition of love is when you're taking care of your needs, and realizing that you're a human who makes mistakes. Loving yourself means treating yourself to things that make you happy, such as getting frozen yogurt by yourself or lounging on the couch with Netflix or a good book. Why? Because you know you're worth it. I think we're too critical to ourselves, and that needs to stop. We all make mistakes, and we all do stupid things. The key is to simply learn to love yourself and your flaws. Learn to own being alone. That way, you'll never be lonely despite whether or not you have a boyfriend.
Loving What You Do: I think everyone needs to have a career where they love what they do so much that it's no longer a job nor is the work in the classes in that field considered to be work. It's what you're going to be doing. I'm lucky, and I found that love with Journalism. I am a Journalism nerd and I am excited for my future. I love writing, and I have a long way to go before I am out in the world. However, I have had some amazing opportunities. I can't say one negative thing about Journalism. I love the interviews. I love talking to people. I love writing a story, even though the topic bores me. I love being torn to shreds by my professors, because I know that's going to make me a better person. I think when you find a career that makes you this excited, than you know you're destined for great things no matter what the pay is.
Loving Who You Surround Yourself With: Friends, friends, friends. They are the people who are like family. They are the people who you willingly choose to be in your life. They are the backbone to every good story. They are the unpaid therapists and support systems that you get during good times and in bad. That's why it's important to surround yourself with good people, people that make you happy. Why? Because you deserve it. Plain and simple.
Love in Relationships: Relationships are tricky. People always want to get in them, because they are the sure ingredient for happiness. Or that's what they think anyways. However, you don't really need someone to make you happy. You need to learn how to make yourself happy.
The biggest thing about relationships, at least in my point of view, is timing and feelings. Your heart is a bigger compass than your brain, because it knows where you're going better than you ever can. It knows what's right for you, even if it's not logical. Only you know what's right for you, and that's something that a lot of people don't get. I don't know why, but I'm never worried about relationships. What's meant to be will happen. Sometimes, I believe that we try to be a bigger being than fate. Now as I enter my 20s, I simply let fate take the wheel. Why? Because I want to be with someone who makes me feel amazing. I want someone whose touch never lose the intense heat or burn of the fire. I want someone who knows me better than the back of their hand. And finally, I want someone who I am happy to be with, and I feel right being with. I may be only 21, but I know what I want.
So at the end of the day, these are the opinions about the various directions of love in my life. I believe that there's more to love in life than a significant other. And if you're doubting it, remember that you're loved. If you have friends, great books and a great place to call home that's love. No boyfriend is required. 

Society and the Single Girl: Relationship or Career?

It seems that there are two types of girls. The first type is the type that puts their career first. They are driven, yet lonely. The second type is the type who puts their relationship first. They are the type of people who have regrets of the things they did because of their relationship.
I am neither of those people. While I am not in a relationship, I am thriving in my career. In fact, one can say that I am in a full-fledged relationship with my career. I currently have two journalism related jobs. One of them is my internship at College Fashionista. The other one is becoming a staff writer at my hometown newspaper. Both of those jobs I love and I am so happy that I have those opportunities to do so. Whether it's interviewing someone for the Hamden Journal or scoping out a Style Guru for my College Fashionista internship, I am in love with it. Every day, I become more and more in love with it. With that being said, I believe that I've found passion that I've only heard when people talk about their partners.
While I am thriving on the career front, I am currently having nothing to report on the romantic front. It's probably because of the fact that I have been so busy with my journalism opportunities. Either way, a relationship for me just hasn't happened. However, when it does, I know that I want to be more than the girl whose relationship is her biggest accomplishment. I want it to be one of them, but it not being my whole life. I have a lot going for me, and it's still going. I still have more living to do and more opportunities will soon be on their way. Relationships, on the other hand, will come and go. But as Lady GaGa once said "when choosing to pick between your boyfriend or your career pick your career because it won't get up and leave you."
 However, I firmly believe that you shouldn't have to pick between the two. We should get to have our cake and eat it too. Careers and love should be center to one's life and have equal amounts of importance. But, sometimes they will be one priority over the other. And for me, right now, it will be my career. For others, it will be their relationship. And whenever I get a chance to be in a relationship, I will be sure not to have it overpower my career. 

