Yo, Me In High School; Here's a Letter For You

A few days ago, I was looking at my old Facebook statuses at work. I then realized how annoying I was, and felt bad for people who I interacted with at that time. So, I've decided to write a letter to myself to give myself the knowledge about things I wish I knew then. Maybe that would have made me less annoying....
Dear Natalie,
Welcome to high school. It's going to change your life, and some of the people you're close to now won't be there for you. And who am I? How do I know this? Well, this is the you from the future. Try 2015, where you'll have a car, 3 jobs and so many classes that you'll constantly feel overwelmed to the point where you don't know where to begin. But, before I tell you what you'll have to look foreword to, let me tell you a few things about life, kid. Cause you have a lot to learn about.
 
Me in May 2009. 
High school isn't as hectic as it looks. Sure, there are people who you want to be like, and there's the crowd of people who you want to fit in with. However, the person that you should aspire to be is yourself. Some of your peers are gothic, but that's not you. You're also not preppy, either. You're just you, if that makes sense. Embrace the elements that make you, you. Embrace the fact that you enjoy classic rock, and rap music. Embrace your quirks, even though people make fun of you for it. Yes, it can be easy for you to conform. However, later in life you'll appreciate the qualities of what makes you, well weird. For you, that will be your love for Ozzy Osbourne, and love for writing just to name a few. Do you, kid. No one else.
One of the struggles you'll encounter is struggling with your weight. In the course of one year, you'll drop 20 pounds. (Actually a little over.) Although you do it healthily, it quickly becomes an obsession. You need to be skinny, and when you binge, you binge hard. I can tell you that it's not the way that dieting and weight loss should work. Yes, it's a lifestyle choice, and you did things healthy. But you became obsessed with weight, and even judged those you were friends with by their weight. Soon, you won't be able to keep it up, and gain the majority of it back. What you learn through this, is that it's important to be healthy, no matter what size you end up being.
 
Senior photo, 2011.
Another issue that will come up during your high school years is relationships. You're going to be single for most of your high school career. You will have the cutesy relationships that last for like a day, but that's not going to count. You'll meet a red-haired boy who you think won't hurt you. You fall for him and think that he's the one for you at 15. (Okay, if you actually do read this, know that the boyfriend you have now won't be the guy you date forever.)Turns out, he does. The thing is, it's going to hurt a lot. It's your first real relationship, after all. But you learn a lot about relationships in the end. Sure you could have handled it better. Actually yeah you could have, because I'm literally embarrassed to even talk about it now. But you eventually learn that love is something that takes time, effort and patience. At 21, you don't have a boyfriend, but you've accomplished so much. I guess the take home message is that you should read books more than you chase after boys. At least you'll learn something through the books. Know that love is something that isn't a competition. When it's right it will come to you. And also, don't spam your partner and give him space when he needs it.
Here's some advice from the cooler version of yourself. Don't be afraid to be a nerd. Whether it's about music, books or just being passionate about something, it's what makes you unique. Don't stop writing. In the middle of high school, you'll begin to write a blog that becomes your diary. Four years later, you'll be paid to write. You're good at writing, but you'll become even better at it as time goes on. Your little blog will reach over 30,000 views. Read a lot, and don't forget to feed your mind. The library is a good place for you to be.

Verenized and I, sophomore year. 
 
Theresa and I, junior year.  
 
Griffin and I, the day I graduated. 
 
Griffin, Gabriel and I; graduation party 2012.
Furthermore, you'll meet some good friends. Some you'll still be in touch with, others you have lost touch with. Just remember that they are good, and remember to treat them well. You do cool things, like play badminton and join band. (Where you meet one of the people who you're closest too!)
Well, you should be going back to trolling everyone on Facebook. (Get off, seriously. Do something better with your life.) I'll see you in 2015.
Sincerely,
Natalie

"Like Tattoos on This Town"

Ahhh, #throwbackThursday. The time when all of your old and embarassing selfies come back to haunt you. This is when we see who was the brace-face, who was the awkward one, and of course those awful scene days when you'd listen to nothing to but scene music. Sound familiar? Well, we're going wayyy back here on Finding My Voice.
While at work, I often take to casually clicking around at various social networking sites. So, one day I decided to look back to my high school days. #classof2012. So, here's some of my fondest high school memories, from 2008-2012.
 
