A lot of people tend to think a lot about what's the best things about them, at least when it comes to their personality. For example, the best part of my personality is that I'm very friendly. (At least that's what I've heard)
However, there is something that I wish to change about me. In fact, there's a lot I'd like to change, but sometimes, you gotta leave certain things alone because those things are the things that make you, well you. However, sometimes, an old habit tends to die hard.
My worst trait is that I'm always self conscience and very insecure, with myself, with my friends, and basically in general. I often worry that I'm going to be made fun of for eating a lot of food when eating in public, and I often worry that my friends are going to get annoyed with me because sometimes, I'm in a bad mood, or sometimes, I want to discuss my own problems, instead of hearing them complain about how they are failing at something without trying, and wanting certain things to come easily to them, or something trivial like that. (I'm not getting into that whole whose problems are bigger then the others argument. We all have problems and sometimes, there isn't a solution for them. Sometimes, you do need someone to talk to, and I get that.) I often worry that I'm going to annoy everyone with my problems, and that all of my friends secretly hate me.I often read too much into things..something that I shouldn't really do, because it only makes me depressed.
The first step in getting over this strange phobia is to perhaps look at the cause of the problem; like how did the person get to be that way. I got that way, because I used to hang out with people that probably weren't the right crowd for me. I had an annoyingly downer of an ex, who I constantly sought when we were dating for attention and stuff like that. Most of all, the pressure to be perfect sometimes is a weight that has grown, especially since I've started college.
I realize that no one is perfect. I am not a perfect human being. I can't throw or catch a ball, I have a close relationship with the ground (I can't take all of the credit for that one, my friend thought of that one). I suck at math. However, there are some good things that are good about me. Like my amazing writing ability. And the fact that I've played an instrument somewhat decently for nine years. I've made a lot of friends, and I have people that love me and care about me.
My insecurities are something that will not easily go away, but my new year's resolution for 2013 is to work on it. It's something that I feel is more important than starting a diet or something like that, because I know this is a probelm that can be solved in little steps. The first step is looking at the causes, and realizing that these things can be overcoming. The next? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's to realize that there is no perfect being? As Demi Lovato says "You're perfectly imperfect, and I wouldn't change a thing".
To be contuied.