Today's Father's Day, in case y'all haven't read a newspaper or logged into a social networking site. However, some people have children, and aren't there for them to see them grow up, go watch them go to prom, support them in their college decesions and life plans, and actually be a father/parent. I'm a child of one of those people.
I believe it takes much more to be a father than just the biology. You actually have to go out there and make an effort, and not do anything stupid, and then justify that stupid action with stupidty. You can't expect for someone to have respect for you when you don't meet them halfway. Respect is like money. You have to earn it. That means sweating some bullets here.
My father and I never had a relationship. Maybe, when I was an infant, before he left, but ever since then he made some effort to contact me. However, those efforts were often soley on his terms, and often shortlived. He often made me feel inferior, often made me feel like I was doing something wrong about not understanding why he couldn't be a father to me, why he couldn't be there for me, why does he always try to make things harder when they should be easier?
Unfortunatley, I'll never get the answers to those questions. But here's a message to my father:
Happy father's day, Dad, even though you don't really deserve it. I hope you have a nice life, doing whatever it is you're doing. I hope you can't sleep at night for all of the guilt. I hope you remember how much it bothers me that you weren't there for me, and how little I want you here now. I can't be a part of your charade anymore. I can't deal with you anymore. I'm growing old, as are you. I bid you farewell, because well, I'm an adult now, and I'm not stupid. You had your chance. You chose to waste it.
So happy father's day, to the ones who actually are there for their children, living or dead.
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