The Worry About the Worry.

According to Gabriel, I worry too much. In fact every time I begin the sentence 'I'm worried about...' they stop me right then and there and say 'stop worrying.'

The thing is-it's not as simple as that. 

Gabriel is one of the few people who I can can call whenever I am in that freaking out stage. However, freaking out is one of the few things you can't switch out when you want to it stop. Like most storms, you simply have to ride them out and hope that they won't be cruel. We live in an age where words such as anxiety and angst get thrown around like they are going out of style. Many people from my past and my present have anxiety, and I'm no stranger to it. 

Do I have anxiety? Not really? I studied mental health, and I really don't think that I have that. I do however have a hella amount of fears. Most of them stem from my relationship past, and my fears of being left. 

Do you know what I worry about?

I worry of making a fool out of myself. I worry that a person is mad at me for whatever reason, even though I didn't do anything wrong. I worry that one day, a love interest will decide that I'm not good enough for him and then walk away and you'll have to file a missing person's report because he's gone MIA. I worry that I'm not enough for someone, and I'm worried that I'm too much. 

Why do I worry? I worry because my first love told me that he just couldn't see me in his future. He was interested in someone else through out the entire time that we were 'together'. (The whole relationship was a joke, looking back.) I worry because even though it's been over five years since that has happened to me, I'm too sensitive for that rejection. I still can recall the amount of blood and tears that went into it. I worry because I don't want that to ever happen again. I worry because I've watched way too many episodes of 'He's Just Not That Into You.' I think too much, which was results into worry. 

I sometimes wonder if my worrying gets in the way with my love life. Five and a half years later, I am still single. I most of the time wear it with a badge of honor, but to be honest, I wish that I can get up the courage to tell someone that I care about him and like him. I worry about whether or not he'll return the feelings. I worry that he'll forever hate me, when in reality it's because he left his phone somewhere. I am skeptical, perhaps a bit too skeptical for my own good. I worry about the feeling loneliness. I wonder if I'll ever get over this, or will I always be tainted, broken even. 

This is more depressing then my normal posts, but I wonder when will I stop worrying. I wonder when I'll stop not believing someone when they say that they care about me. I wonder when I'm going to finally become normal again, some strange and obscene concept normality is. When will the worry end?

Cars I Wish I Could Drive.

Currently, I am the proud owner of a Honda Civic named Rosie. However, if I weren't gifted this lovely car, I would had to go out and buy one. Since I like to think a lot about things, I decided to play the 'what if' game to what cars I wanted to drive. (Don't worry Rosie, I plan on keeping you forever.)

• Jeep Wrangler-Lorelei Gilmore made me want one, but honestly if I were to get an SUV, this would be the one that I would get. I really like it that it's small and if I were to want to drive in the snow I could. (The one downfall of Rosie is that she's not made for New England weather.)

• VW Beetle-This is probably going to be my 'big girl' purchase. I'm obsessed with this car, because they are so darn cute. They are small, perfect for backing in. I've always wanted one ever since I've watched Herbie Fully Loaded, and I'm afraid that I still do.
• PT Cruiser-Even though these are no longer in make, these are pretty cute.
• Cadilac SRX Luxury Crossover-My grandfather's most prized procession was a 1970 Cadillac (I used it to go to prom in.) In honor of him, I would like to own one. Specifically this one. 

All images have been taken from my Pinterest Board-Behind the blog.

Goodbye, Friend.

On Wednesday, Gabriel went back to college at Mac for their spring semester. Unlike last year, Gabriel won't be coming home for spring break. So, I might be able to see them until May. Although I'm quite sad that they are leaving, I am happy that they are going to be in a place that they are going to be happy.

Through out the break, we've had our ups and our downs. However, I've realized how lucky that I am to have them in my life and to be my friend. I am always there for them even if they are over a thousand miles away. Over the years, they have become one of my nearest and dearest friends. I hope that they know how much I love them and care about them.

So, goodbye Gabriel! Good luck with your semester. See you on Skype and the interwebs!

New Glasses!

