We've Come A Long Way; Still A Long Way To Go.

This week brings excellent news for the gay community. California made same sex marriage legal, and Thursday marked the end of DOMA. Two great strides in the fight for equal rights. However, with the great strides that we've made over the past few years, we still face a great struggle. Not everyone can still walk down the partner with the person that he or she chooses. It makes me upset when I hear about those things. The right to get married is something that should be available for everyone. We should have the right to marry just like we have the right to breathe. It's natural, and if you have the  capacity to love then you should have the right to get married.
However, things can never be that simple. There are people in this world that are ignorant and are not open to change. Their minds will forever remain closed, and I don't know if they ever will open. I don't get why there are people like that, however they do exist. Maybe, it's the way they were raised. Maybe, they believe that the way that things are should be the way that things are. Things are not perfect. Things may never be, because a perfect world is a concept that perhaps is out of our reach. Thus, we can hope for a tomorrow with open minds with a desire to change to make the world's gold star shine a tad bit brighter.
I hope that when my kids go to school the fight for equality is something that they read in the textbooks, right after the Civil Rights movement. I hope that one day everyone will be equal, because we all have a beating heart that beats loudly. We've come a long way from our parent's generation of remaining in the closet and being secretive about our sexuality, however, the equality fight still is being fought.
What can you do to help win this fight? We can only have an open mind, to educate, and to help spread new ideas. I can not wait to be present at my best gay friend's wedding in the next few decades, and to know that he's earned the right to get married, because of the fight that he had to go through to get it. (Which is very unnecessary if you ask me) Let's get ready for a brighter tomorrow, kids!

Click...

Hey everyone!
In my previous entry, I mentioned my best friend's a dancer. She's entered this contest where she can get some money for school. Basically you just watch her video and another video, and then vote for which is better. (hers, duh). So, it would mean a lot to me if my readers to vote for her!
Thanks!
http://www.tallenge.com/vote/vote0.aspx?vid=668e2d77-fcc5-432d-b35a-a4aada04321d

Do You Know?

Another day, another tear to cry
Another dream that we try.
We're young, but we've got nothing but time.
But time can't fix this broken heart of mine.
Oh I love you,
I don't know why but I guess it's true
I don't understand why I doubt,
I don't know what it's about.
I try to stay
But I can't live this way.
Do you know what you do to me?
Do you understand why I feel this way?
Do you know that I can't afford this game to play?
I gave you my heart and I gave you my soul.
And now's it's taken it's toll
Oh I love you,
I don't know why but I guess it's true
I don't understand why I doubt,
I don't know what it's about.
I try to stay
But I can't live this way.
Do you know what you do to me?
I dream of us forever
I dream of us being together
But I can't live
And I can't give
If you can't give me something in return.
I guess you live and learn..
Oh I love you,
I don't know why but I guess it's true
I don't understand why I doubt,
I don't know what it's about.
I try to stay
But I can't live this way.
Do you know what you do to me?
Do you know?

Let's Take A Moment..

Usually my blog is about me, my life, and my thoughts. But today, I've decided to make this particular entry about someone who is very awesome. And that is my best friend whose a female. (For privacy reasons, we shall call her Jenni. Which is ironically my nickname for her)

Last night I got to watch her perform at a dance recital. She's been dancing pretty much her entire life, and she's pretty good in it. She dances with her heart and soul, and it shows. Anyways, she was incredible. I was  amazed (even though I knew that she was awesome to begin with based on her youtube video) But videos, just like phone screens are not as good as seeing the real thing. Anyways the real thing was amazing. It was full of passion, and you can see the amount of care and effort that she puts into it. I've never had the privilege of seeing someone dance with that amount of passion on one particular night. So, Jenni, if you happen to read this, you did amazingly awesome last night, and when you get to be a professional dancer, remember to ask Leonardo DiCaprio to eat pizza with me. (Well he's Italian right?)
Jenni and I have been friends since our seventh grade band class. We both actually played the same instrument. However until about our junior year, we didn't become close. Although we've had our ups and downs from then until now, I can honestly say that she's my best friend. (And I hate that term. Honestly, but even though I'm a writer I couldn't come up with a better term) She's been there for me when I'm upset about boys, fathers, ducks, and various other things, and I only hope that I've done the same for her. Here's to more dances on her part, and a lifetime of awesome friendship.