Society and the Single Girl: Celebrate Love, Celebrate You

Recently, I saw this article on Elite Daily called "We Should Praise a Women's Professional Life as Much as Her Romantic One." The article was insightful, well written and something that I couldn't agree more on. If you want the Sparknotes version of the article, pretty much it's an intelligent young woman's views on how weddings are more celebrated than a woman's professional accomplishments. 

I've personally noticed this especially on social media. I can even give you a personal example of this, if you all are curious. A few weeks ago, thanks to my job at the Hamden Journal, I got the opportunity to get backstage access to my town's Kansas concert. This opportunity included getting a chance to interview a band member, as well as other members of the Kansas team. Needless to say, I shared the experience on social media. I expected to be rolling in the likes, however, I was disappointed to see I had only received a few. It was then I realized if the post had been about getting into a new relationship, or about celebrating a relationship milestone, I would have received three or four times the amount of praise on social media. 

This is sad in my opinion. I have friends that are in relationships. Some believe they have found "the one" while others still aren't sure. I've noticed that whenever they post things, on Instagram or Facebook they are basically raking in the likes. As much as I like to see a cute couple, shouldn't we also work on focusing on a woman's professional accomplishments? 

At 21, I would say that I'm working harder than ever to get as much journalism experience as I can. I scored a job as a freelancer for the Hamden Journal, a Style Guru for College Fashionista and of course I have a blog with about 29,000 views. However, I still don't have much of a romantic life, nor do I have a significant other to brag about on social media. Furthermore, as my list of accomplishments gets longer and longer, there's one thing that still remains to be a void in my life. The fact that I don't have a partner or boyfriend. 

My question here is why do we feel like we need to have a boyfriend or partner in order to feel like we're something in life. Is it what we are programmed to think? It sucks that women aren't considered successful unless they have a relationship and a man to come home to. It's 2015, not 1955. Women are lady bosses and women have done big things. It shouldn't matter nor should they feel like they are incomplete unless they have a partner. 

I think we should celebrate and 'like' all accomplishments whether it's a new boyfriend, a promotion or writing the front page story in a paper. There's more to life than having a boyfriend. I just wish that the rest of society viewed cute couples the same as success. 

Society and the Single Girl-It's All About Knowing

For as long as I've been a part of the dating scene, I've used Google as a guide to help me navigate its' craziness. Thanks to Google, I would be able to access thousands of articles about the body language of a guy that I would be interested in, and then use as a guide to conclude things about his behavior. I would also buy thousands of issues of magazines-whether they were Seventeen or Cosmo! as an attempt to fully grasp what a guy who had feelings towards me and was attracted to me, would act like and say to me.
Over seven years later, I can say I've learned one thing. And, wasted a lot of money on magazines and hours on Google. I've learned when someone likes you, you're going to know. You're not going to need a guide printed out from a silly magazine that you got at the grocery store nor are you going to need to look it up on Wikipedia. Although I will say thanks to my research I have learned a lot about body language and behavior, which is pretty interesting if you ask me.
I've written so many blog entries over the years about the very topic-how do you know if someone likes you? How do I know if he likes me? On my older blog, I've deliberated it time and time again about whether or not someone had feelings for me. I wish I can go back in time and assure myself that you will know. And how will you know?
It's a simple equation really. You'll know by the way they look at you, and they look at you like you're the only person in the world who means something. You'll know that when they say they like you and go out on a date. You'll know they like you when they hold you and you know they like you when they seem to have the desire to actually listen to all of your crazy stories. I'm not good at math, and this is only the beginning of the criteria of how to know if someone likes you.
Sometimes, it's okay to indulge in a simple Google search. But the real answer is, it's a feeling that you get. At least, in my very limited experiences anyways, as well as hearing others talk about it. 

