Tuesday, February 17, 2015

I Wanna Get Better

Last week, I wrote a post entitled 'The Importance of Taking Time For Yourself' in which I talked about my issues with my mental health and having to take a step back. I first want to take a moment and say thank you to a few people who have emailed and supported me, including my good friends Bethany and Kari.
I've decided to once again post about it for two reasons. The first is that I want to be able to talk about it, and have people look up to me as being a strong individual. If someone is suffering due to depression or other mental health issues, I want them to know that they are not alone. Even though I know first hand that it sure as hell doesn't feel like that. The second is that writing for me is some sort of therapy. My blog is my account of my life, and sometimes writing a post is always helpful. I previously stated that I have slowly evolved from sharing every detail about my life on my blog, but at the same time, I feel like I could benefit from doing so. I don't know if this will become a regular part of my blog, but if I feel like I want to write about something, I will write about it.
Since writing that first post, I still haven't felt normal. Crying has become a sense of normal for me, and I constantly have been feeling miserable. It's affected my friendships, because I would lean on my friends, especially my good friends who I trust more than anyone. I am lucky to have such good friends, but they are not my therapists. I am in the process of getting a therapist, but sometimes there are things that people can't do to make you better.
I've also been furthering on cutting down on my weekly articles. As an editor for my school's paper, I have to write 2 articles for my own section. I also am taking an intense writing class, where I have to write another article weekly. And of course, there's this little ol' blog where I write every day in pretty much. Although scheduling posts is helpful, I still am writing a lot. 
Cutting down on my responsibilities, as well as dropping one of my classes was a step in the right direction, but I often feel like I am a failure for doing so. I've put a crazy amount of pressure on myself to become a better. However, I have given myself crazy high expectations, and that's not good. I need to realize that I am in fact enough, no matter what my GPA is. I need to learn that my best is in fact enough. I have to learn to take things on a step by step basis, and not worry so much about what something that happens next year.
I wanna get better. I don't want to be depressed, and I want to be happy. I'm taking steps towards happiness, and I know that it will be a while. I am a human who is a work in progress. I don't hold the answers to everything, in fact I hold the answers to next to nothing. I do know one thing. I know that the road to being better relies on me, and only me alone. I'm not sure how long it will take for me to reach the destination, but I know that I am a strong person who can handle anything. 

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