Thursday, January 30, 2014

"Fake it Til You Make It"

My friend and I were talking yesterday about guys. We both happen to like someone, and are trying to navigate that whole business. Then she turned around and said I was the most confident person that she knew. I had to look twice. Me? Confident? Now that's a good one.
Although that's a really good compliment, I couldn't help but wonder why I'm so confident. In reality, dating scares me. The fact that there's someone out there that may or may not like me scares the living daylights out of me and causes me to run faster than a deer in the headlights. I'm so insecure at times it's not even funny.  I worry, I overthink, and I get anxious for no reason. It's still a hard thing for me to realize one thing. I guess I faked it enough til I made it. 
Honestly, I believe that if you want something or someone you gotta go for it. Make it known that you want it cause sometimes you gotta take a chance. Whether it's texting them, or just going up and making out with them, there's one thing that they have in common.  Bitch, you just gotta do it. Whether or not he would say no, you just gotta get up the balls and do it. And then you fake it til you make it. 
I literally follow that idea all of the time. I listen to confidence boosting music that makes me feel like a bad ass. I even have staying alive on my iPod so I can pretend to be John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever with the paint can and walking down the street. I think I'm the best person ever, cause duh I am. But like I said, there's another side to that. Kind of like that soft center in the tootsie pop. You have to really dig deep to get there. Once I start revealing it to you, that means I like you. 
However showing that vulnerable side of me is something that scares me. I'm worried that at the end of the day, he's going to realize that I'm not always that girl whose always happy. I have multiple sides of me, like diamonds have multiple facets. I want to be with someone who understands sometimes I want to talk about the world, and other times that I just want to sit in silence. Basically, I want someone that can be with me when I'm at my most confident, and be able to be with me when I'm not. There's more to me than just that girl who fakes it til she makes it. I just want to know one thing; is there someone out there that can find that part of me? 

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