This Is Me..Now.

I think over the past few years, I've done so much changing. My senior year of high school was perhaps one of my hardest. I basically had to say goodbye to a person who raised me (my grandfather), and watch him suffer and slowly die. All while taking SATs, figuring out where I was going to go to school next year, and an AP class. It felt like I was stressed at all angles of my life. All I wanted to do was sit in a corner and cry about my life, and it felt like I was all alone. (In reality, I wasn't. I had good friends that I took for-granted. So if anyone of you are reading this, you guys are awesome.)
Now, after finishing up my first year of college, and at last obtaining a permit, I can not help but notice changes in me both mentally and physically. I'm much more responsible than I was back then. I go to class on time, (something that was a foreign concept to me back in my high school years), I spend over twenty hours a week studying, and after a long process, have officially become a double major in English with a specialization of creative writing, and psychology with a specialization of mental health. I stress over grades, and I may not know where I'm going to end up when I walk the stage in 2017, but I have a few more years to discover what I want to do in the mental health field.
As for my friends, I realized that the friends that I have now are legit. I do miss some of my high school friends, especially ones who I was extremely close with, but it's safe to say that I've managed to keep the vast majority of my old friends, in addition to making new ones. (New friends are cool too!)
My attitude towards life has changed as well. I remember when I used to be sad almost everyday. Now, I'm not longer that girl with the problems. I'm the girl who spends too much time with her homework. I read too many books, and I go out sometimes with my friends. I listen to hardcore rock and roll, and am about five pounds smaller than I used to be. I'm happy with myself, and no longer wear clothes that remind me of billboards (however, I do enjoy leggings!).
I still remain single, however, the difference between then and now is that it mostly doesn't bother me. It's hard to find a guy who understands me, for me. I don't want to be someone's everything. I want to be someone's something. I have a wicked course-load and I can't spend all of my time being with someone. (I do however want to spend some time with that person.) I want someone to be my best friend, in addition to my boyfriend. I want to be able to talk to them, because I think it's important to be able to talk to someone. I mostly want to be with a person who gets me, my goals, and my schema.
I'm still sometimes insecure, and I still have moments when I wonder if I'm good enough. But the truth is, I am. I walk like I own the world, and I know that I'm going to be something someday. Although sometimes I may encounter bumps here and there, I know that wallowing isn't going to get me anywhere. I'm happy and I wear it well. This is me...now. My voice is still out there, and maybe it's meant to never be found. However, I'll never stop looking for it. I'll never stop looking for a place to shine. I'll never stop looking for my prince to someday sweep me off my feet.
This is me...now.

Surrounded

To accomplish great things we must surround ourselves with great people. In a sea of doubtful people and in a fast talking world, we quickly find ourselves wanting to crawl into a corner to gather our bearings, and to put our ducks in a row. Sometimes, we need a comforting shoulder to cry on, or a hand to hold. They are the ones who say that we can do something, truly do something, and encourage us to get up when we feel emotionally paralyzed. They are the ones who tell us that good things would happen to us whenever it's raining outside.
If we surround ourselves with negative people then we could think negatively. Those who think negatively tend to have a negative outlook on life. However, with positive outlooks we can feel that something good is about to engulf us. It's better than going home and crying to a cup of Ben and Jerry's. That's not fun.
I like to say that I'm surrounded by people who make me feel good about myself. I hope that they can say that I do the same.
I'm going to kick all of my negative habits to the curb. They aren't good, and they aren't things that we should be proud of carrying. Bags of luggage that we shouldn't desire to carry. So the point of this blurb of wittiness? Surround yourself with those who make you feel good about yourself.

Treat People the Way that YOU Want to Be Treated.

