Society and the Single Girl: Single Shaming.

Single shaming: When people in relationships make those who are not in relationships feel like crap because they are not in a relationship that is as awesome and lovely as theirs. 
Examples: "My boyfriend is the best but you won't understand."
"Do you want me to set you up with someone?"
"Maybe you should get a Tinder."

Warning. This can be used at times when you are feeling the most happiest about your life and then the need to justify your lifestyle usually follows.

Before I begin this lovely thought out message, let me just say something. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. However, in most of our culture it is forseen as a curse. In many cultures, the concept of a woman being married is perhaps more important than her accomplishments, no matter how great they may be. Law school? PhD? Or even an MD? Nope, not as important as being married.
Since there is such a great accomplishment in being married or even having a significant other, it puts a lot of pressure on people to get a significant other. It makes women who otherwise have a lot going for them (i.e. money, education and a great paying job) feel like complete and total failure. And that is utterly stupid.
How many of you have seen the show Sex and the City? (It's personally the best thing that anyone can watch, so watch it.) That is the best example of single shaming because the show centers around the idea of being single and awesome. There's one episode about a former party girl turned Connecticut snob, married women threatened by the single person, and an episode about a married person giving Carrie a hard time because she spends a crazy amount of money on shoes. (Well, if the shoe fits..) Sex and the City has a boatload of examples of single shaming, proving that this is an actual thing.
Single shaming is the relationship version of body shaming. I think we should personally stop making others ashamed of their shortcomings, such as relationships, weight and other nonsense. I personally think that people who make others feel bad for the things that we don't have. #byeFelicia Chances are, these homies are people with their own insecurities. Maybe they worry that their significant other is cheating on them with the nanny or something.
For all of you in relationships and are doing this, get the hell out off your high horse. You were single at one point or another, and who knows, you might be single again. Single people are pretty awesome too. They should get a medal or something because they do it alone.  Just because you're in a wonderful relationship (or say so on Facebook) doesn't mean that you have the right to say that other people are less than you because they aren't.
The bottom line? Single, dating, or in a relationship? Stop shaming all over the place. It's not wanted. Or even needed.

Single By Choice

There is this song by the band 'The Bangles' called 'Single by Choice.' Despite the fact that I haven't listened to it for about two years, it's been stuck in my head lately. As a single girl, I can relate to it, because many people I know think that being with someone is their main priority in life. Needless to say, it's strange that some people believe that every woman needs a man in her life to complete her. Or, at least I do.
I've heard all of the things that people in relationships say to you when you're single. First, the ever so annoying question of 'why are you still single?' It is usually followed by the equally annoying 'You should try Tinder', 'stop watching Netflix and actually go and be social', or 'you'll find a good guy when you're least expecting it.'
How about no? #sorrysonotsorry
I am not single by choice, but single by fate. I've tried the whole online dating thing, but I would rather not be looked at like a piece of meat. Let's face it, the types of guys on Tinder are a bit obnxious, and I find them to be very obnoxious. Once again, I am so not sorry for my opinion. I work two jobs, and I go to school, which I want to actually succeed in doing. At the end of the week, I find Netflix to be a relaxing way to kick back and enjoy my day as it comes. I also don't like going out clubbing because I don't want to date the kinds of guys that hang out in bars. I  don't want to be someone's hook-up, or someone's one night stand. I am not that kind of girl, nor will I ever be.
Romantic movies have also clouded my judgement into being a combonation of fate, and in the end, the guy will come to you. Life is not like the movies, although let's face it sometimes you wish that Justin Long was your knight in shining armor to save you when you're a damsel in distress. Am I the only one who wants that? No, just me..okay cool.
As a younger girl, I've played with Barbie, who naturally has a Ken right beside her. Barbie was superwoman with her many outfits, and career choices. But, she had to have Ken by her side. (I was a 90s kid, this was before they broke up.)  Naturally, this programs girls into thinking that they have to have a man, in order to be successful.
I've been single for five years this October. Yes, that's a long time I know, and I'm working on getting some cats to become the crazy cat lady. (Except I'm allergic, so I don't know how that's going to go, so whatever) I believe that love is going to happen to me well whenever it does. I am the victim of fate, so hopefully I'll have my own love story to share with you before I go onto becoming queen of the universe. I believe that there's more to life than just becoming someone's wish, contrary to popular belief.
Of course, over the past five years I've been the type of person to see cute couples on my social networking and just for a second have a pang of jealousy to wishing that I was in their shoes. As a private person, I am not sure if I'll want to post my relationship status for my 1,000+ friends to see, at least not right away. I am the type of person to gag whenever there's a post about love, well most of the time.
 I'm not axing relationships, because I do eventually want to be in one. I do want the ending to my movie. However, I don't want that to be the only point of validation that I have. I don't want to be viewed as pathetic when I say 'I'm single.' Not having a boyfriend isn't the end of the world, despite what others may tell you. Eventually I'll find my man with my glass slipper. But, don't take pity on me because I haven't found the one that makes me happy. In the mean time, can we celebrate the fact that I work two jobs, and go to school and still manage to keep my sanity?
Thank you, and good day.