I've worn glasses pretty much for all of my life. Recently, I've been having trouble seeing with my old glasses, so I've decided to get them checked out. She decided that I needed new glasses. So, I've settled on these frames, which are called cat-eyed. The style was inspired by Jess' glasses from the show New Girl and Audrey Hepburn's sunglasses in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

I choose to wear glasses because I'm allergic to contacts. I've worn contacts for most of my junior year in high school, but I've always had trouble not scratching my eyes out. So, I went back to glasses senior year, except for occasions such as prom. I've worn every single style of hipster glasses known to demand, but these are honestly my favorite pair. Plus, the fact that I can see again is also a good thing! 

But Above All This, I Wish You Luck.

There are many stages of a romantic relationship. There's that happy stage where you're getting on every person that you know's nerves, because you're 'so into each other.' This is otherwise known as the honeymoon period. Then there's the period of adjustment, which follows this because you're learning how to live with this person. This is often the time when you decide whether or not you like that person as much as you said that you did, and enough to actually work on the faults that you have neglected to see. Then, there's the downwards spiral where you begin to hate each other and things become really terrible to live in. Then there's the wrecking ball stage, where the deed is done, and you're crying your heart out with your homeboys Ben and Jerry.
The funny thing about that stage? It eventually fades away. Your breakup haircuts will grow out, and you'll slowly begin to not feel like a knife has went through your heart. This is around the time when whatever your partner did becomes old news, and then you move on step by step day by day. That's the time when you finally realize that there are bad sides to good people. Someone who you thought was the Prince turned out to be the dragon that you slayed.
Then you could do two things-be extremely bitter or decide that you're over it. In my opinion the best way to be over someone is to be able to wish them joy when they caused you pain. This my friends, is taking the high road. Being able to congratulate someone on their accomplishments sincerely instead of plotting their demise is something that I think that you should reach because you yourself know that your ex is not a bad person. Sure, they must have did a shitty thing. But that's okay.
I finally can say honestly that I wish every one of my ex boyfriends or kind of boyfriends the best of luck in life. I hope that they find or have found some sort of happiness in whatever they do. If I saw them in a hallway, I wouldn't run but would rather stop and say hello to them.
As Whitney sings 'I hope life treats you kind, and I hope that you have all that you dreamed of.' I believe that is both the saddest and most true love song in my opinion. The best thing to do, and sometimes the hardest depending on the situation, is to wish them nothing but the best. 

I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret.

Everyone out there has those secret little talents. Like who knew that you're a boss at folding laundry, or have terrible aim when it comes to playing basketball? Well, here's some of my 'dirty little secrets.' Or clean, if you want to look at it that way.

• I only know how to back in when I park. I learned how to pull in once, however, I didn't really like it. That, and the driving school I went to focused on backing in, not pulling in. Since I find it easy, I'll probably backing in pretty much everywhere I go. 
• I read magazines back to front, not front to back. It's something that I have no idea why I do, however, if I do it the other way, I'll feel like I'm doing it wrong. That's part of the reason why I hate e-readers. 
• I am exceptionally good at word searches. I can honestly do one in twenty minutes flat. 
• I only drink flavored coffee. (Hello, pumpkin spice!) 
• I absolutely hate the radio. It ruins songs, and I like to have complete control of my audio experience. This can be a problem when I'm driving. 
• I collect CDs. I have about 200, and I personally believe that they are pieces of artwork. 

What are your dirty little secrets?

Spotify, oh My!

Recently, I've decided to invest in Spotify premium. At the time that I decided to buy it, I had gotten three months of it for 99 cents. Basically, I don't have to get ads, and can have music that's available to me online, that can be used on my computer, phone, iPod touch, and iPad. And, the best part is that you can have all of the songs in the world without worrying about losing all of your songs. Since I recently lost most of my songs, it's something that is extremely exciting.
I've been using it for about a week now, and I love it. My friend Gabriel was the person that told me about it, because they had it. At first I was skeptical, because I was attached to my little purple iPod nano, and buying music for it. However, I soon realized that I was running out of space with it. So, the deal with the Spotify made me decide to do so.
I like it that I get have all of the music pretty much on there, and for one low price (10 dollars a month; five dollars for students) I could listen to whatever I want. I don't have to pay to download music, unless I really want to listen to it.
So, the bottom line? If you're tired of constantly buying music, get Spotify premium. Then you don't have to constantly worrying about making sure that you have enough space for every song that you want to listen to, don't have to worry about losing your music, and well, you can listen to it virtually anywhere. Unless I was the last person in the world buying music off of iTunes, in which you all can judge me.
How do you get your music? Let me know in the comments below!

