My Middle School Tunes.

So, lately, I've been doing a lot of reminiscing. After all, graduating high school gets one thinking about their past experiences, and wonder about the ones that we have yet to expect in the future. I'm scared of what my future would bring, but at the same time, I am eager to see what's out there for me, to see what comes in my path.
Anyways, I was reading a magazine the other day, and one of the ideas for something was to make a playlist about the tunes that once rocked my world in middle school; the days when I first began to dip my foot into the pool of great music. I remember when the one gig iPods came out, and everyone would look at each other's to see what kind of music you were into. Now we have cell phones that play music. Wierd, huh? So, here you go.

1. Start All Over by Miley Cryus: Back when I was in eighth grade, Hannah Montana first came out, and I seriously thought that all of her songs were amazing. I hate to admit it, but I actually have seen pretty much all of the episodes of Hannah Montana. I gotta admit it was a pretty cool show. Ah, old Disney Channel. 
2. Six Feet Under the Stars by All Time Low: I discovered this band in eighth grade, and still to this day love them. This was the first song that I had downloaded by them, and I'm sure as hell glad I did. 
3. Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance: Back when I was a kid, I thought it was cool to be goth, and try the whole wearing black thing/emo music thing. Needless to say, it's a good thing that I decided that it wasn't much of my thing-however it did have some amazing music. 
4. Umbrella by Rihanna: This was such a huge hit in the summer of 2007. I seriously used to like jam to this song. I also think this is also when Rihanna became like a serious artist kinda. 
5. Cyclone by Baby Bash: I thought I was a cool cat back then by listening to rap music. I wasn't. CAUSE SHE MOVES HER BODY LIKE A CYCLONE, AND SHE MAKES ME WANNA DO IT ALL NIGHT LONG.
6. Church by T-Pain: What I said for the above song applies here also. 
7. Break the Ice by Britney Spears: Briney made her comeback in 07. Needless to say, I used to enjoy singing along to this oh so catchy tune. How can you like not enjoy her music? 
8. Forever by Chris Brown: They played this song at my eighth grade dance. I throughly enjoy this song, mainly because it reminds me of my first crush. 
9. Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana: I discovered Nirvana in eighth grade also. Good stuff. 
10. 4 Minutes by Madonna: Another eighth grade dance song. I enjoyed the video, in addition to I tried to repilicate the movement. Needless to say-it didn't work. 
11. Thanks for the Memories by Fall Out Boy: ONE NIGHT, AND ONE MORE TIME, THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES! I love this song so much! Even though, it's really old, I still play it at top volume. 
12. I Write Sins, Not Tradgidies by Panic! At The Disco: I used to love this band, back in the day.
13. There's a Good Reason Why These Tables Are Marked Honey, You Just Haven't Thought Of Them Yet by Panic! At The Disco: They have such long song names. That's what makes them awesome. 
14. State of the Union by Rise Against: I used to love punk music so much. 
15. Face Down by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus: This song was like the first screamo song I ever listened to. I however thought that the message of the song was amazing, because love really shouldn't be abuse. End of story. 
16. How to Save a Life by the Fray: I used to love the Fray so much. I forgot about them. Maybe I should give that CD a spin sometime in the near future. 
17. Miss Murder by AFI: Another punk days song...

So, I give y'all a challenge-turn on your iPod nanos, and brace yourselves and remember the songs that once rocked your world back in the day. 

Old Friends.

Greetings.
How are you doing?
Your hair looks nice like that, you've lost those last few pounds.
You no longer wear the bracelets I used to make for you.
Remember when we used to walk around aimlessly?
Remember when we used to talk about nothing for hours on end?
Now you're a stranger to me.
I don't see the person I once knew.
Instead, I see a stranger.
She looks a lot like you, doesn't she?
But you open your mouth.
You don't sound like the person that you once were.
You act like a stranger.
Now I know why I'm not your friend.
We've gone down different paths.
I don't exactly hate you,
But I don't exactly care anymore.
We've all got to move on sometime, right?
We're just old friends.
We'll have our memories,
But our paths different.
Goodbye.

"You Only Live Once"

YOLO!
You only live one.
At first, the freaking saying annoyed me. I mean at my school, the only people who said it were the idiot people that would spend their lives drinking, and partying. Which is not YOLO, but however it's wasting your life, and brain cells.
However, I thought about the saying, and how many times that I don't live or take chances. I'm scared of taking chances, because I'm afraid of striking out. I'm afraid of losing the game. But, in the movie "A Cinderella Story", there was a quote that said "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game".
I'm afraid of getting hurt. By love. By friends. By loss. But that's no way to live. We can't let the fear of losing be what keeps us from living the way we want to live. If there's someone you like? You should ask them out. If there's a job that you want, go and freaking get it.
I basically live my life on one concept. Go with my gut. However, I'm blinded by fear, in addition to my astigmatism. If I feel something, then I'm going to go for it. I very much deserve it.
The fact that in less than a month, I will be walking the stages, grasping my diploma as an eager high school graduate kind of scares me. I'm afraid of leaving behind my friends, especially the ones that I have grown quite close to. However, because of my upcoming graduation, I'm realizing one thing.
YOLO.

