Not That Girl

It bothers me when girls lower themselves or beg for their boyfriends or significant others. I often lose respect for people like that, because at the end of the day you need to be happy with yourself, before you are unhappy with someone else.  Transferring all of your negative emotions onto someone else can never equal good things. 

Of course, I realize that not everyone is perfect. I believe in imperfect love, versus perfect love. We as humans are not perfect in any way shape or form. Our lines are not always straight, and our actions always bear some sort of consquence. We do things, and we make mistakes. Relationships are as flawed as we are, and we can't change that. 

However, with that being said, there is some things that we as girls can control. You can control being crazy, obsessive, and annoying about your relationship. You can control spamming your boyfriend, begging him to stay, and all of that other bullshit that I see other women do. It's annoying and it's stupid. There are many other things in life than just a boyfriend, or significant other. Get a hobby, learn to knit, or something. 

I am not that girl whatsoever. I don't need a man or anythone for that matter. I don't need someone to tell me what to do. I wouldn't beg for you, nope not at all. Why? Because then someone who is being begged to stay is someone that doesn't want to stay. They shouldn't have to be asked to; they should simply want to. That should be enough. I'm not the girl who sits around and waits for someone to call me. I have a life, and I don't want to live it at the mercy of some guy. I mean, by doing that to some degree than you are giving them some kind of power. Power should be divided equally and power shouldn't be heavily wieghted towards one side or another. I'm not the girl who puts all she has in a boyfriend, because I have a lot of other things and people to put in as well. I have things, my own things, that make me well me. I am not the girl whose going to dump her friends and stuff for a boyfriend. Just because I have a significant other doesn't mean that I have to act like a complete jerk and annoy everyone with it.  Thats not going to be me; if that is than please drop a piano on my head because that's just stupid. 

My biggest fear is to become the crazy girlfriend who is demanding and controlling. I don't want to ever have to expect something from someone. No one should have them. I don't want to yell at someone whose not doing what I want to do, because I don't think that its up to me to tell anyone what to do. I don't want to be the person that begs for her boyfriend's affection. Sure, there are going to be moments when I may want it more than others, but we both can't be around each other 24/7. Thats impossible for both me and him. I don't want that relationship where I'm constantly doubting if he loves me. I shouldn't have to; it should be automatic. I may come with baggage and I may come loaded full on with insecurities, but that doesn't mean I have to take it out on an innocent male. If you doubt the person you're with than perhaps you shouldn't be with them. Don't make an idiot out of yourself, because of this. 

I don't know or understand how girls can do this to someone. Maybe now that they are comfortable with that someone, you can let your guard down, and it may or may not be as shiny as it was. Maybe the girl is insecure with herself, and worried that something is going to happen. Maybe the girl has been hurt countless times before, and worries that it's going to happen to her again. Sometimes, hurt can be a funny thing. 

I demand respect, because it shouldn't be much more complicated than that. If society has become the norm to make girls into crazy for girls. Oh, well I'm hipster girl, because that's not me. I will never ever be that girl. Or woman, since I'm adult. Whatever! 

I Voted! (Well Two Days Ago..)

One thing that I can not stand about anyone is people who complain about things, but not actually do anything about the things that the complain about. Let's take voting for example. I hate it when people complain about the leaders that are in their town offices, or in any office for that matter, but yet when its time to vote, they simply bail. Many have fought for this right, and some countries don't even have them. That's why when I turned 18, I decided to use my rights.
The first election that I voted for was the presidential election last year. It made me feel so powerful because I had a say on who was going to become our country's next leader.
When this election came around, it was for my town's mayoral race. Not many people came to this off year election, but still I had to vote. After voting, I felt like I was on top of the world because I felt like I had a say in something. And that made me feel pretty good, if you ask me.
I vow to vote every year for the rest of my life because it's something that I feel like its important to do. We are lucky that we, as a people, can vote, and have a say about who we put in office. We are lucky because then we can say who runs our country. Yes, it's an imperfect society, but do we live in a perfect world? I beg to differ. Nothing in this world is perfect, so neither should the people who run it. Once we get that through our heads, we begin to see the world in a different light. We see the world, and are open to change, new ideas, and the fact that although that some ideas that are good in theory, can end up causing problems.
I believe that I am a liberal, and I believe in change. I also believe that in doing so, voting is the first step to getting to that change.