Feelin' 1989

Six years ago, I was a fool for love. I was obsessed, Bella Swan style, with this guy who really didn't like me. (He says he did, but I was annoying and constantly called him.) When he broke up with me (cause I was a stage five clinger, let's face facts), I didn't think I could actually love someone else. Oh, how dramatic I was at 15!
Over the past six years, I fell in love with my best friend (who didn't like me back,) went out on countless dates with someone who didn't know what the hell he was doing, and dipped my toes into Tinder. (and dipped them right out, because that was creepy)
Taylor Swift once said 1989 was the album one feels after the breakup. One where the tears were gone, and you were ready to start again. I guess you can say I'm feeling 1989. Or, you can say that I'm ready for love.
While I'm not going to look for it like a crazy person, I am going to be open to it. I am ready for the next chapter in my dating life. I am ready to finally put behind my many mistakes, my many flaws and the things I did five years ago. I am ready to meet someone who may or may not be my Mr. Right. I'm ready to become someone's partner, significant other or girlfriend. I am ready to be open to the possiblity of being hurt, while experiencing joy in the moment.
I want to experience love, because simply I'm open to it. I no longer am going to let something that once happened a long time ago define how I'm feeling now.
The thing about love is it truly defines you. While I'm not interested in letting a relationship take over me as a person, I am interested in finding someone that will means something to me. I'm okay with being single, but I am also okay with being in a relationship. I believe that one is mature enough for 'the real thing' when they are content with being alone but find happiness (to some degree) with someone who thinks that you're wonderful to look at and makes you smile.
As Madonna would say "I'm living for love." I guess you can say I'm just that. And one day, I shall find it.

The Story of a Relationship

Note:  The following poem is an original poem written by me. 

 

Begin.

It was an early crisp fall day.

Some say that January 1st is the day of new beginnings.

I think that the new school year is a time of tabula rasa.

You sat right next to me.

One day, you said hi.

I wondered if you were always sitting there.

Or, were you something that I noticed now that the surroundings have become familiar?

I didn’t know that by a simple breath, a simple hello.

That I didn’t want to ever say good-bye to you.

Will you ask me?

Will you ask me to be your girlfriend?

Will you ask me to the movies, where who knows what happens in the dark?

Will you do more than gaze at me and never let your feelings known?

What are we?

Are we more than friends?

You smell awfully nice for me to be just a friend.

You paid for my ticket.

What the hell is going to happen next?

The day after December.

I went to your house.

My friend drove me.

Your friend liked her.

For the first time, I thought that maybe this could be something.

I wondered what was going to happen next as you hugged me goodbye.

And comforted me later, as I cried.

You were something.

You suddenly began slipping away.

It was gradual.

I started to notice.

I wondered if it was because of me.

Or was it because of the ghost that haunts your closet.

The demons were too strong for me to compete.

So I took a step back.

Noticed how much you truly were eclipsed with a sea of darkness.

I wanted to be your superhero.

I wished I could take it all away.

However, the battle was meant for you to fight.

I didn’t know when to run.

All of the signals were there.

Yet, I was too stupid to ignore them.

It took one sentence to change my mind about you.

Someone who I thought was good and pure.

Someone who I thought would always have something nice to say.

I didn’t want to think about you.

It hurt that I choose someone who wasn’t you.

It felt like I wasn’t good enough for someone perfect.

I wondered would I ever find that complete perfection?
Or would it be something that I would look at through a glass?

I didn’t know if I ever would achieve that.

I avoided you.

I avoided thinking about you.

If I saw you, I would run away.

That got old.

So, one day I approached you.

I faced my fear head on.

I then wondered what I saw in you.

I look back and feel like that was a lifetime ago.

I managed to come back from you, forever realizing that you are vanilla.

Yes you were perfect.
But your perfection was a result of striving to be perfect.

I will no longer be haunted by your memory.

And, I am now over the blue eyes I once thought were attractive.

Our story is over.

But my own is still happening.

