Defense!

Ever hear of defense mechanisms? It's a theory made up by Freud that basically talks about our reactions to stress and such. Some have repression, some act irritable, yeah there are different kinds of defense mechanisms.
My kind of defense mechanism is my mouth. I have what some call a big mouth. There is no fancy terms of putting it.) I use my mouth to defend myself. Often, it ends up in me making a complete idiot out of myself, and people thinking that I'm nuts, but whatever.
Basically, whenever I feel sad nervous, I begin to talk, or say something stupid, or sometimes both. It's something that I do subconsciously. Another example of this coming into play is when someone hurts me, I either shut them out, or call them really bad things. Or sometimes, a combination of the two. I know it's not right. However, it's easier then saying, 'hey you hurt me, let's talk about it.' I don't know why, I just do things like that. That way, I am the one doing the hurting, versus me getting hurt. It's silly, yes, but it's the way that I am.
Over time, I'm beginning to work on talking out my feelings versus shutting people out that care about me, and saying nasty things about them. I will admit it's going to take a lot of time, and I'm still slipping. But often, the road with the most bumps is the road that is needed to travel on. Chew on it.