You Don't Need A Relationship To Define You.

You heard me right. 

It seems like we live in a world that is just hungry for love. We're hungry for the feeling of knowing that someone's yours, to hold and to love no matter what happens to them. It's exciting to have someone to go see the lame movies that you like, buy you flowers when they pick you up, and to have a life with. However, newsflash. 

You don't need a relationship to do those things.

What I really don't get is that couple pictures get a lot of likes on the social networking site, but when it comes to posts about things like peace, then we fall short. Sure, love is something that is worth celebrating, but when we put too much empathy on solely having someone to be with, to change your name to someone else's, you lose sight of what's really important. In addition to that, when you don't have a significant other or anyone in the picture for that matter, you're pretty much feeling like crap because everyone around you, it seems like, has a relationship in their lives.

And that has got to stop. 

Relationships shouldn't define the person. Accomplishments, personality, taste of music, and all of those kinds of things should. Relationships are the things that we strive to have, more than a career, or more than even money. What does all that matter if we can't spend the holidays snuggled up with a husband? 

I believe that you don't need a relationship to be happy. I don't hate men, but I am independent. I don't take someone's crap for fear of being alone. I don't want to blend into a 'we', I want to blend into something that 'me, and him'. I believe that there's more than falling in love and finding the perfect man. Is that something that has gone out the window?

I've watched this on Sex and the City. You can never have it all. You either pick a man or you pick a career. Well, screw that. I think that you can have it all. Sure, you make sacrifices for relationships. But you should make them not because you want to keep them, but rather the relationship is a healthy combination of mutual respect. I say that sometimes it's going to be hard. 

I see some people's social media profile, and I am bombarded with a constant update on their relationship or why they love their boyfriend 'so much.' I get that you love them, otherwise you wouldn't be with them. However, I don't need to be reminded of this every time I scroll through my newsfeed. I wonder about what happened to the 'me' in the relationship. I see girls in unhealthy relationships, when they have everything in the world going for them, and they are so depressed because they are addicted to what their boyfriends are giving them. 

I refuse to leave my obituary to be about how I was some man's devoted wife who did whatever he said blindly. I want to be the wife who adopts two or three children from underprivileged countries. I want to have a successful career as a journalist. I want friends, even after I say my 'I dos.' I want a life that is more than just being someone's honey. I refuse to let a relationship become the definition of me.

Single By Choice

There is this song by the band 'The Bangles' called 'Single by Choice.' Despite the fact that I haven't listened to it for about two years, it's been stuck in my head lately. As a single girl, I can relate to it, because many people I know think that being with someone is their main priority in life. Needless to say, it's strange that some people believe that every woman needs a man in her life to complete her. Or, at least I do.
I've heard all of the things that people in relationships say to you when you're single. First, the ever so annoying question of 'why are you still single?' It is usually followed by the equally annoying 'You should try Tinder', 'stop watching Netflix and actually go and be social', or 'you'll find a good guy when you're least expecting it.'
How about no? #sorrysonotsorry
I am not single by choice, but single by fate. I've tried the whole online dating thing, but I would rather not be looked at like a piece of meat. Let's face it, the types of guys on Tinder are a bit obnxious, and I find them to be very obnoxious. Once again, I am so not sorry for my opinion. I work two jobs, and I go to school, which I want to actually succeed in doing. At the end of the week, I find Netflix to be a relaxing way to kick back and enjoy my day as it comes. I also don't like going out clubbing because I don't want to date the kinds of guys that hang out in bars. I  don't want to be someone's hook-up, or someone's one night stand. I am not that kind of girl, nor will I ever be.
Romantic movies have also clouded my judgement into being a combonation of fate, and in the end, the guy will come to you. Life is not like the movies, although let's face it sometimes you wish that Justin Long was your knight in shining armor to save you when you're a damsel in distress. Am I the only one who wants that? No, just me..okay cool.
As a younger girl, I've played with Barbie, who naturally has a Ken right beside her. Barbie was superwoman with her many outfits, and career choices. But, she had to have Ken by her side. (I was a 90s kid, this was before they broke up.)  Naturally, this programs girls into thinking that they have to have a man, in order to be successful.
I've been single for five years this October. Yes, that's a long time I know, and I'm working on getting some cats to become the crazy cat lady. (Except I'm allergic, so I don't know how that's going to go, so whatever) I believe that love is going to happen to me well whenever it does. I am the victim of fate, so hopefully I'll have my own love story to share with you before I go onto becoming queen of the universe. I believe that there's more to life than just becoming someone's wish, contrary to popular belief.
Of course, over the past five years I've been the type of person to see cute couples on my social networking and just for a second have a pang of jealousy to wishing that I was in their shoes. As a private person, I am not sure if I'll want to post my relationship status for my 1,000+ friends to see, at least not right away. I am the type of person to gag whenever there's a post about love, well most of the time.
 I'm not axing relationships, because I do eventually want to be in one. I do want the ending to my movie. However, I don't want that to be the only point of validation that I have. I don't want to be viewed as pathetic when I say 'I'm single.' Not having a boyfriend isn't the end of the world, despite what others may tell you. Eventually I'll find my man with my glass slipper. But, don't take pity on me because I haven't found the one that makes me happy. In the mean time, can we celebrate the fact that I work two jobs, and go to school and still manage to keep my sanity?
Thank you, and good day.