 
 Top: Me with art; Bottom: art without me
At my high school, we had this awesome thing where at the end of the year, we would have a sidewalk chalk festival. I only got to do it my senior year, and I drew Snoopy with my friend Iris. It was such a fun filled day, and I got hella tan.

Me left; Griffin right
My prom was perhaps one of the highlights of my high school experience. I went with Griffin whose one of my closest friends. (He asked me to go to the prom because I didn't have anyone to go with #bestpersoneveraward.) I wore a purple dress, and I didn't let him see it literally til the day of. In the midst of all of prom, a lot of my friends were fighting, and lots of cat-fighting going on. However, it was still a great day. (And for the record, I stayed New Jersey out of it)

Sarah left; Me in the Middle; Liz on the Right
I got to go to New York three times! Each time, I went to see a Broadway show. The first time (which is when this picture was being taken) was in my freshman year. We saw West Side Story. The second time was in my junior year. We saw How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying. AND Daniel Radicliffe was in it. How awesome was that? The last year (which was my senior year) we saw Newsies. It was such a great experience, and I miss going to all of those shows. 

Angelyn left; Me right. 
I used to make lots of obnoxious faces. Anyways, I went to two high school dances other than prom. (Homecoming 2008, and 2011) I honestly don't remember why I didn't go my juinor year, but my sophomore year it was because I had just gone through a breakup. Both times I went were super-fun and I had a blast dancing with my friends.

Vere left; Me center; Theresa right
I went to Panera a lot. My high school was actually right next to one, so I would often be found there eating soup. Those are some of my high school friends, engaging in a Panera selfie! I miss them.




Gabriel right; Griffin left
While in high school, I met these two classy individuals. I met Griffin in junior year band class. He sat next to me, we played the same instrument, and now to this day, I still drive him crazy. I met Gabriel in expository writing class my senior year. We didn't get very close to the end, and the next semester, when we actually had sociology together.

Me on the left; my coach on the right! 
In my upperclassman days in high school, I played on the badminton team. Now, I wasn't very good at it, but still I had an amazing time. During my senior year when my grandfather died, they were my support. (I played a game the day after he died too, just saying that's pretty awesome.) Playing for two years really helped introduce me to people that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten the opportunity to meet. Plus, I was the one always taking pictures.

Me on left; Sarah on right.
I used to Picnik a lot. Who remembers seeing these on Facebook? Well I was obsessed  with them. Sarah was my friend from choir, and I still talk to her today!
Those are some of my memories from high school! Did I get you thinking way back when? If so, tell me about some of your fondest memories in the comments below! 

I Could Have Done Better.

 
 Griffin and I; 2012
Tonight, one of my best friends in the entire world graduates high school. His name is Griffin, and I've had the privilege of getting to watch him over the past four years mature into the young adult that they are today. Griffin is one of the few people in this world who honestly I can call my best friend, because other than the fact that he is truly awesome, he's someone whose always been there for me. Congratulations, Griffin! I look forward to hearing about all of your super-powers that you can share with everyone at college. Don't forget your favorite blogger/journalist. I can't wait to watch you graduate, like you did for me two years ago. Love, your favorite adult.

