Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Bit More Personal

Below is something that I had written a while back in my private Tumblr. I'm not sure whether or not this is a poem or not, but it's something. It's a bit more personal, but sometimes it's needed. 
I’m scared of what this can lead to. I’m scared of you. I’m scared of the memories that still sometimes haunt my dreams at night. There are the dreams of him when he told me that I wasn’t good enough, thin enough, pretty enough. He bought me down, then made me trust him. I grew attached, turning into someone who wasn’t me. 
Four years ago, that happened.
There are those moments when I feel free, and there are moments when you make me smile. You compliment me, my sweetest cup of tea. But the past still haunts me, the ghost that will never silence. It will always haunt me, making me a victim. 
I will never understand why you did that to me. I will never understand why I stayed with you as long as I did. I deserved better. I feel like because of you, I will never fall in love, and always wear the hat as a victim. I will never understood how you broke my heart the way that you did. I was left bleeding at the core, wondering if I would ever get over it. 
I did. 
I survived, and now there’s him. He sits there, ready for me to be that girl. But I have a past, I have issues, I can’t just let him in. I wish that I can tell you why I’m different than all of the others. I wish that I can tell you why I am so messed up. I wish I can say that I was a victim, and that I can’t say the words you want to hear.
I can be your girl, but it’s not going to be easy. It’s hard for me to admit this, and perhaps I never will. I may never be able to tell you fully. I was to blame. I should have walked away, but instead I was full of hormonal stupidity. I was full of it. I thought he loved me but he didn’t. Sweet words did me wrong. They make me doubt yours. Will I ever be normal, in a relative sense. I’m afraid of a lot of things, of looking like a fool, or just of what you’re doing in general. I need someone, perhaps a guardian angel to remind me that it’s over. He will never be anywhere near me to hurt me again. But I’m afraid of giving you that same power. I’m afraid that you will yell at me, toss me aside like he did. 
I will wonder if I had meant anything to him. 
I wonder if I mean anything to you. 
At the end of the day, I want to be loved, showered with it like it was pouring out of the sky. I deserve it after that much darkness. But sometimes I ever wonder if in some senses, can I ever be happy? Can I ever get over the pain of yesterday? Or yesteryear. 
I sometimes wish feelings were like chalk. That way they can wash away, the running colors spreading to farther distances. 
It will be okay. 
It’s over now. 

Friday, November 29, 2013

My First Black Friday.

I normally don't shop during Black Friday. Like ever. Something about not wanting to wait in lines for a deal, and getting up way too early isn't exactly my thing. However, this Black Friday, my grandma called and decided to go out to shop for a gift for my mother. So, I decided to tag along.
First we went to TJ Maxx. Surprisingly, they weren't that busy. Probably because they always have a great deals. After looking around, we only found an Alex and Ani for my mom, which my grandmother bought. (Sorry mom, if you're reading this I ruined your Christmas present.)
Then I went to Radioshack, because I had remembered that they had an Otterbox (shown below) for my iPhone that was on clearance a while back. So, on a whim I decided to go in. And they had it marked down to $20. In my favorite color. I thought it was fate. Needless to say, I bought it. (I've been looking for one for a while, and so far they had one for $27.)

After I bought that, we went to Bon Ton. It seemed like everything was on sale. My grandma, who never shops ever, literally was in heaven. We found a jacket that was a really good price. Then, we decided to head to the shoe department where they had really good deals on shoes. I needed a pair of sneakers, so I managed to find a couple that I liked. Unfortunately, they didn't have any in my size, or my grandma's. She did however find a pair that she liked that wasn't on sale, so that was good. We also found a silver chain that I needed to replace my necklace that was too short. The price? 10.80. Not bad for a chain that was originally $45.
All and all, we managed to find a lot of really good discounts. I enjoyed going out because it felt like everything was on sale. I like trying to get the best deals that I can find. I don't ever see myself going out at midnight, but I do see myself a returning customer at Black Friday.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Things I Love Thursday; Thanksgiving Edition