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do...When You're Not Together

Ever have this happen to you? You know a fling where you're going out on dates with someone, and you're clearly in like with them. However, your relationship status still remains to be single. Have that happen to you? Well, it's happened to me a few times and to be quite blunt it's not exactly the most fun thing in the world.
Breaking up isn't reserved for couples anymore. There are more than one way to define the relationship other than 'single' and 'in a relationship.' There's friends who have sexual relations, friends who are flirty and may go somewhere, and there's friends who were our former love interests. There's the guys that you go out on dates with however nothing happens. There are so many different kinds of relationships that do not meet the criteria of the standards on Facebook. Then, there's the obvious kind of relationships where a couple is sickening with love.
Breakups are hard to do when people are in those relationships with no definition. In the past year, I've experienced something along those lines. The steps are all of the same because there is some kind of dissolution of a relationship. You need to listen to confidence building music, (hello Beyonce), and then you need to eat tons of chocolate. Those are the prescriptions that need to be written for a breakup. Then, comes the time when you have to delete that person from your life. Take down the pictures from Facebook, and delete their name from your phone. You gotta do what you gotta do.
The way that modern day love and relationships work is that we are trained to go slow to the point where something may not end up happening. Some people are not meant to be together, that's a fact. Love is something that is similar in that.
But get back in the game, tiger. Make me proud. Just because that bum broke your heart doesn't mean that there's a shortage of other guys. 

Society and the Single Girl-How Do I Know?

Everyone says this so much that it's becoming a cliché. When it's right, you'll know. However, I am getting so tired of hearing it. I constantly question it. How do I know that he likes me? How do I know that he's the one? 
I think at some point or another, we've all been there. I'm at the point when I hear the whole when it's right you'll know thing that I want to throw a shoe at them. The people that tell me these things are hypocrites, in my opinion. The marriage of me parents' generation, or at least some of them, often end up in divorce court, rather than to their 50th. I am from that generation, a living and breathing ball of uncertainty about relationships. After all, my dad who was supposed to love me, support me, and never leave me,  left me. How can someone whose not tied to me by blood not do the same?
When it's right you'll know? Well sometimes I fear running out on a pure limb because I worry that I will look stupid. I worry that on some occasion knowing can be wrong and the things that I know turn out to be wrong. I worry that what I believe to be true may very well not be.
I wish that there was some way, sure fire way, of knowing if someone is meant to be your soulmate or even likes you enough to stay with you for the time being. It would save a lot of tears, although Ben and Jerry's would be in trouble. If that were invented, then my life would be easier.
Since we don't live in a perfect world where people recite perfect words that sound like poetry, I reckon that I'll have to settle for swimming in the seas of uncertainty, versus riding in a love boat. How will I know if someone really loves me? Whitney sang that and it made her a top ten hit. But since I'm not a famous singer, I'll ask whoever loves me to 'volunteer as tribute' and stand foreword. However, Prince Charming may no be reading my blog.
Bottom line. Relationships are tricky, and maybe in a year from now I'll actually be in one instead of writing blog entries complaining about my singleness. However, in a year from now, who will know what happens? However, we are not alone. The best thing that we got to help us is our gut instinct.

Society & The Single Girl-Selfies and Happiness.

Recently, I saw two articles that discussed relationships and their correlation to happiness. One  of the articles argued that couples or a single half of a couple who posted a significant amount about their significant other is insecure about themselves or the relationship. The other article argued that couples who post a lot on the contrary are happy.

I would like to have a say in that, if you all don't mind. 

Ever go on Instagram, and find that another picture from that so-called happy couple? I have and whenver I do see it I want to ask them what is the motivation behind you posting so many selfies? I get it your happy. But posting about it every single day? Uhm, I am sorry but I am sure that you have other things going on in your life besides your significant other. #sorrynotsorry

I believe that if you are truly happy than you often do not need the justifications of someone else's likes on your profile or post. I see it all of the time--if I go to a friend in a relationship's profile, I do expect to see something about the relationship. Whether it be that they actually are in one, a selfie of them going to a dance, celebrating a relationship milestone, and of course, them doing stuff together, you are going to post about your significant other. They are important people in your life. However, there comes a time when it gets sickening. That my friends, is when we do too much of it. I am talking about a couples picture every other day. A selfie of you 'thinking about your boyfriend or girlfriend.' A status every day talking about how long you have been together, or how 'blessed' you are to have them. Yes, you are blessed to have them. But, after a while, give me a break. I am  not a bitter single girl, I just want to see something other than 'bae' posts from you every other day.

