Sunday, February 17, 2013


Ever have something happen to you, and ever since that thing, you're afraid to do anything. Afraid to walk, afraid to talk or think in a way that you once perceived as being harmless? Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking, perhaps too much thinking then I need to do. Maybe if I had used up all of this time that I spend thinking about this to study I would have a four point o grade point average.
Sometimes, in life we make mistakes. We make them, and then we have to live with the consequences  We have to realize that the choices that we make often have them as well. It can be anything, ranging from good or bad. For example, my choice to say hello to the person sitting next to me in band class turned into a conversation, which turned into a good friendship. Another example is my decision to go to lunch with a bunch of friends one spring day turned into a confrontation which lead to an emotional upheaval. Everything we choose has a consequence. Even the small things, such as choosing what we want to eat for the day has its ups and downs.
One of the consequences is that you're afraid. You're afraid to jump, you're afraid to trust, and you're afraid to just live. You choose to answer a text message and bam, you've gotten yourself into a situation that you're afraid to get out of. And then, you begin to wonder, am I that way with other people? Do people perceive me to be like this as well? Is every text message sent by me followed by a groan on the other side?
But, then I realize that my fears are stupid. My fear of being alone is stupid because I am only 18. Most of all, my fears are from the choices that I've made in the past. Those choices are the reason why I'm afraid. I've made them, made that bed, and now I have to lie in it, and get the fuck over it.
The biggest thing I have to learn is that eventually everything's going to be ok. It may not be today, nor tomorrow, but it will be sooner or later. I have things that are good in my life, and if I can't see them, then I shall force myself to. I'm afraid, but I have a safety net that holds me and pushes me foreward.. That safety net is the friends who are there for me, and the family who annoys me. I'm lucky, although at times I find a blindness to see that.
Being afraid is a natural part of life. Growing past it, is the goal of life.

No comments:

Post a Comment