Happy Thanksgiving! I know that I haven't done a things I love Thursday in a while, so here's one today. This is a special Thanksgiving verison of Things I Love Thursday! So without further adue, here's the things I love Thursday-Thanksgiving edition;
1. I like that this gives us a reminder to think about what's good in our life. We often focus on what's bad in our lives, and I think that leaves everyone to forget that there's good things in our lives. So, take a moment and think of five things your thankful for. Of course there's more, but once you get the ball rolling it's hard to stop. My list? My family, friends, dog, this blog, and of course all of my professors who helped me decide what  I want to do with my life. 
2. I like that Thanksgiving gives us an excuse to eat. A lot. I always do eat a lot, but since Thanksgiving comes once a year, you're going to overdo it a bit. And that's okay. Just don't eat like that everyday.
3. I lke the Charlie Brown special. I think that the Thanksgiving one is one of my favorites. I always wanted to try that dinner of toast, jelly beans, pretzels, and popcorn. It's not the healthiest thing to eat but I still want to try it. (Hey it's a new thing to add to my bucket list)
4. I love that Thanksgiving is a time that you can spend with your family. Even if you don't get to see your family that often, it's nice to gather together once a year and celebrate.
5. The Thanksgiving parade. I mean come on, it's a Thanksgiving classic right?

Happy Thanksgiving  everyone!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Somethings to Do When You Like A Guy.

Disclaimer; These are suggestions, merely. You could take my advice, or you could simply brush it off. I am not in any way trying to tell you all what to do in any way humanly possible, these are just some suggestions that could make the whole process easier.
There are so many articles on the internet about whether or not someone likes you, flirting, and other things. It can be so confusing that your heads probably spinning and you don't know which way to turn. As if liking a guy isn't confusing enough!
Your problems can be solved with one click, thanks to online articles. But even then, that can be confusing, at least when I did it, I found it to be. Here's some things that I have found to be truthful about what to do when you like a guy, and how to know if the dude actually likes you. Also, my blog entry from a few days back may perhaps be of help to you, so if you haven't checked out please do!

  1. You should probably figure out if he likes you or not. Usually, and I don't mean to sound completely vague here, it will be pretty easy to tell. If not here's some clear indicators that he may or may not like you:
  • His pupils dilate when he's talking to you. Yes, this may be hard to tell, but I think that in due time it will become easier and easier to notice.
  • He compliments you. On anything from your brains, to your looks. It all is a compliment with him. Naturally a cute boy complimenting you would make you smile. Needless to say if he compliments you it's a very good thing. 
  • If he's nervous around you. This means shuffling around, picking his words very carefully, and basically him acting like a nervous wreck around you. If he's nervous around you, thus he's worried about impressing you and trying to be the perfect guy. 
  • If he's reaching out to you via social networking sites, or texting, than that's a good sign. Bonus points? If he's random about what he texts you, then he's looking at any excuse to talk to you. Random or not random.
  • If he's smiling at you while you guys are talking that's always a good sign. 
  • Apparently, if he mirrors you, he's into you? I don't know, I honestly never really noticed this before, but I guess that it's the case?
There are countless examples, and I can go on forever. However, if he likes you, I think it's more obvious and that you'll know that he does. Therefore, if you're not sure, and my online tips didn't help you, then you should probably google it. There's a ton of articles that explain it better than me. 
2. Okay, so you think he may like you. Yay. Try to talk to him. Talking is always good because then you can talk to each other and be friendly. However, ask about him, and his day. Ask about his weekend if it's an early day in the week. If he's someone that likes to read or play music ask how's that going. If you can't talk to a guy than you're going to have a problem having a relationship with the guy. Also, I realize that some people have trouble talking to the person that they like. Guys are humans, and we're human. Notice the similarity? At first, talking to a guy you like won't be easy, but then in due time, it will get better. Comminication is the key to starting to every relationship. So go, talk!

3. Try to get his number! There's so many tricks of the trade to doing so. I usually give guys my number so that they can text me. That way, they can make the first move and it's not weird. If they text you right away or a few hours later, than generally they are interested. However, if they text you within a few days later...then he's not interested. Or if he doesn't text you ever. Yeah, than that can be a problem.