Society and the Single Girl-Things NOT To Say To Single People

Being single is something that pretty much every person reading this can relate to. At some point or another, we all have been single. And yes, this means you for all of you people who are crazy in love. However, there's a common misconception that being single can be a bad thing, which it isn't. I mean, being single is pretty awesome most of the time. However, some people really know how to, well push your buttons. Here's what you should avoid saying to all of the single people in your lives. We will all be internally grateful for it.
You should go on a dating site. Okay dating sites are cool for people that like it. But I've experimented with dating sites, and I hated it. However, being told that I should try a dating site must mean that you think that I am desperate for a relationship. How about no. Dating websites are tricky to manover, mainly because you encounter the creepy, and you really don't know what you're getting. Yes, I'll go on them if I want to. Not because you told me that's the only way to meet Prince Charming on his white horse.
How are you still single? Okay, so raise your hand if you've ever gotton this question before. Okay. Now keep it up if you ever found this conversation to be extremely awkward when you are asked that. Yes, there's no man in my life. That means my last significant other in my life wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. However, you asking that is just unecesary.
Stop being so picky. Honey, I have standards that are higher than my heels. If I want to be picky, that's not because I want to drive all of the perspective suitors away. It's because I want someone whose actually of good quality and I won't settle for anything less. By lowering them, that will make me extremely unhappy. Yes, it may drive many out of the running, but I won't let that get in the way with what I want.
You'll meet someone when you least expect it. Aren't we always on the prowl for looking for your next boyfriend? #justsaying
I wish that I were still single. Well, I guess that your relationship is clearly going well. Everyone thinks that the grass is greener on the other side, and it's not. Saying that sounds like you're just unhappy with your relationship, and if you want to be single, just be single.
What about that (guy that you casually dated)? Sometimes, we go out with people only to find out that they are duds. Therefore, I'm not going to go out with that, continue to spend time with them, or even call them my boyfriend if they annoy me, or some other dealbreaker that they have. I tried the shoe on and then I returned it. Thank you for mentioning my dud purchase.
You need to go out more. I realize that staying home, and taking selfies with my dog isn't exactly the best thing in the world to change my relationship status. However, if I went out more, I should just do it because I want to. Not because I am a desperate single looking for love.
What if I set you up? Blind-dating? No thanks.
To all of you single people out there (or people that were once single), what are some things that you just can't stand hearing?

