Some of the things that are hard for me to do is speak what I feel. For example, if something is bothering me, then I would either let it happen, or not say anything. Both I know isn't exactly the best things to do in a situation, because it's unhealthy to bottle your emotions up in a bottle, because when bottles shake, they explode, and when they explode, there is danger everywhere.
In friendships, there is a lot of tension, and awkward moments. In that case, it requires you to speak up, because if you don't, then you have the chance of being known as the girl who is walked over on.
So, I decided to confront a person (or two) who I felt that I had loose ties with. Sometimes, leaving the ties loose rather than cutting them off can be a bad thing because if a wound is not treated, then it festers, and gets worse and worse by the day. But, if you take care of it, then it gets better, and you feel better. And, after that, I felt pretty damn good about myself.
Why? Because I know that with time, some wounds heal. Life is too short to be angry, and to hate, so sometimes, just forgiving can make you feel better. However, sometimes, there are things that you just can't forgive, but that varies from person to person. Like, for me that's insulting any member of my maternal side (and paternal grandfather) of my family, in addtion to lying to my face.
At the same time, however, I want to be treated with respect. I want people to treat me like they want to be treated, not like how they want to treat me. I want people to view me as a person that they respect, and want to be friends with. I don't want to take any kind of crap from no one. I'm tired of being the doormat. I don't want to be stepped on giants, for being small. I want to be big, at least in my personality. I want people to look at me, and say "It's that girl. I may not know her name, but she has a good head on her shoulders, and doesn't take any crap from anyone."
Sometimes, I often struggle with learning to use my voice. When is it right to say things? When is it right not to say things? When do we forgive? When do we not? As each day progresses, I get better and better trying to understand it, and trying to find my footing. But, what can we say? I can only take one day at a time.
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