Society and the Single Girl; Expectations

I would like to introduce this new feature on my blog, called Society and the Single Girl. It's about how society and it's expectations of romantic relationships, in addition to my opinions of a certain matter. I have three sources of inspiration for this article. The first, is Carrie Bradshaw. The second is Helen Gurely's Sex and the Single Girl. The third is the feature on a blog I read called Move on Over Carrie (http://theunreal-life.blogspot.com/2013/11/move-over-carrie.html) So, without further adue, here is my own little screwed up verison and opinions of this.)

In life we have expectations on everything. We expect certain outcomes based on societal norms. We expect that when we go to bed, that we will wake up in the morning. We expect that when we eat food, we will no longer be hungry.
The same can be said about romantic relationships too. When going into a relationship, we expect certain things. Some are different then others. For example, let's take a boy who likes a girl. If the girl says yes to him when he asks her out, he expects certain things. He expects that she thinks that they are going out on a date. He expects that she likes him too. However, the girl could have different expectations of the date. She could, for all we know, expect that he's going to be turning into this amazing guy, and they will live happily ever after.
The reality is different than the expectation. Expectations can cloud the reality because when the expecations are not met, than we will try to mold them into being what we want to be.
Our romantic relationships are affected the most by this. For example, take someone who falls head over heels in crazy love. She expects that the relationship will last forever, and that they will go on and get married. However, the expectation can cloud the judgement of her boyfriend treating her badly, and making her feel like she needs him more than she actually does.
A common love pattern I see on social media sites is that people refer to their significant others as the one. Referring to people who you barely know, or people that you put up on a pedestal as the one can be bad for every party involved.
In all actuality, going into things with the expectation is something that we as humans can not avoid. By creating people that are different than what they actually are we are living a lie.
My personal opinion of all this expectations is to simply try to go in and not having any. That way, you don't have to feel like you have to live up to the schema that society and yourself has created. That way, you can just be, VS than aspire to be. Expecations can ruin relationships.
My expectations for my future boyfriends are that he understands that I have to do my own thing at times, that he's important to me as well as I hope to be for him, that my two closest friends are males, and they are the best people in the world, and that I have my quirky moments. I expect that I'm treated with respect, dignity, and like a lady. I demand that same amount of respect from him, and I hope that he knows that.
Expectations can cloud judgement. By trying to not have them? We simply can not have them, but by not created them we have the opportunity to live freely.

How Do I Feel About It?

A question that I've been asked a lot lately is how do I feel about my change from psychology and English to just English. I actually wasn't sure how to answer this question, so I often replied with a simple "I Don't Know". However, I do have a lot of random mixed up emotion that consists of this subject and this subject matter.
On one side of the coin, I'm sad that I will never be a social worker, psychiatrist, or psychologist. I feel this way because I had a deep desire to help people. Psychology to me was this unknown full of information that will always be new to me. Every day, I would learn something different as to how people behave the way that they did. Becoming a therapist to me would have been the equivalent to becoming superwoman. I may not have worn a cape and been able to fly, but I would have been able to help people get a better life. I understand that for me, a person with a disorder that can perhaps never be overcome, it would have been challenging. I loved that becoming a therapist involving the unknown aspect of learning, when I would be doing something completely different than what writing involved.
The struggle wasn't because I couldn't rise up to it. The struggle was because I would constantly have to leave a class, and have to make up work. I failed a few tests because of it. Granted, it wasn't my fault, but something had to change.
On the other side of that coin, I feel relieved. Honestly, like I mentioned in a previous post, the pressure just got to me. I had to maintain a high GPA, and when I had tests I would study to the point of no return. I wanted to be the best, and the pressure was just overwhelming. Looking at my school's banner site, (which is where my program is stated), there's just English no psychology what so ever.
My future consists of me becoming a journalist, and writer. I may want to go back to school to do some psychology, but for now English is the word. Another component, perhaps the component that is the truest is that I've always loved writing. I always loved being able to tell stories, and change the world somehow some way through words. Words that I've written, can you imagine that? It's a field that literally is my domain, and my calling.
So I'm afraid I'll never be Superwoman. I'll never be able to help people with dementia, and I'll never be able to make someone change their cognitive views. But maybe, I'll be able to change the world through out my own views? Only time can tell.