I am a private person. I do not post very much on my Facebook unless its about my articles I write at my school's newspaper, a picture or two from when I went somewhere with a friend, and a status about my accomplishments. I also have my work information and where I go to college on there as well, because I feel like that's something that I am proud of. However, I do not know if I would post about my relatonship right away. 

I would eventually. Just not for a couple of months. 

Looking at me like I have two or three heads? Well, let me explain something to you. I think that we often forgo privacy whenver we post onto Instagram, write a tweet, or post a life event. I would promote doing it, after a few weeks. I wouldn't change my Facebook status just yet, because I want to enjoy the perks about being a girlfriend. In due time, I would post about it on facebook, on my blog, and everywhere. When it comes to selfies and statuses, I think that you should post whenever you want to. Not on a daily basis, because that is ridicolous. But, if you are doing something chances are you are going to take a picture of it. If you are celebrating your anniversary, go ahead and post it. I follow those laws, because I do not think that relationships should strive on the approval of others, but rather the approval of yourself. 

I have heard once that by hiding your relationship on social media is a form of being ashamed of who you are as a relationship. However, I think that hiding it or posting sparingly, is something that should be applauded. Why? You rely on your own satisfaction, not on the justification of other people 'liking' it.So, I think you should post as much as you want...but then realize the importance of loving your relationship for you, and not for the likes.

Society and the Single Girl: Labels

Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Fiancee. Husband. Wife. Friends with benefits. Friends without the benefits. 

When staring at these things, what do you think they all have in common? I will give you a moment to ponder this as you are getting a pencil, slash getting a cup of coffee. Okay, you give up. Okay I will tell you since I am a good person and all. 

The following nouns that I have just shared with you are labels for relationships. Labels are something that cause you to put something or someone into a category, and make them that certain thing. Labels are something that add pressure to the relationship. But, where do the pressures of labels come from you may ask?

Well, it comes from society. From watching others on your social media newsfeed who are happy in love because their significant other gave them chocolate and roses on Valentine's Day while you're lucky enough to even get a 'Happy V-Day' text. We live in a society where a relationship label is sort of like a check point. Let's take the expectations of the word 'boyfriend.' A boyfriend is someone who you go out with on a whatever you want basis, buys you presents and tells you that you're the most gorgeous thing in the world. It's been a while since I have had one of those, but if memory and the help of watching a ton of chick flick movies serve me right, that's the way that it goes. But what is the need to put a label on something deriving from? Can we just have fun without putting a sticker on it?

We need labels for those perfect people out there. They are those people who have the perfect relationship with the perfect boyfriend. They are the ones that post about their bae being the best in the world. They ones who will have the perfect wedding and the perfect children where the cycle of perfection will then continue with a bang. They are the ones who ask you what is going on with that guy who you are hooking up with, and then judge you since there is no indicator whether or not you are just friends with benefits or something more. 

Those people pressure you to a mold. We live in a society where we can write our own 140 status updates, but when it comes to writing our own rules for our relationship patterns we often fall short of having something to say. The relationships that we have sometimes don't need a label. However, because we are in the world where we need to 'ship it or make it Facebook offical, we need to come up with those labels. 

I am a semi-fan of the label. I like them because then you know kind of what to expect. If I ever get a boyfriend, I know to expect that I am hopefully the only girl that he is doing stuff with, and that I can introduce him as my boyfriend. I don't like them because we are not a black and white society. Instead the lines are blurred. Of our genders, and of each other in general. Therefore, we can not expect relationships to fit those black and white labels. 

Let's just leave the labels for when we go shopping, and out of our love lives. Wouldn't that be easier?