In honor of my high school graduating tonight, I wanted to reflect on my experiences as a student in high school, which were different than my college ones. In high school, I wasn't exactly the smartest person ever. Out of all of my friends, I had taken the least amount of AP classes. I barely studied, or did any of my homework efficiently. When I did, I often rushed it. This as you can imagine left me unable to produce my best work. I often slacked off, and was often found on Facebook for at least three or four hours a day. Clearly, I could have done better.
If I had to redo high school, the first thing that I could do would be to try harder. To realize that my social life had to be last. In high school, I was more concerned with meeting guys than I was making the grade. If I had tried that amount of effort I spent despairing that I didn't have a boyfriend than maybe I would have gotten a lot high GPA than I did. I now know how to study, and to push myself when need be. I realized that from high school, I got the easy ride. I took too many easy A classes, especially my senior year. If I had taken one or two more, I probably could have been done with some of my college requirements. (my school accepts AP credits if their passing.) Yes, that would have been a lot more work, but now looking back at it, I really could have handled it.
High school did have it's good points though. I met two of my closest friends. Griffin, pictured above, was through my high school band class, where I was the best flute player, ever. I tried really hard at music to become the best flute player that I could be. I also met Gabriel through a class that we had during high school. It's wierd to think that meeting them was three or four years ago. It's also weird to think that we're still friends too. Having both of them as my friends to this day is an exciting thing because they really taught me to become more curious and more accepting. I hope to maintain both of these friendships for the rest of my life, because they are really great friends to have.
Another part of high school that I'm truly happy that I did was the badminton team. I've played badminton for half of my high school career, and the experience was amazing. I made friendships with some girls with whom I'm close with too today, and played a sport that I truly loved. Playing that sport gave me confidence, in addition to the support I needed when my grandfather died in 2011. Those girls truly became a family, even though we had constant injuries. I wish that there was a badminton team here at my college, because that would make life a heck of a lot more fun. I guess you can say that the newspaper is my new team? Speaking of which, I was a part of my high school's newspaper as well, however, I didn't actually become serious about it until much later.
High school never ends. Some people regret high school, because they were bullied, hated it, or all of the above. However, I truly miss high school, but I have no regrets for what I've done. If I haven't, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. High school was a battle that I clearly won hands down. However, there's still more time to improve, cause I wanna get better.
I wrote this the day I graduated!

"Belle of the Ball."

Prom season is fast amongst us, and I can't help but be reminded of my prom. It was, can you believe two years ago, and I can't believe how fast time goes. I kinda wish that I took more pictures, and like many of my peers, I kind of wish that I had the chance to go another one. However, here's a look back at my high school prom.

My dress was purple, because duh, purple's my favorite color. I got a really good deal on the dress, because it was originally over $300 dollars, however it was only $99. I loved this dress, because when I was wearing it I felt like I was wearing a dress from Titanic. #sorrynotsorry

I also went with my best friend, Griffin. He was actually sick that day, so it was cool because he still showed up. Here's my corsage. He even texted me the week before and asked what kind of flowers I want. We're actually still really close today for some unforshaken reason. I'm glad that we went as friends, because in some ways it took the pressure off. We even awkwardly slow danced, which was awkward because he's about ten inches taller than me. I hope that he's not sick when he goes to his prom this year! 

(my corsage)

I also got to see some of my friends before I went off to prom. It was really exciting, however without a doubt my personal favorite moment of my prom was Gabriel coming to see me. Gabriel was complaining the entire time about mowing the lawn, so he took his dad's keys, and came to see me. Gabriel was also late, which is very typical Gabriel behavior. To this day, I will never let him live that down. 

(Gabriel and I; This picture is also located in his room!)

What was your prom like?

PS: Check out my new blog The Tinder Project, here.