Why It's Awesome to Be Single

 
It seems like everyone wants to be in a relationship, or wants us to be in a relationship. However, we don't realize something. It's okay to be single. In fact, it's really awesome to be single. Here's why it's okay to be single, and enjoy it.So many times, when people are in relationships, or even desperately want one, they often forget that it's okay to be single. And celebrate it, as Jess does in the picture above.
You can focus on you. When you're in a relationship, you often wonder what that other person wants, and want to please them. But, when you're single, you then realize what you want. If you want to go binge-watch a TV show, go ahead. If you want to go partying it up with the ladies, you don't have to worry about whose waiting for you at home. Instead, you can focus on living in the moment with your girls.
Instead of buying them presents, you can buy more things for you. Even though you like to buy your boyfriend countless things, you have got to admit that it can cost you a ton of money. Being single, you don't have to worry about that. You can spend your money on that brand new Alex and Ani, a pair of shoes, or even all of the above. Being single could be good on your wallet, unless you're a shopaholic.
You can do whatever you want! One of the things about having a boyfriend is that you're always working on seeing each other, or spending the evening out at date night. Single people? Well if you don't want to go out, then you don't have to. If you want to go out, then you go out. It's as simple as that.
You have awesome single girl music to jam out to. All the single ladies, put your hands up! Single girl music is much more fun to rock out to then love songs, don't you think?

Society and the Single Girl-Why Are You Still Single?

Why are you still single?
It's a question that nearly every person has encountered since the beginning of time. You're pretty, why are you still single, or what's a pretty girl like you still single? If you haven't heard those questions, or seen the hashtag #Imsinglebecause on  Twitter, well you've been living under a rock, or just pretty damn fornute.
Well, ladies and gentlemen here's why I am still single. There's two components to this, so get ready for it.
I have been single since June 2010. At that time, I was almost 16 years old. I've had one really significant boyfriend, and a rebound after that. Needless to say, I've been single for a pretty long time. During when I was with my boyfriend at the time I changed into the type of person who put her boyfriend first. I was obsessed with him, and always needed to talk to him. #crazygfoverhere When he broke up with me in the middle of sophomore year, I was devasted. Now looking back, I really can't blame him. I was sort of the girl that was wrapped around his little finger.
Ever since then, I haven't been able to open up. Deep down, I know that I've changed a lot since then. I've matured, because I'm no longer 15 years old. I realize that love isn't about obsession, but it's about equality. I've always had the fear of turning into that person with no pride whatsoever, and that's something that I never want to happen to me.
The other component is that I can never take risks. Ever since that relationship, I have a hard time opening up to guys I like that show remote interest in me. I can't flirt, and I can't show any sort of confidence. I also can't even say what I'm feeling, which results in me being friend-zoned. I'm often afraid of getting rejected, despite the fact that I so desperately want to be with someone who makes me happy. I take risks, knowing that they would end postively, which is a downfall because with risks sometimes you never know what you're going to get.
I guess that there's something I can do before I can write a post saying I've found a fella. I can start by taking more chances in life. I can actually message that cute guy on Tinder, and I can ask out the guy that I've been crushing on for months. I can fall, and not be sure that there's no safety net to catch me to avoid bruising. The thing about me is that I can tell someone to make a move on a guy, but to actually do it myself isn't exactly my thing.
And that's got to change. Part of me still shudders about that doomed relationship all those years ago. The other, more naughty part of me, craves a chance to meet someone that will actually make her very happy. It's about time that I've listened to that part of me, don't you think?