4. Find ways to hang out. If you're in the same class, then get together to study. If you're in the workplace, drive to work together if your car isn't working. If something that's interesting to both of you like, invite him to it! The point is to try to hang out.
5. Show him what a sweet person you are. Meaning, you're a nice person I hope. Let it show. Boys like nice girls.
6. I don't feel comfortable doing this, but touching his arm or him gently is always a good thing. It's basically something that you have to be comfortable doing because if you don't....then you don't. The bottom line is that don't do something that you feel uncomfortable with. If you do feel comfortable with doing so, then gently brush his arm and shoulder. But, like I said, it's something that you should be comfortable doing.
7. Lastly, just be you.  Otherwise, that's not good that he's liking someone who you're not. You're awesome, so let it show. 

Liking guys is a tricky matter when everything goes south. We don't know what to do, because we feel like we're frozen. However, to all of the girls liking a guy remember one thing. It will be okay. For further research, try Wikihow, which I find to be extremely helpful. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Skinny Thing

A week ago in mental health we were talking about anorexia. It's a sad disease, plain and simple. Celebraties such as Karen Carpenter have suffered with this disease. What makes me wonder is how we as a society can prevent it, and how we as people who feed into the media's sterotypical image of what we think things should be like.
The case study that we read about was sad because the person mentioned in it died in the end. However, this is uncommon. When someone starves themselves, they obviously lose wieght which is something that in their eyes is the best thing ever. But not eating can lead to greater probelms such as hair thinning, development stopping, and of course menustration stopping altogether. However, they have a tunnel vision, because their primary concern is to lose the most amount of wieght humanly possible. And even when they do, it's not thin enough. 
How does this begin? It can begin in a bunch of different ways. For starters, someone can be ridiculed as being fat so they decide to go on a diet, and the diet goes too far. Another way this can be is through vicarious learning or modeling. Meaning, that if someone close to them, such as their mother, sister, or other close contact is concerned about their wieght, then they would start to mimic that behavior. In my opinion, I think it's because of the media's standards of waht makes someone beautiful. On the show Girl Code, there was a segment of how society's standards of beauty differed than it did when our mothers were our age. One thing I also noticed was that women looked realistic, not like Photoshop prototypes. We live in a society that basically is focused on the exterior-who can look better thinner, and beautiful?
It's a sad thing that a woman falls in the trap. Once she does, she can't fall out. I believe that with the obession of being perfect comes the obession of being happy. Having anxiety about your size, and the way that you look? That's not making you very happy. 
I've dealt with some blow of this when I was in high school. I was obessed with having the perfect body. I lost over twenty pounds and excerised to the point where it become OCD type of ritual.  I binged, and I purged. Having mostly overcome it, I still have days where I feel like I'm not thin enough or I'm not good enough. It's gone away mostly, but some parts of it still remains. However, I realize that I'm pretty and I'm healthy. I sometimes don't eat healthy, but I try. After recently becoming a half vegetarian, that mens I don't get much iron. But I am trying. 
I know that saying that I've been there before is the most cliche thing on the planet. However, that doesn't mean that I couldn't relate to others that were suffering through the same symptoms as I was. Eating disorders are the hardest things to get over, no matter what age, race, or gender you are. However, although you may not believe it, those who are suffering from this can get over this, because like me, they are strong. 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Music Monday-Taylor Swift.

Okay so before you all judge me let me just say that Taylor Swift is one of my guilty pleasures. I own that, and that's okay. I mean come on, everyone has a guilty pleasure. She's mine.
Listening to Taylor Swift music makes me really happy. It's music that uplifts me whenever I am in a bad mood. It's the type of music that you can listen to when you're in your bedroom and singing along to it with your hairbrush. Her music is so relatable, because it deals with things that girls, teenagers, and young adults deal with all of the time. Breakups, hookups, and all other things. It was said somewhere that if your girlfriend is quoting Taylor Swift as her status you either did something wrong or something right. And you have got to admit, there's some truth to that. 
I also like how Taylor's music is relatable for everyone. Her story, is just a girl that made it big. Her passion for music is undeniable. Some people say that it's awful, and that's okay. It's your opinion and you're entitled to it. 
Some Music that I like by Taylor Swift:
Our Song
Tim McGraw
I'm Only Me When I'm With You
Teardrops on My Guitar
Love Story 
Jump than Fall
You Belong With Me
Never Grow Up
Story of Us
All Too Well
I Knew You Were Trouble
State of Grace
Stay Stay Stay
We Will Never Ever Get Back Together
Safe and Sound
Sweeter Than Fiction

So Taylor Swift is my guilty pleasure. And that's okay because everyone needs one. What's your guilty pleasure artist? 

