Doubt's the Word.

I was reading my Staying Strong by Demi Lovato book and was inspired by yesterday's positive reading. And that was doubt. She asks us to acknowledge our doubts and evaluate why we feel that way.

My doubts come from my past endeavors. Especially when it comes to love. I've been friend-zoned, went through a really bad breakup, and have daddy issues. It's safe to say that due to the past, I have doubts about finding a perfect man. I have doubts that I deserve to be loved, because I feel like people would be walking out on my life, like so many people have in the past. I sometimes worry if there will be any permanence in my relationships, and there's very few people in my life that I know that down the road will always be there for me in ten years. I worry that because I went through pain in the past, the future would lead to pain, suffering, as well. Therefore, I begin to doubt if I truly deserve to be happy. I doubt if I will ever meet a guy, a significant other, that will make me happy. I mean I am getting there with changing my schema. But, a small silver of doubt still remains.
Because of this doubt, I am more than sure that it has prevented me from finding  happiness. I understand that I am scared, but I am realizing basing something off of what happened with a completely different person just hurts yourself. If you protect yourself from falling in love, feeling indifferent by it, or something along those lines than you will only hurt yourself. My friend and I were talking about this the other day. She met someone who she liked very much. Unfortunately, based on her schema of how guys treated her in the past, she felt that he was going to be like that too. It wasn't until after he had left her, she truly realized that he was the one for her. Or something along those lines. Due to the doubt she had in the person that existed in her present (past now) she put walls up, and basically hurt herself in the process. 

Doubt exists  in all of us. It's based on our pasts, ready to come in like wrecking ball to our future. The thing that we can do is to make sure that we can't let it get to us. Otherwise, it would cause us to be hurt. What we can be is cautious, because we don't know what the future brings. We don't know who is going to hurt us, but we have the power to be hurt. We can not it prevent is from happening, it will come to get you wherever you're hiding. Don't doubt yourself. Don't let them get to you. Or at least try not to anyways. 

During the next year, I plan to use some of the prompts from her book as entries. Some however will remain private. I strongly encourage you to get this book, because it really does encourage positive thinking and self evaluation. I think that's important to find self actualization, because I want to truly become happy with myself, and the world.