Music Monday: Fall Out Boy.

Back in middle school, an emo band played on the radio. Their song? Thanks for the Memories. I immediately fell in love with that song, and still play it loudly today. However, my knowledge of the band now is greater, especially since I've actually had the chance to listen to most of their music.
Infinity on High, and From Under the Cork Tree are some of the albums that have gotten me through my awkward teen years. However, nostalgia isn't the reason why I'm featuring this band. It's because after almost five years, they released another astounding album. That would be called Save Rock and Roll, which is currently one of my favorite albums of 2013. One of the perks? It features Elton John, who is one of my favorite singers.
Whenever I listen to their music, I immediately feel like a bad ass. The difference between this sort of rock and roll, and the classic rock and roll is that their music has the tendency to get stuck in my head. Seriously, it's annoying. But if it's a good song, like most of Fall Out Boy's music is, then it's quite alright.
Favorite Fall Out Boy Songs:

• Alpha Dog
• Our Lawyer Made us Change The Name of the Song so We Couldn't Get Sued
• Dance, Dance
• Sugar We're Going Down
• Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner
• I Don't Care
• Thanks for the Memories 
• The Carpal Tunnel of Love
• I'm Like A Lawyer With the Way I'm Trying to Get You Off
• The Pheonix
• Where Did The Party Go?
• The Mighty Fall 
• Save Rock and Roll
• This Ain't A Scene; It's an Arms Race
• My Songs Know What You Did In the Dark

Fall Out Boy is our  generation's Aerosmith, in my opinion. So, pull on your skinny jeans, and save rock and roll kids!

Have an idea as to what Music Monday should be next? Comment and contact me! I'm open to hearing suggestions! 

November 2013 Goals And Stuff

Wow, I can't believe that it's November! It seems like yesterday that I was changing my calendar to the 2013 one, and now the year is somewhat over. It's amazing how fast the year goes by. I've decided to set a few goals this month. Hopefully, I'll actually met them! 

• Actually complete Nano Wri Mo. I've tried for three years without much success. Needless to say, I'm going to try to make it up to 50,000 words and actually complete a novel. 
• Try to get my grades up. Because of my low grades in psychology, my GPA is going down. I would like to at least keep it at a 3.0, and then be done with psychology forever. 
• Get more confidence. This is more of a long term goal, but I think if I take it in more smaller steps better progress can be made. My boss mentioned that I'm not as confident as I need to be, and I would like to work on being less of an introvert, and more of an extravert.
• Take more chances. One of my biggest fears in life is getting hurt, especially in the romantic area. I've decided to work on that, once again in smaller steps. However, the common consenous that I've heard is that its better to risk things, and have some sort of chance at being happy, vs doing nothing and not being happy. I have had negative experiences with relationships, and because of that, taking a risk in that department can be the hardest for me. It will get easier, it's just going to take time.
• Save money. I've been addicted to amazon for the past month, and I'm realizing that with Christmas coming up, it's best that I start to save money for the upcoming holiday season. Hopefully, I can succeed with that. 

What are your goals for this month? 

Word count 2549

Noveling November

First and foremost, I wanted to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this blog! In the month of October, I've gotten over 500 views, which is really nice to see. Also, I've written the most posts this month than ever before! Not to mention, it's a really nice ego booster. Thank you all, because it means a lot that people actually read what I write.

November, is as some of you know National Writing Month. I'm participating in Nano Wri Mo, which consists of me writing a 50,000 word novel. Yes, I'm crazy, especially with school and stuff. Usually, I only get half way done, then forget. However, it doesn't stop me from trying. 

I won't reveal what my novel project is yet, because that's kind of in the works.I will however, in December tell you all about it. 

Now what does that mean for Finding My Voice? Obviously, I can't stop blogging. For most of November, there will be entries that are have been written before hand, in addition to whatever Music Mondays and Things I Love Thursdays I post. My goal is to write at least 15 entries for this month. However, since noveling and school will take up a lot of time I'll probably have about ten. As for Thanksgiving break, I will be able to actually live post, which is always exciting.

I'll be sure to blog about my progress with this novel, and I thank each and every one of you for actually viewing my blog!

Word count today: 1272