Society and the Single Girl: DTR

I can honestly compare having a crush or a thing going on with a guy to the way that we're sick and go to the doctor and have some sort of weird illness going on with ourselves. Define the relationship for me. Is serious enough that I should look into buying a dress and a plus one to attend your wedding, or will you be going out to the bars for a hookup soon?
DTR. Define the relationship. It's also known as that awkward talk that no one wants to have with their significant other in their lives because let's face it, it's not pleasant. Especially when there's a fear running around of putting yourself out there just to be flat out rejected. How do you define a relationship though, when each and every one is so different from the other how can you define it?
The question is, how do you sit down and have that talk? Well, you're dating a few weeks now, or hooking up. You're wondering if it means something to the other party that is being involved, or is it something that is just 'for fun' and not going anywhere.
It's awkward, but you've got to do it. You need to know where you stand, and lay out your feelings out on the table. Personally, I would rather be standing on a string than have that conversation because you have a fifty fifty shot of being happy, or a shot of being flat out rejected. Sometimes, feelings just get hurt.
Defining the relationship that helps you realize the amount of clarity that you need in a relationship. When you do there's no blurred lines, and there's no chances of saying 'well you did xyz and therefore you're my boyfriend/girlfriend.' If you keep it in limbo, then you're basically playing a game where everyone's feelings are at complete and total risk of getting hurt.
Everyone has to do it one way or another. It's kind of like loosing your baby teeth. Painful, but once it's gone you'll feel a lot better. And hopefully, be changing that relationship status on Facebook.

Relationships, On Social Media

Relationships are an important aspect to life. After all, I've spent my entire blogging career complaining about my lack of one. I've explored concepts, both familiar and foreign to me. Breakups, my complaints about people that are actually in relationships and of course wondering if I will die alone are a few things that have crossed my mind over the past four years. However, I have not discussed relationships and social media.
Social media is the place where you go to tell people about your life. Some people however use it a bit too far. People tend to vent about their lives, or brag about it. How many people have seen the whole engagement ring/baby season? Well, I am happy for the parties that are involved but at the same time, I've become like okay, please shut up and go away. I have yet to figure out what I'm doing over winter break. 
I mean I'm happy for those people and all, but I really don't like to see it on my social media news feeds.
I think that social media and relationships are like recipes. You have to do things right, or else things turn into a big mess. So, posting a cute picture every now and then is a good thing. However, by basically make everything that you post about your boyfriend, I don't care how much that you love him, it's downright annoying. You should probably consider getting a life, a pet, or reading a book. That way you won't feel so compelled to write everything about your boyfriend.
This post is turning into a rant, so let me just say this. Social media has affected us in a lot of ways. Many of us feel weird if we're not on Facebook to see what's going on with that person we were sorta best friends with our freshman years in high school. Sorry, but you don't need to check that.
I believe that when done right, posting about your relationship is okay. However, when you over do it then I'm not going to want to talk to you.
That's all. 

Society and the Single Girl: Can a Commuter Date a Resident?

Where I go to school the majority of the people commute. As for the people who actually do live on campus, many of them go home for the weekend. As a commuter, my experiences differ than my friend who live there. I don't have a meal plan so I don't have to eat the same things day in and day out, which without a doubt can be very boring and repetitive. I also don't have to eat at a certain time, which is very freeing because well who likes to be told that you have to eat something by a certain time, or else you're screwed and can't eat.

Obviously, I like being a commuter because it's cheaper, and it fits for my needs. Others commute then become residents and vice versa. Honestly, college is to each their own. But, can someone who commutes be in a relationship with someone who lives on campus?

I honestly think that they can. Many people don't agree with me. 

Being a commuter student and a resident student are completely different things. Being a resident student means that you're probably more involved on your campus and have a lot more freedom than someone who still lives at home. Can that be a reason not to date someone who lives on campus if they commute?

Well, yeah. Relationship are usually a case by case basis. I know someone who lives about an hour away from her boyfriend. She lives in a dorm, while he lives at home. So far, they make it work. However, I do know couples that were together and one would live on campus and one at home, and then spilt up. It depends on this little thing called fate. 

Personally, I wouldn't mind dating someone who lived on campus, whether it's my own or not. Relationships need space, and sometimes college relationships can be suffocating because since you're on the same campus and living together, you are constantly together. That's not healthy. Being in a relationship on separate campuses kind of gives you the push to give you space that you as a couple need.

What breaks up many relationships is the whole trust factor. But, if you don't have trust you have no relationship. So, I'll leave you with this little grain of thought. It doesn't matter if you're living down the street, across town, or even in the next state. I think that if you're into them, you should go for it. If you're a commuter, or a resident. Whether or not you live at school should not be a factor of you deciding the relationship is worth it or not. 