Sometimes, a relationship can get ugly. Whether it's a friendship crumbling over a fight about something, or a long term relationship that ended badly, sometimes things can get ugly and horrible. That's when the words that we don't mean to say are said, and the moments that we wish we can take but never can truly take back happen.
However, treating people like they are your mental punching bag is wrong. If you're just going off the deep end, for some odd reason, note that you are hurting others and the people that you are hurting have feelings as well. Feelings are something that you have to realize that you are not the only one who possesses them. If you are feeling upset, talk to someone. Not yell at them.
Ever heard of the golden rule? I think that they teach that in kindergarten. The point of the matter is that you should follow that golden rule when you are talking to people. Sometimes, the things we say, although we may or may not mean them may cause someone else to get hurt emotionally.
However, one may argue that everyone has their bad days. Everyone has them, it's a natural part of life. No one is happy for everyday of their life. The bad days are when you want to cuddle up with your dog and watch endless amount of happy movies. (Okay, I'm guilty of this) On these days, one can safely say that one isn't in their right state of mind, therefore one should be able to be forgiven for their wrongdoings, because we're human.
There is a line that sometimes people cross between having bad days, and just coming off as rude, and being horrible to the world around them. When the people around us don't treat us the way that we want to, we have the right to tell them and say hey you hurt me. One thing though with that: there could be an extreme consequence to that, especially when that person may have a lot going on  behind closed doors. But if they are truly hurting your feelings, I'd encourage you to talk to them about it if possible, because they won't know that their doing it until you bring it up to their attention.
The bottom line? Don't treat people like their worth nothing. Respect them, as you would want them to do to you. If you're mad, then use nice words. Know when someone's being a jerk, and someone's being a jerk due to their background lives that they don't present in the day to day showcase. Learn to know the difference.

Why Easy A Is The Best Movie Ever.

Okay, so I'm not much of a movie person. I've been to the movie theater maybe twice in the past year, and I'm rarely one to sit and watch a movie. I think it's partially because I'd rather watch the movies from the eighties and nineties rather then the ones out there today. (Okay, Gatsby was good for the record) However, recently while flipping through channels, I've discovered a witty comedy-drama about a teenage girl and a big rumor. That movie, we all know is to be Easy A.
Easy A is about a girl named Olive who is your average teenage girl. Olive, out of an attempt to get out of a thing with a friend, lies and says that she has a date when she really doesn't. Anyways, in reality, she spend the weekend at home. On Monday, her peers were spreading the rumor that she had sex with this guy. Soon, she was called the 'new school slut' to put it simply. One day, her gay friend asked her to have a fling with her, and in return, she would be paid. Soon, she was the go to girl for 'lying'. Therefore, she has decided that since she has been reading the Scarlett Letter in class, to embroider a red "A" on her chest. (A is for adulter). I'm not going to spoil the movie for all of you, so you guys best rent the movie.
Olive is someone that is different. She's a complete and total bad-ass. She's the girl that's wanting to make her mark on the world, and she's witty. It takes guts to do what she did, so I decided to develop what would Olive do? In a way, that has become sort of my role model, a person that I really want to be like.
And that leads me to this question. Why IS Easy A the best movie ever? It's because it's original and different. Plus, it's well written. It's like the chocolate chips on the cookie. It's something that is different than everything else, and it gives me this warm and fuzzy feeling when I watch it.
The point? Watch Easy A. It's the best.

Cracking.

Lately, I've been going through a period of self-doubt. Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? I don't know exactly what is the cause of this sort of behavior, whether it may be the cause of having too many goals or expectations. I always worry about screwing up, whether with friends or with my future. I feel like I could do more then I am..and that often worries me.
I've always been insecure. I've always worried whether or not I'm pretty or whether or not I'm going to make it as something. The cure for most of this, at least for me is to talk about it, especially with someone who you trust. No stranger danger here folks.
I often wonder, and fear that I'm doing something wrong. I wonder if I put too much on my plate, or too much pressure on my back. I worry that I'm going to crack.
Then I got to thinking and what do I want in life? I want a person who will love me, and tell me that I mean something to them other then sexual relation. I want to be supported and to be treated, well nicely. I want to be successful, and I want to be, well good at something. I want to make a difference,  but most importantly, I want to be happy.
I wonder if I ever truly be happy. I crack under pressure, especially when it comes to school. I hate tests, and I love writing papers. I wonder if there's a such thing as a test paper?
Maybe, just maybe, I am enough. Am I?