Spring 2015 Goals!

It's hard to believe that tomorrow I'll be starting my 6th semester in college. Now that all of my university requirements are out of the way, I am basically left with my classes for my major, which is Journalism, and my minor which is Creative Writing. This semester I'll be taking three journalism classes, and two english classes. It's a strange feeling to not have any science or math classes, but I'll take it.
This semester I don't really have any goals, so I guess the title of this entry was a little bit deceiving. However, I do a few aspirations.
The first is to enjoy every minute. Time is way too precious and honestly, it moves way too fast. I can't believe that I am in my junior year of college, and in about a year I'll be in my last semester in college. I feel like there's not enough opportunities that I've taken advantage of, and I want to be able to do more than just be stressed. Maybe go to more school functions, meet more people, you know all of that fun stuff. Maybe now that I have a car I can actually do things.
The second is to do the best that I can. I want to give my academics my all, because I'm not going to be in a classroom much longer. Plus, the more you give, the more you get right? I want to go out with a fizzle AND a bang!
College students, what are you going to focus on this semester? 

The Perfect Man For Me

For the record, I don't believe in the perfect man. I believe in instead of finding that person that is made for you. You know, that whole soulmate crap where you find your other half. Yes, I actually believe that stuff, so judge me.
However, there's somethings that I do look for whenever I am on the prowl for a partner or find attractive in a person. You know those things that whenever you see them on a potential partner, and you think 'yes.' Curious? Here's mine.

1. Must be a good listener. I enjoy talking, a lot. What can I say, I would belong in the Gilmore Girl's household? However, sometimes I just need someone to talk to about certain things. In addition to that, communication is something that I value importantly in a relationship. I also hate repeating myself over and over again. So listening is an extremely important skill in my opinion. 
2. Someone whose not afraid of laughing. Laughter is something that I think is important, in addition to a sense of humor. I don't take myself too seriously, and I honestly hate people who don't have a sense of humor. Sometimes, you need to have fun. I want to have fun with the person that I'm with. 
3. Someone who is curious about the world, and wanting to try new things. I enjoy trying new things such as Thai food, playing new games, and reading books. I want someone that is just as curious about life and actually get to doing some of the things on their bucket lists, such as exploring the neighborhood and learning some random facts. I think that curiosity and trying new things is something that helps a person grow. I really want to be with someone that helps me grow. 
4. Someone who isn't controlling. I hate controlling men more than anything. I don't want someone to ask me 'who are you with?' 'Where are you?' a million times a day. I don't like being told what to do, and I don't want someone that makes me feel like I have to be a certain way to be with them. It's not the healthiest thing in the world, and I feel like controlling people are insecure people. Every relationship needs some trust, and the controlling unhealthy ones aren't my scene.

What is your perfect man? 

Society and the Single Girl: Single Shaming.

Single shaming: When people in relationships make those who are not in relationships feel like crap because they are not in a relationship that is as awesome and lovely as theirs. 
Examples: "My boyfriend is the best but you won't understand."
"Do you want me to set you up with someone?"
"Maybe you should get a Tinder."

Warning. This can be used at times when you are feeling the most happiest about your life and then the need to justify your lifestyle usually follows.