The Player

I always had a bad feeling about him.When I first laid eyes on him, my gut told me to run. But did I run? No. I fell for his fast talking ways, eating the candy sweet words that rolled off of his tongue. It never once occured to me that he could have said those lines that I fell for to thousand other girls. He was a cocky son of a bitch, and thought that he was entitled to everyone that he wanted, and that she would want him also.
He was a player and an asshole. He just wanted someone to take up space, a girl to have sex with him whenever he wanted and make him sandwiches. I should have known from his dirty jokes and immature sexual innuendos.
"Bella", he breathed. "Why are you doing this to me?" He put his hand on my leg, gripping it tightly. I tried to pry it off.
"You know I want nothing to do with you. I tried to be nice. Your thick skull wouldn't let it seep through", I growled through clench teeth.
He smiled evilly like the Chesire Cat. "Now, baby, why would you do a thing like that? I'm the best that you'll ever have".
"Because", I countered, steering away from him. He began to inch closer. My body went into fight or flight response. Danger, danger my body screamed.
"You're a perv and a creep", I said. Then I began to run.
I can hear his boots stomp after me.
My mind flashed to all of this began. I was just starting high school. He was a cool senior. I was surprised that he wanted me, the wallflower who had yet to find a place in this world. I filled my head with thoughts of me in a gown, him in a tux on our way to his prom. Those thoughts drowned out the warnings of the other girls who wanted to protect my innocent, which now circled my head like a bad song on the radio. They were right, I thought as I kept running.
Things began to get sticky in April. He began to pressure me to it, the dirty deed whose devil consumed him. We'd been going out for six months. I was barely into teenagedom and here he wanted to do something so adult. I managed to compromise with him, and tell him that we'd do it by the end of the year. That's when the devil consumed him came out for a visit.
I broke up with him in June. He told me bluntly that I was leading him on because he was the only one of his buddies whose girlfriend didn't give him head. (personally, I thought it was disgusting). Then, he blamed me for what he did behind my back, because it was my fault because he wanted to cheat. If I did give him head, then I would still have him, loyal as a dog. Something clicked, and I broke up with him. I didn't want anything to do with him. Not then, not now, not ever.
I stopped running, realizing that I had no reason to run.
"Good", he said. "You've finally come to reason."
"No", I said confidently.
He looked confused.
I stepped forward. " I've come to realize that you're not worth running from, you coward". I kicked him in the groin. Hard. He yelped in pain.
"What was that for?" he screamed.
I smiled coyly. "It's for being a coward and a jerk. Sincerly yours from the girls whose innocence you stole, and who were afraid to finally give you what you deserved."
I walked away as a knelt over in pain. He never did bother me again.


DISCLAIMER: This story and the characters in it are highly fictional.

Check out Two College Girls here! http://twocollegegirls.blogspot.com/

Panera.

In high school, everyone always had that special place to hang out, whether in real life or in television shows. In Happy Days, it's at Arnold's. In Gilmore Girls, it's Luke's Diner. For my high school, it was Panera, a small cafe that was at the end of the strip mall. The outside was bleak, gray, with large windows that if you looked carefully, you can see everyone inside the place. The inside was painted a warm and welcome peanut shell. Pictures of bread adorned the place. As you walked in, the smell of bread was strong, making my mouth water. The rich aroma of coffee often followed, greeting you with a firm handshake. As you walked in closer, you can see a case of baked goods, scones that were sprinkled with crystal sugar that shined like diamonds, perfectly round cookies with large chocolate chips or M and Ms scattered throughout them like craters on the moon. When going to the counter, one had the power to order anything they wanted, from a salad, to soup, and sandwiches that can be served in breakfast, lunch and dinner time. Of course, you can order a drink of coffee, the one thing that you were always certain about, no matter how uncertain your life is.
The joint always buzzed with students around two. Athletes coming  to get coffee and a snack. The band geeks getting a coffee before marching band. Others who just wanted to hang out with friends often occupied the tables as well, relaxing after what was a long and stressful day of higher education.
During my high school years, this was the place were my friends and I would always get together. I wasn't sure why, probably because it was only a few yards away from school and convient.
You see that table over there? The big one in the middle? Yes, that's where my group took it over one day after midterms. How about the little tables in the back? Yes, that's where I would meet up with good friends, often to catch up. It was a place of gathering, no matter what specefic party was involved.
As I go through my college life, I long to find a hang out as good as Panera, a place that was filled to the brim with memories. Panera, in a sense with the center stage of my high school life. Now, I long for a stage for my college memories to play out in.