If I Were To Rule the World

With great powers comes great responsibilities. Otherwise, then there could be great consequences. It is similar to when one goes for their license. The ones that speed and text are the ones who are too young to have the freedom to enjoy their car. Becoming a ruler of the world is similar like that. If I were to be a ruler to this world, I would bring about great changes to those living and change the way of life for the greater good forever. Change, especially great change is something that is gradual and is not expected to happen overnight. To make a change more permanent then everyone must be willing to do so; at least the vast majority.
The first and perhaps the most important thing on my list is to have the same rights for everyone, despite their sexual orientation, race or SES (socioeconomic status). A human is a human, despite their decisions, and the way that they choose to live their lives. They have a heart that beats blood through their veins. They have the same autonomy as us. Therefore they should have the rights that are the same as us. Let them get married. Let them have the same opportunities as you. This would change society for the better, simply because then everyone would have the same rights and everyone would get to marry who they want to love. This would make the world more fair, and everyone would at last be more equal.
After gay rights, I would next focus on adolescents. During puberty one tends to feel lonely. Therefore, I would propose every teenager getting a counselor to discuss issues ranging from issues with the opposite sex, and their changing bodies. This I believe to be important because I feel like more and more teens need someone to listen to them, someone whose not a parent, and to be told that they are beautiful inside and out. I would also focus on presenting more positive role models, such as Demi Lovato. By focusing on these issues, and making teens feel like there are people that are there for them that love them can only bring good things, and positive outcomes, which is a change to the way the world is now.
Let's not forget about the animals. Millions of dogs are abandoned each year. If it was up to me, then I would ensure brutal and negative consquences to those who do so. I want every animal to have a home and someone to cuddle with them on a daily basis. They need love too, and their freaking adorable, if I do say so myself. Let's make that statistic to zero, shall we?
I doubt that I'll become queen of the world anytime soon. However, I still can make changes to the greater good of society. Volunteering. Listening. I am one person, and with one person we can start a movement that we can at least work towards a greater goal.

Bucket List

Okay, so everyone has a list of things that they want to do during their lifetime. Whether or not that they make sense, they are there for us to forever wonder. Things that we have to do by the time we die. I got to thinking, what is on my list? So after careful thinking here's my list.

1. Go to the bar featured in the television show Cheers when I turn 21. 
2. See Aerosmith live in concert. 
3. Learn Latin.
4. Volunteer at a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving.
5. Go to Italy at least three times. 
6. Ride the Aerosmith ride. 
7. Go to Disney World. 
8. Write at least one novel in my life that gets published.
9. Go to a special event that has to do with the Royal Family, because I'm obsessed with them. Whether it's a wedding or something, it still would be awesome.
10. Help as many people I can when I become a therapist with problems that they may have, whether trivial or serious.
11. To make a difference, and an imprint in this world sometime before I die. 

Big Day? Yeah okay.

Okay, it's guilty pleasure time. So, I've been into the shows Four Weddings and Say Yes to the Dress on TLC. I don't know why, let's just blame it on the fact that I'm a girl. Yes, that seems about right. However, after watching all of these shows, I've developed an opinion about the whole wedding thing.
First and foremost, is the point of the wedding to celebrate one's love for someone? Not to wear a gown that reminds me of a cupcake, but because they love the person and want to celebrate it. Not everything has to be perfect because your love isn't perfect. I understand that you want to have the wedding that you dreamed of having since your Barbie days, but relax people. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE A PRINCESS AND YOU WILL NEVER BE, OKAY GET OVER IT. So, stop and chill the fuck out because seriously you need to take a chill pill.
The second thing is this wedding day I believe that is the start of your life together as husband and wife. It's the beginning of a journey that will take you down a road that you would not experience otherwise. This wedding is something that doesn't have to do with napkins and cake, it has to do with love.
I've gotton to thinking. Weddings aren't something that's worth making stress over. Sure, it's an exciting event, but it's no reason to be a complete and utter bitch to people. Of course, we only get one wedding in our lifetimes, but still. It just irks me when brides are like 'it's my day!' No one owns a day bitch. Second of all, don't forget your husband too, because he has some part of it...(and your diamond ring on your left finger...)
When I get married, I don't want all of the fuss. I don't think it's necessary. It's a day that has to be shared and celebrated by two people that are in love, and I want to keep it like that. If it was up to me then  I would go down to city hall wearing a simple white dress and blue heels, and just do it then and there. No fuss, right? The simple things are the best things.