Questions.

What did you expect? 

What do you want me to say? 

You don't know how much you've hurt me. 

You don't care, do you? 

You just want to make it into a show, 

It's all about you, 

I guess it's wrong that I can't have anything for myself.

It's about how you lie, 

It's about why you didn't try. 

It's not about what you say, 

It's about what you do,
Or didn't do. 

I wish that you actually cared about me. 

I guess that's never going to happen. 

I guess that you're going to be his parent over mine. 

I guess that you'll be the one in misery.

You'll hear my side, 

But you won't listen. 

Why is that? 

Why don't you go fuck yourself? 

I hope you don't go into a church, because I think you'll be blowing up in flames. 

I hate you. 

I hate you. 

No I don't. 

I love you. 

But I hate what you've done. 

And how you handled me. 

I guess now that I'm grown up, 

I'll be gone, 

The prodigal daughter you've never known. 

I hate it that it's all or nothing with you. 

Don't you understand? 

Don't you know what you've done?
A two page email, 

What the hell? 

I guess that in time I'll be okay. 

Father? 

Father, my ass. 

To Say/Not To Say.

Some of the things that are hard for me to do is speak what I feel. For example, if something is  bothering me, then I would either let it happen, or not say anything. Both I know isn't exactly the best things to do in a situation, because it's unhealthy to bottle your emotions up in a bottle, because when bottles shake, they explode, and when they explode, there is danger everywhere.
In friendships, there is a lot of tension, and awkward moments. In that case, it requires you to speak up, because if you don't, then you have the chance of being known as the girl who is walked over on.
So, I decided to confront a person (or two) who I felt that I had loose ties with. Sometimes, leaving the ties loose rather than cutting them off can be a bad thing because if a wound is not treated, then it festers, and gets worse and worse by the day. But, if you take care of it, then it gets better, and you feel better. And, after that, I felt pretty damn good about myself.
Why? Because I know that with time, some wounds heal. Life is too short to be angry, and to hate, so sometimes, just forgiving can make you feel better. However, sometimes, there are things that you just can't forgive, but that varies from person to person. Like, for me that's insulting any member of my maternal side (and paternal grandfather) of my family, in addtion to lying to my face.
At the same time, however, I want to be treated with respect. I want people to treat me like they want to be treated, not like how they want to treat me. I want people to view me as a person that they respect, and want to be friends with. I don't want to take any kind of crap from no one. I'm tired of being the doormat. I don't want to be stepped on giants, for being small. I want to be big, at least in my personality. I want people to look at me, and say "It's that girl. I may not know her name, but she has a good head on her shoulders, and doesn't take any crap from anyone."
Sometimes, I often struggle with learning to use my voice. When is it right to say things? When is it right not to say things? When do we forgive? When do we not? As each day progresses, I get better and better trying to understand it, and trying to find my footing. But, what can we say? I can only take one day at a time.

A Night To Remember?!?

Prom is fastly approaching us. Some have past, some are upcoming. Mine is this Saturday, and to be completly honest, I'm pretty pysched.
But, there is so much drama that comes with it. Like, who doesn't like who, who didn't do this, or that, yadda yadda yadda. It's so much stress for one lousy night. Like everyone has to put their two cents in, and others don't like it, and it equals drama.
I thought this was a night to be happy. I thought you would want to anticipate this, not dread it. I thought it was something that we would remember for the rest of our lives. I thought we would want to celebrate the things that we've accomplished. I thought it would be something that we have to look foreward to, because we do only get one prom, and it's best to have the time of our lives when we do get the chance to go. It should bring friends closer together, rather then farther apart.
I'm tired of the drama. I'm tired of hearing about seating plans, I'm tired of hearing "I don't like him/her". It's not about whether you don't like someone. It's about the fact that we're seniors, and that we deserve a chance to celebrate. We deserve to have a good night, and forget the troubles.
So, if you want to, bitch about it. But I'm planning to enjoy myself, because I damn well deserve it. 

I'm Not That.....

I hate males. Well, this one male. I hate that he thinks that books are boring, and I hate that he spends his time playing video games. I hate that he complains about his girlfriend and he's still with her. I hate that he doesn't like to read.
He's spineless.
He's disrespectful.
He's extremely rude.
He's an asshole.
He's annoying.
He's obnoxious.
He's stupid.
Is this the way that men are? If that's the case, then I don't want one. I don't want someone to be a sexist pig, who expects me to make them sandwiches. I'm a woman. I deserve much more than your bullshit. I'm not the girl who gets treated badly, and serves the man sandwiches. I want to be the girl who you respect. I want to be the one who you bring home. I want to be an equal, not your servant, or sex slave.
But what DO I want to be? I want to be the girl who you love. The girl that you respect. Is that too much to ask?