Before I begin this lovely thought out message, let me just say something. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. However, in most of our culture it is forseen as a curse. In many cultures, the concept of a woman being married is perhaps more important than her accomplishments, no matter how great they may be. Law school? PhD? Or even an MD? Nope, not as important as being married.
Since there is such a great accomplishment in being married or even having a significant other, it puts a lot of pressure on people to get a significant other. It makes women who otherwise have a lot going for them (i.e. money, education and a great paying job) feel like complete and total failure. And that is utterly stupid.
How many of you have seen the show Sex and the City? (It's personally the best thing that anyone can watch, so watch it.) That is the best example of single shaming because the show centers around the idea of being single and awesome. There's one episode about a former party girl turned Connecticut snob, married women threatened by the single person, and an episode about a married person giving Carrie a hard time because she spends a crazy amount of money on shoes. (Well, if the shoe fits..) Sex and the City has a boatload of examples of single shaming, proving that this is an actual thing.
Single shaming is the relationship version of body shaming. I think we should personally stop making others ashamed of their shortcomings, such as relationships, weight and other nonsense. I personally think that people who make others feel bad for the things that we don't have. #byeFelicia Chances are, these homies are people with their own insecurities. Maybe they worry that their significant other is cheating on them with the nanny or something.
For all of you in relationships and are doing this, get the hell out off your high horse. You were single at one point or another, and who knows, you might be single again. Single people are pretty awesome too. They should get a medal or something because they do it alone.  Just because you're in a wonderful relationship (or say so on Facebook) doesn't mean that you have the right to say that other people are less than you because they aren't.
The bottom line? Single, dating, or in a relationship? Stop shaming all over the place. It's not wanted. Or even needed.

Back In 09..

Lately, I have been watching a lot of Gossip Girl on Netflix, because let's face it Gossip Girl is awesome.  I've got to thinking about what was going on in my life way back in the day, because looking at their flip/sliding phones really got me thinking about what I was doing back in the day. I don't know why but I ran with it.

 The day being five years ago. It's hard to believe that 2009 I was 15 years old. Here's what I was up to way back when.

                                                           Me in 2009.

In 2009 I was...

A sophomore in high school.

I had (and broke up with) my first boyfriend...That was an interesting experience. 

Thought that mirror selfies were the coolest thing ever. 

constantly texting on my LG shine phone. 

I was obsessed with the movie Dirty Dancing.

I was on Facebook like every minute. I also updated my status at least once a day. 

I had just discovered Twitter. 

I just started writing for my high school newspaper, the Dial.

thinking that a smartphone was a Blackberry.

Cut study hall once, because I was a bad ass.

Extremely sassy. (I was looking at old Facebook notes.)

picnicking pretty much every photo I took.

What were you doing in 2009?

The Story of a Relationship

Note:  The following poem is an original poem written by me. 

 

Begin.

It was an early crisp fall day.

Some say that January 1st is the day of new beginnings.

I think that the new school year is a time of tabula rasa.

You sat right next to me.

One day, you said hi.

I wondered if you were always sitting there.

Or, were you something that I noticed now that the surroundings have become familiar?

I didn’t know that by a simple breath, a simple hello.

That I didn’t want to ever say good-bye to you.

Will you ask me?

Will you ask me to be your girlfriend?

Will you ask me to the movies, where who knows what happens in the dark?

Will you do more than gaze at me and never let your feelings known?

What are we?

Are we more than friends?

You smell awfully nice for me to be just a friend.

You paid for my ticket.

What the hell is going to happen next?

The day after December.

I went to your house.

My friend drove me.

Your friend liked her.

For the first time, I thought that maybe this could be something.

I wondered what was going to happen next as you hugged me goodbye.

And comforted me later, as I cried.

You were something.

You suddenly began slipping away.

It was gradual.

I started to notice.

I wondered if it was because of me.

Or was it because of the ghost that haunts your closet.

The demons were too strong for me to compete.

So I took a step back.

Noticed how much you truly were eclipsed with a sea of darkness.

I wanted to be your superhero.

I wished I could take it all away.

However, the battle was meant for you to fight.

I didn’t know when to run.

All of the signals were there.

Yet, I was too stupid to ignore them.

It took one sentence to change my mind about you.

Someone who I thought was good and pure.

Someone who I thought would always have something nice to say.

I didn’t want to think about you.

It hurt that I choose someone who wasn’t you.

It felt like I wasn’t good enough for someone perfect.