Society and the Single Girl-Titles

Sometimes, I feel like a freak of nature. At almost twenty, I have friends that are head over heels deep in relationships where they can see a future that's promising in the horizon. And I'm just sitting here, single, with no plans whatsoever on what I want to do with my life, and wondering if I am a freak of nature.
I'm going to say it right now, and get it over with. I'm not sure if I want to have the wedding, followed by the kids, and live in the white fenced world that's protected by expectations. I'm not offending people who do fall in this category, but it may not be for me. I'm not sure if I want to use the title 'mother', or even 'wife.' "Partner,' yes if I find someone that fits the role. 'Journalist,' hell yeah. I want to be treated as an equal, not the person who provides for her family by cooking. Being June Clever is something that I just don't want to do with my life. I rather be Carrie Bradshaw, who wanders around. I want to be inspiration to many, and I want to do that with or without a man to rule by my side. I feel like that because I don't have a romantic bone in my body, that I'm the enemy single person, that everyone either hates or pities.
Being single and perhaps not knowing if that lifestyle is what you want isn't something that you should be feeling sorry for. Many people often say that, and then are frowned upon. I have friends who just want that, and I think that's great. I don't know what my life is going to be. I sometimes even wonder if I'm too independent to be in a relationship in the first place. Whatever happened to pride? Whatever happened to the women wanting to become president, instead of housewives?
With some people, I believe that falling in love is a trap. A trap of all your pride, dreams, and dignity. I want to be that girl who does what she wants, and doesn't have to tell a man anything. I don't answer to nobody, and that's the way that it's going to be. I don't want to put someone ahead of me, because that's not the way it should be. I have friends, and they are going to be my friends whether or not I have someone in my life. I believe that some people take the dating thing a bit too far, and put their man on a pedestal. I sure as hell will never do that.
Does that make me a person that's the enemy? I put me first, but in all essence, that's about being single. Finding someone that makes you happy. Finding what makes you happy, and never settling for things that don't. At the end of the day, that's truly important, and I want to live my life where every moment of it, for the most part, I'm happy.
And that my friend, is a fact.

Read the latest Tinder project post here.

The Single Things Apply.

There's something about being single that screams pity. Pity because pets are the replacements of significant others. Pity because we have no one to go out on fancy date nights with, no one to say 'i love you', and no one to be our plus ones.

But why?

Everyone at some point or another was single. Everyone at some point or another spent the night downing Ben And Jerry's and hating the dating world. If you don't admit it, then you're just one of those people who pity us because their happy. 

But as much as I get annoyed by the overly cliche couples, I can't help but admire them in some way shape or form. I tell my friends that they should take chances and tell their objects of love that they think that they are the bees knees. I honestly lack the confidence to tell anyone how I feel about them. Getting rejected by someone is my world's biggest fear. I wonder what was the trigger of them telling their others how they feel. What made them take that leap of faith, and decide that 'I want to tell someone how I feel, and it may or may not go well.' I don't know if I have the guts to do that, and that makes me wonder if there is someone out there that would make me want to take that leap of faith. I often wonder if there's someone wondering out there wanting to take that leap of faith with me. I even often wonder if I'll find someone to accept me with my flaws. 

I am annoying, and I can be a bitch. I talk too much, and I take a lot of things way too personally. Those are my weaknesses. There's someone out there to love that about me, and hold me when I am sad. I wonder if it's possible for someone to love me with every single flaw about me, and someone to inspire the desire to take the chance and ask me out to dinner. 

I wish that I can go up to a person that makes me happy and ask him out of dinner. I wish that there's some blinding force that can drive me to tell them how I feel. I wish that there's something that I can do to make it happen. 

And then, I'll be a part of the couples that pity the single. I wonder if there's a Facebook group that you can join. 

Things You Should Never Admit While Dating..Or Trying To.

Whenever you want to date someone you want to present the best side of you. You know, the sunny, superconfident side of you that makes you shine and more desireable? You best not tell them those hidden secrets that are like bats hidden in your attic. Then they wouldn't realize that you're perfect and that your worth having.

I'm insecure.  Guys like girls that ooze confidence, yes? Well honestly, I am that girl who doesn't have any. I have some, but honestly I lack it. It's hard for me to say that I like someone, cause I worry. I worry big time about worrying that I look like an idiot. I worry about my wieght, and at times, I have a lot of issues with the way I look. I don't think guys can like girls who do that. 

I can never take chances. One of the things that I worry about is the fact that I have been rejected. Twice. It's hard to dust yourself off when that happens. Therefore, we lock ourselves in this cocoon where you're away from human contact. Or at least me. It's hard for me to adopt that carefree YOLO attitude where I can careless. Cause I do. If I get hurt, it takes a long time for me to get over it. So, rather than worrying it or risking the whole getting hurt thing, I just don't try.