Should a commuter date a resident? What do you think? Let me know!

Men Are From Mars; Women Are From Venus?

Have you ever heard the phrase that men are from mars, and women are from Venus? Gender is something that is a crazy line that continues to be blurred. We don't know much about the world of dating, or relationships. Or, at least I can't speak for myself when I say that. I get so confused when it comes to dating and trying to figure out the way that the opposite sex reacts. There seems to be a formula when it comes to dating--in order to attract a mate you have to follow this protocol. You have to wear a certain thing to become attractive. The guys fight to woo women with fancy dinners, and basically try to one up the other when it comes to getting the girl.

 In our culture, this is why what society calls 'geeks' or 'nerds' often have trouble getting the girl. The alpha, or the football player in our high school reference, are the ones surrounded by the many girls and often are the better looking. The same goes with the girls, with the high school cheerleader always getting the guys and the wallflower wondering when will be her time to shine. The bottom of the food chain in high school are often the ones ignored, no matter what gender they are. It's a popular topic for modern teen movies. 

Even though we behave the same whether we are either in the top, bottom, or middle of the foodchain we still are baffled by the opposite sex. And I wonder why that is. We pretty much work the same. We have beating hearts, air that circulates through our lungs, and see the same world for the most part. But, men are a mystery to me. It's no Nancy Drew novel, but I am still baffled about the mechanisms of  how the men's inner part of their brain work. But why are they so difficult?

Well, its safe to say that I don't have the answer to this, despite my education in modern magazines. There's always a section in Cosmo and in Seventeen about love and relationships. How can you get this person to like you? How can you seal the deal and become someone's girlfriend? It's like they have the secret formula to getting this, and we the consumer who wants it more than anything so we'll line up to get it like the new iPhone. Are we that different, though? 

Well men and women tend to percieve things differently. Women tend to want men that will come up to them as they are a damsel in distress with a white horse. Men want something different, but I'm not exactly sure what that is. But, the one thing that we all have no matter what gender we are (even if you are gender-queer; I haven't forgotton about you) the complete and utter confusion about the opposite sex still remains. Every high school melodrama and teenage angst pretty much has to do with it. Do they like me? Do they not like me?
So, are men from Mars? Are women from Venus? We may be coming from two separate planets, but we unite on the one thing--the complete and utter confusion of trying to figure out if someone likes you. In the mean time while you look for an answer if someone likes you, I'll be combing through the latest issue of Seventeen.
That's all folks..

Right or Wrong

Relationships are something that truly baffles me. There are thousands, no millions of people that are in relationships. They are large, they are small, and they are people that do many of things. Some are on television, and we give them our daily grain of thought as we watch the romance unfold. There's relationships like Chuck and Blair, Sheldon and Amy, and Jack and Rose. Relationships that form out of friendships, and relationships that start when you're just walking onto the street and magically stumble onto someone that's perfect for you.
No matter how many soul mates there are in this world, there's so many different versions of right and wrong. So, I'm going to ask you something. Is there a right or wrong way of being in a relationship?
Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big had sex on their first date. Jill Duggar and Derek Dilliard waited until their wedding day to have their first kiss. Sheldon Cooper and Amy don't even lay a hand onto each other because he's afraid of physical contact. What do both of these people have in common? Well, they both are married, in love, and consider their partner to be the one. One may say that the other's ways in a relationship may not be what's right for them.
Relationships aren't like a multiple choice question. There's no a, b, or c choice. I believe that there is a wrong or right relationship. And that is the relationship that is right for you. Not for people that are watching you. People always seem to have a preconceived motion of what is best for you, and what's not good for you. I don't know where they get that way of thinking, and that's just annoying. With love, you're the only one whose satisfaction is key. Everyone else...well everyone else will have something to say whether it's right. Whether you can do better or worse. Whether or not you should walk down the aisle with that person that you want to marry.
To be in a relationship, the right way, you need to mute all of that. Or try to, seeing as that can be hard to do. The way that you interact with your partner? Well, it's up to you. And no one else for that matter.