Monday, November 16, 2015

Under the (Negative) Influence

Last week, I wrote one of the most honest blog entries in a long time about my struggles with depression and anxiety. Now, I'm writing to talk more about it, because it's something that has taken center stage in my life, sadly. Furthermore, it's something that's affecting every avenue in my life, and something I have to deal with.
Today, I want to talk about something my therapist bought up to me in a session. He said to avoid people that bring you down during this negative time, because it's only going to drag you down even farther. If someone's making you feel bad or upset while talking to them, then just don't talk to them. After that session, I realized there was a grain of truth to what he said, and that through out my circle of friends I've been feeling dragged down by some. Whenever a friend says I'm anxious or upset, I am tempted to shout "try living my life! I have anxiety! I have three jobs! I go to school. I have no free time." That's not the most helpful thing in the world to do, but sometimes I feel that way.
While a lot of my friends are going through a difficult time themselves, I'm now beginning to realize that some people have truly made me upset to talk to. It's not that I'm upset with them or that I don't care about them, it's just I feel constantly dragged down whenever they complain. That's why in turn, I try to avoid talking about my struggles unless you are one of my closest friends. I'm fearful of being that friend who constantly brings everyone down.
As I deal with my anxiety, I'm realizing something. I'm realizing that I need to put myself first. Just like it's not someone's responsibility to 'fix' me, it's also not my responsibility to fix someone else's mess. As a friend, I can be empathetic and there for you when you need a hug or someone to talk to. But, it's also not my problem to fix what's wrong in your life. If you're constantly complaining about not having something and not doing something about it, chances are I'm not going to want to have you around me anymore. It's cruel and mean, yes. But I'm not in the place to be dragged down, because I have something else going on.
There's some friends who make me feel better about things, and are positive influences in my life. However, there's some that truly are not the case whatsoever. Selena Gomez once said "you are who you surround yourself with." Since hearing that, I can truly identify with what she was saying. I have some good friends already, however, if you're going to complain about your life consistently, I'm going to either encourage you to change it or talk to someone who can. Problems, can be fixed, just like things can. Sometimes, I'm not the resource to do so.
At the end of the day, being a good friend is important. However, Natalie's mental health is something I think is as well.


  1. When I tried helping a junkie I met in a psych ward. In the hospital he was detoxing, clean, and motivated to quit. His oldest brother had recently overdosed. Only reason I gave a shit to do something about the heroin taking over Detroit. The police had been called but he peaced out my sliding door. I told the police yeah,I have a recovering addict in my home. I don't use (they said they can tell but still looked for track marks). The one officer said as persistent as I am to murder the heroin scene, if you hang around the barber shop long enough you're going to get a haircut. Same point Selena Gomez was making. The friend was doing well since I've last seen him, visited him in jail, and he even requested 90 days vs probation. They released him....but he called a month later from a sobriety house he's been staying at. I'm not going out of my way to contact him because I last saw my positive impact and his will power at its best...and I'm scared to find out he's dead.
    "You can't save the world Micaela" is something my step-brother often tells me.
    You can't save the world Natalie.
    You can save yourself.

    - Harlynn

    1. Also your therapist is right. You don't have to disconnect your relationship with those people though. Ignore a person when they do something you don't like or care about, and show your care and have fun when they subconsciously realize what you do to enjoy their tome to the fullest with Natalie.
      Do your best not to blow up, unless hours ready to open up emotionally to them directly after. I'm on SSI for my hearing how busy ones schedule is as their reason for mental health it brings me down. I envy it...

    2. Wow, that's an intense story. I agree with you on the fact you can't save the world, and you can only safe yourself. I believe it's important.

  2. Just read this blog entry -- you're so right!
    peace and love!