I worry about attachment. I worry that sometimes being happy can lead to attachment. Like, getting used to having someone in my life, and then all of a sudden, they aren't there anymore. I've gotton this way due to the fact that I got my heart so broken that I still see the scars today. I worry about that happening to me again. 

I get lonely sometimes. Sometimes, I feel alone. During that time, I just want someone to give me a hug. It's probably percieved as 'needy' but when that happens I just want someone sweet to talk to about life. 

I drink too much coffee/swear like a sailor/eat too much chocolate. I have at least one cup of coffee everyday, swear like no tomorrow, and eat way too much chocolate. That's just me. 

Overall, those are my general flaws. I worry, eat too much, and have insecurities. Who the hell would love someone like that? I know that if I wanted to put that in an about me at a dating site, then I'm pretty sure that I won't find any matches. However, I can't help but wonder if my flaws are what makes me, well me. I can't change, but maybe, those little quirks are things that I want to hide in my closet, next to my skeltons. However, I think that those things, added up to the good things, make me the completely whole awesome person. 

Music Monday; Valentine's Edition

Hey there, everyone. Following the tradition of love themed posts this week, first up is some awesome tunes. After all, music is the language of love. Have no valentine? Have no fear, we have a playlist for you as well! So, get your iPod ready for that special night, here's some of my favorite songs for you to play, whether you're riding solo or not!

For the Lovebirds;

• I've Had the Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes (From Dirty Dancing)
• Check Yes Juliet by We the Kings 
• Hold onto Me by Mayday Parade 
• Crazy by Aerosmith 
• Deuces are Wild by Aerosmith 
• I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith 
• Candyman by Christina Aguilera
• Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera 
• You're the Inspiration by Chicago
• Crazy for You by Madonna
• Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey 
• Teenage Dream by Katy Perry 

For the Singles;

• 1 2 Step by Ciara 
• Single by Natasha Bedingfield 
• Ladies Night by Kool and the Gang 
• Get Down Tonight by KC and the Sunshine Band
• Walk this Way by Aerosmith 
• Prima Donna by Christina Aguilera 
• Venus by Lady Gaga 
• Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke

Here's to a rocking Valentine's Day! 

"Fake it Til You Make It"

My friend and I were talking yesterday about guys. We both happen to like someone, and are trying to navigate that whole business. Then she turned around and said I was the most confident person that she knew. I had to look twice. Me? Confident? Now that's a good one.

Although that's a really good compliment, I couldn't help but wonder why I'm so confident. In reality, dating scares me. The fact that there's someone out there that may or may not like me scares the living daylights out of me and causes me to run faster than a deer in the headlights. I'm so insecure at times it's not even funny.  I worry, I overthink, and I get anxious for no reason. It's still a hard thing for me to realize one thing. I guess I faked it enough til I made it. 

Honestly, I believe that if you want something or someone you gotta go for it. Make it known that you want it cause sometimes you gotta take a chance. Whether it's texting them, or just going up and making out with them, there's one thing that they have in common.  Bitch, you just gotta do it. Whether or not he would say no, you just gotta get up the balls and do it. And then you fake it til you make it. 

I literally follow that idea all of the time. I listen to confidence boosting music that makes me feel like a bad ass. I even have staying alive on my iPod so I can pretend to be John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever with the paint can and walking down the street. I think I'm the best person ever, cause duh I am. But like I said, there's another side to that. Kind of like that soft center in the tootsie pop. You have to really dig deep to get there. Once I start revealing it to you, that means I like you. 

However showing that vulnerable side of me is something that scares me. I'm worried that at the end of the day, he's going to realize that I'm not always that girl whose always happy. I have multiple sides of me, like diamonds have multiple facets. I want to be with someone who understands sometimes I want to talk about the world, and other times that I just want to sit in silence. Basically, I want someone that can be with me when I'm at my most confident, and be able to be with me when I'm not. There's more to me than just that girl who fakes it til she makes it. I just want to know one thing; is there someone out there that can find that part of me?