Society and the Single Girl-Why Are You Still Single?

Why are you still single?
It's a question that nearly every person has encountered since the beginning of time. You're pretty, why are you still single, or what's a pretty girl like you still single? If you haven't heard those questions, or seen the hashtag #Imsinglebecause on  Twitter, well you've been living under a rock, or just pretty damn fornute.
Well, ladies and gentlemen here's why I am still single. There's two components to this, so get ready for it.
I have been single since June 2010. At that time, I was almost 16 years old. I've had one really significant boyfriend, and a rebound after that. Needless to say, I've been single for a pretty long time. During when I was with my boyfriend at the time I changed into the type of person who put her boyfriend first. I was obsessed with him, and always needed to talk to him. #crazygfoverhere When he broke up with me in the middle of sophomore year, I was devasted. Now looking back, I really can't blame him. I was sort of the girl that was wrapped around his little finger.
Ever since then, I haven't been able to open up. Deep down, I know that I've changed a lot since then. I've matured, because I'm no longer 15 years old. I realize that love isn't about obsession, but it's about equality. I've always had the fear of turning into that person with no pride whatsoever, and that's something that I never want to happen to me.
The other component is that I can never take risks. Ever since that relationship, I have a hard time opening up to guys I like that show remote interest in me. I can't flirt, and I can't show any sort of confidence. I also can't even say what I'm feeling, which results in me being friend-zoned. I'm often afraid of getting rejected, despite the fact that I so desperately want to be with someone who makes me happy. I take risks, knowing that they would end postively, which is a downfall because with risks sometimes you never know what you're going to get.
I guess that there's something I can do before I can write a post saying I've found a fella. I can start by taking more chances in life. I can actually message that cute guy on Tinder, and I can ask out the guy that I've been crushing on for months. I can fall, and not be sure that there's no safety net to catch me to avoid bruising. The thing about me is that I can tell someone to make a move on a guy, but to actually do it myself isn't exactly my thing.
And that's got to change. Part of me still shudders about that doomed relationship all those years ago. The other, more naughty part of me, craves a chance to meet someone that will actually make her very happy. It's about time that I've listened to that part of me, don't you think?

The Single Things Apply.

There's something about being single that screams pity. Pity because pets are the replacements of significant others. Pity because we have no one to go out on fancy date nights with, no one to say 'i love you', and no one to be our plus ones.

But why?

Everyone at some point or another was single. Everyone at some point or another spent the night downing Ben And Jerry's and hating the dating world. If you don't admit it, then you're just one of those people who pity us because their happy. 

But as much as I get annoyed by the overly cliche couples, I can't help but admire them in some way shape or form. I tell my friends that they should take chances and tell their objects of love that they think that they are the bees knees. I honestly lack the confidence to tell anyone how I feel about them. Getting rejected by someone is my world's biggest fear. I wonder what was the trigger of them telling their others how they feel. What made them take that leap of faith, and decide that 'I want to tell someone how I feel, and it may or may not go well.' I don't know if I have the guts to do that, and that makes me wonder if there is someone out there that would make me want to take that leap of faith. I often wonder if there's someone wondering out there wanting to take that leap of faith with me. I even often wonder if I'll find someone to accept me with my flaws. 

I am annoying, and I can be a bitch. I talk too much, and I take a lot of things way too personally. Those are my weaknesses. There's someone out there to love that about me, and hold me when I am sad. I wonder if it's possible for someone to love me with every single flaw about me, and someone to inspire the desire to take the chance and ask me out to dinner. 

I wish that I can go up to a person that makes me happy and ask him out of dinner. I wish that there's some blinding force that can drive me to tell them how I feel. I wish that there's something that I can do to make it happen. 

And then, I'll be a part of the couples that pity the single. I wonder if there's a Facebook group that you can join.