Have a suggestion for a Music Monday? Comment below, tweet me, or email me! 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Blog Debate

Recently, I was talking with someone about their homework. Yes, strange but I really enjoy hearing other people's topics for papers. Yes, I'm weird. However, the prompt was whether or not bloggers should be considered to be journalists. As a blogger, and a journalist for my school's newspaper, I would like to weigh in my own opinions. Why? Because I like to do that.
I can see why people would think that bloggers wouldn't be reliable sources. We write our opinions, and rarely use the facts. However, I think that people who are bloggers are more reliable sources because since we write for ourselves we are not tainted with advertising. We say what's on our mind, the truth, and nothing but the truth. That's why I don't have advertising in my blog. I like to give my opinions uncensored, something that I know when I'm employed will change.
 Newspaper and advertising work hand in hand; if someone were to give a paper or a magazine a lot of money in advertising revenue, than the person wouldn't bash that person or their product.
Bloggers also write because their more passionate about it. They write for themselves, and their writing in my experiences are very passionate about their subjects. The amount of blogs out there are insane. Some people blog about their lives. Others write a specific theme. I know lifestyle bloggers, and I know DIY bloggers. There's a lot of blogging going on in the internet world.
In addition to being a blogger, I do consider myself to be a journalist. That means, I do follow a specific code of ethics, and try to remain unbiased. I do try to carry over that same mantra in my blog. I do try to get the facts right before publishing. Blogging has gotton to be a bad rep because there are some people out there willing to create lies. However, that's not the case with every blogger, and that should be stated as a fact.
 I think that they should be considered to be a journalist. However, I do not think that they should be used as the only source used for news. I do think that we should get credit because it takes a lot to run a blog that makes you be read. It's a struggle in my opinion, but because we as bloggers have a devotion to what we do, it keeps us coming back for more blogging.
At the end of the day, we are all entitled to our own opinions to this. I'm just stating mine. However, I do think that before we come to them, we should at least hear what every side has to say.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Tis The Holiday Season...

Okay, so it's a little bit over a month before Christmas. And it's about that time of year when the trees come out, and the credit card debt goes up. But, there's some good things about Christmas! Here's my list of stuff that I'm looking forward to this holiday season.

  • Cookies, and all other baked goods. I mean come on, it's not Christmas time when all of the fancy desserts are broken out. I'm Italian, so that means lots of cookies! My favorite is those round Pillsbury cookies shaped like reindeer, and the Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookies. This year, I am looking forward to baking cupcakes to add to the mix. 
  • The holiday specials that are on TV. It's obvious that Charlie Brown specials are on in my house. Also, there's those cliche Hallmark movies that my mother watches (Okay, fine some are good.) I also enjoy watching Rudolph, Eloise, The Santa Clause saga and of course Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. I'm recently getting into Elf, so that's going to be soon added onto my list. 
  • This year I'm looking foreward to giving my mom pretty decent gifts. In the past, it's been a few gifts that were totaled to less than $50. This year,since I at last have a job that pays a good salary I can afford to shower my mom with gifts. So far, I got her a sweatshirt for my school, and a book. I hope to get her an Alex and Ani, and a couple of other odds and ends. 
  • Getting Christmas cards. Granted they are not always sent to me. But still, getting a card in the mail always makes me smile. 
  • Decorating the Christmas tree. Our tree's always white...yeah it's fake. But still, it's always exciting when we decorate it and put our ornaments on it. 
What are you looking forward to this holiday season?
Also: shoutout to Sam at Life is But A Stream of Thoughts. I got the idea for this from her entry: