Saturday, June 21, 2014

This Is Only The Beginning.

The following is a one of my more personal at your own risks.
In life, we wear many titles and hats. We are our parents children, our teachers' students, and our significant others' soulmates. We're people who wander around aimlessly, and only stop until we find something that just feels right. Then we stay there, until something else feels uncomfortable, and suddenly, just like that, we're left to do nothing but wander. It's an endless cycle, in which we have no control over what exactly goes on. It can even become a cycle, in which you rinse and repeat.
I'm almost twenty years old, and I've been single for pretty much most of it. I've been involved in three or four trivial relationships, a few flirtationships which one ended badly, and of course that one serious sorta relationship that ended like a train-wreck. I guess the serious question here is how did I get there.
With everything I've learned, whether in life or in love, I believe it's a lesson. I've had so many trials and errors, and to be honest it's exhausting after a while to find where this person that's supposedly the one that's our future partner. But, as Dory says, we keep on swimming. Where to? Well, man I don't know.
Over the years, my views on pretty much everything pretty much changed. So have my views on relationships. When I was younger I wanted what you see in the movies, you know the ones that were previously a novel written by Nicholas Sparks. Well, I like that version as much as the next gal, but it's not real. Now, I want someone to be there for me, and be my guidepost in life. I want someone to say 'I think you're pretty,' when you don't feel pretty. I want someone to realize that it's okay to make mistakes, and not be perfect. I'm surely not. I want someone who can grow with me, not tell me to go a certain way. I want someone to enlighten me in books, to push me to become a better person as a whole, and of course to understand my crazy sense of humor. It's hard to find someone like that.
As I wander through life, it's safe to say I don't know what I want for me right now. Yes, I want a relationship. Timing is never my thing, because man timing is something that many of us can't get right. I mean, come on you really have to be on your a-game here. There's something about the whole meant to be, and the whole getting the timing right.
I've written countless blog entries over the years about trying to find the one. But four years later, I still have yet to find him. So, why am I looking? I could use this time to wander around aimlessly, and enjoy every turn of the way that life gives me. I've done a lot to be proud of, from surviving two years of college, switching my major to one that makes me happy, and of course, meeting a lot of people that have changed me forever. It sure beats becoming a guy hound, and searching for love's scent everywhere I turn. And, that's what I'm doing.
Eventually, my prince will come in fairytale style attire, and all decked out with his white horse. Or he can be a rebel and go with the black, because really black is much cooler than white at any means. Well, anyways you get the point. In someways, I guess that you can say that I've found some sort of happiness, and a voice. However, I'd say that this is only the beginning.

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