Not For Me

A lot of my friends are in relationships. Some of them tend to have more drama then others. If you want my opinion, and screw that I'm going to give you my opinion anyway because I believe it to be important. I hate drama. I hate crying and making myself upset because it seems completely stupid and pointless. Who likes crying and feeling sad? Honestly. Isn't the point of a relationship to be HAPPY? Hello, happy isn't crying with a tub of ice cream because you're fighting with someone. Happy isn't shutting yourself off from society until he calls or texts.
I feel like some of the girls out there have unrealistic expectations on what's expected of a man that their with.  They watch the Notebook, and they think that relationships are like that. Well, they aren't. First of all, Noah and Allie's relationship is one scripted by a writer. Your relationship is written by God. Two different writers. Hollywood paints such an illusion of relationships that I often find myself wondering when will my prince arrive? (okay once, but still) Due to this, we expect the man to do this in real life.
Crazy girlfriends have become the rage on Twitter,  YouTube and Facebook. I DO follow her because she's so entertaining. But I couldn't notice the unrealistic expectations that she has for her boyfriend. For example, texting multiple times (okay fine, I've done this before), calling a girl a whore for liking her boyfriend's status, and countless other crazy things. These things are more and more becoming into real life.
First of all, if this applies to you, maybe you should CHILL for a second.
Second of all, it leaves me wondering if I'm able to be in relationship. If a guy expects a girlfriend to do those things, then clearly it's acceptable. However, it's not me. I'm not in a relationship, but I wouldn't mind one. I don't plan on solely focusing on that, and making my relationship be my sole thing I have going for me. (I mean come on. Girl who falls in love and gets married and spits out children? Boring life story. Now girl who has a career, a family, a great romance, and not to mention an awesome car....that's what I'm talking about.) I have school. Grad school. A job to find. I have many books to read, a difference to make and people to help. I can't spend my time being unhappy because someone didn't call me. I think life's too short to be unhappy, and therefore why should I spend my life being sad.
 If and when some guy is dumb enough to go out with me, I can guarantee that I won't do that unless he does something completely stupid or I have emotional reason to. I'm not trying to offend anyone who does fall into this category, I just don't fall into it. Is it bad? Maybe. But I want to be in a relationship that's happy and relaxed. Not one that makes me sad. Sad macs should just stay computers.

Can't Change The Past; Can Change The Future.

I often worry about things that may or may not happen. Based on my past experiences, I often think that they will happen again in the future.
Well, they won't.
What's in the past is in the past. It's like the paper that you've already written and handed in; it's done, and you can't change what's already pierced the paper. You can't worry about it because it's already in the teacher's hands. What's done is done.
The future is like the dependent variable; it's the constant that forever changes. Whatever action you are doing now will affect your future. You know that test that you have on Monday? The one that you know is like your hardest subject. Yeah, you know. Well you have two options. The first is to blow it off all weekend and spend your weekend in the pool. If you do this, then on Monday you'll look at the test, not know anything and ultimately fail. The second one is if you study and balance some play in efficiently. Then on Monday you know all of the answers and get an A.
I'm learning that lesson now. The figures who hurt me in the past are no longer here to haunt me in the future. I know that the people in my present aren't the ones from my past. They won't hurt me because they don't have the capacity as those previously.
With that, I still have fear that remains. Fear of getting close to someone who may one day leave. Because of that I panic, and because of that, I get upset. But being scared about losing something is pointless because if you're so scared of losing it why do you even want it so badly? If a bird doesn't want to stay, it won't stay.
The past is in the past. It was bleak, and it's behind us. The future remains in front of us; something bright and shiny to look foreward to with open arms.
And that's a fact.