I wondered would I ever find that complete perfection?
Or would it be something that I would look at through a glass?

I didn’t know if I ever would achieve that.

I avoided you.

I avoided thinking about you.

If I saw you, I would run away.

That got old.

So, one day I approached you.

I faced my fear head on.

I then wondered what I saw in you.

I look back and feel like that was a lifetime ago.

I managed to come back from you, forever realizing that you are vanilla.

Yes you were perfect.
But your perfection was a result of striving to be perfect.

I will no longer be haunted by your memory.

And, I am now over the blue eyes I once thought were attractive.

Our story is over.

But my own is still happening.

2015-The Bucket List.

So it's been 2015 for about five days now and I've been a bad blogger by not posting a list of resolutions that I may or may not follow. #oops. I fail as a blogger, but oh well. Better late than never right? Here's my list of what I hope to accomplish in 2015.

1. Make it on Dean's List at least once. I finally got close enough this past semester, but I really want to get that oh so important 3.5 so I can at least put on my resume that I have been on Dean's List at least once in my college career. (Plus, it's a cool thing to say that you have been on Dean's List.) I did manage to bring up my GPA, which is always a good thing, so I am proud of that. 
2. Try to make more time to actually socialize. This past fall, it seemed that I was either at work, doing homework, writing articles, and of course in class. Plus, the fact that I got very sick in the middle of the semester didn't actually help with things. I know that is normally the way that things go when you're in college, but since my college years are coming to a close, I want to make sure that I'm not always found stressing out but rather enjoying the fact that I'm not a full-time adult just yet. 
3. Register my car, and finally drive. I hope to accomplish this in January, because honestly, I can't take another semester of asking for rides. 
4. Visit friends! I hope to visit Griffin (and possibly Gabriel) at their colleges this upcoming year. I really want to travel a lot and see things. Plus visiting friends is always a fun time. 
5. Figure out what I'm doing once I graduate. I'm going to be a senior in college this upcoming fall. I honestly can't tell you what I'm doing next. I'm not a thousand percent sure if I want to go to graduate school, because I feel like I would be going due to parental and societal pressure. I also don't know if want to go or take a break. I'm planning on figuring it out over the summer, in which I'll be visiting the schools on my lists. I want to make the best choice for me, but at the moment I don't think I'll be attending graduate school fall 2016. And to be a journalist, that is completely okay. 
6. Not live in the past so much. In 2013, I've based relationships and emotions based on past experiences. Yes, I've lived through some pretty sucky things. However, there is no need to dwell on it. I want to not let people from my past determine my future, because let's face it it sucks. 
7. Save money. I shop way too much and this needs to stop. I actually don't want to live up to the broke college student stereotype, and the only way to do it is to stay away from the mall and Amazon.

Happy 2015 everyone!

Jewelry 101-Basic Tips and Tricks

Jewelry is one of my favorite things that I own. I constantly am buying (or making) jewelry. Jewelry in my opinion is like a decoration to your outfit, kind of like the cherry on top. That's why I have so much in it. Every piece of jewelry that I own is has a meaning or a message to it. However, with all of this jewelry there are some tips and tricks that can make the upkeep, well better.

• Keep a silver polishing cloth, and polish key pieces every few months. Sometimes even when you wear pieces all of the time, you're going to get them dirty. Luckily, having a cloth around can help keep them shiny and new. You can get them from most jewelry stores and they are usually are free. I even use it to clean my Alex and Ani bracelets, because it helps get rid of the black spots that they sometimes can accumulate. 
• Use clear nail polish to keep costume jewelry from tarnishing. I've only done this once, however, many of my friends tell me that it works. 
• Get a jewelry box that keeps tarnish away. I have had a Lori Greiner jewelry box since I was 12, and they work! It's promised to keep your jewelry tarnish free for up to 40 years. Since I have been using it for so long, then it's perfect for anyone who wants to keep their jewelry pretty. 
• Get a small jewelry box, or dish. My mom recently gave me a glass dish to put my jewelry that I wear daily in. It's so amazing because then it won't get lost and since I wear a good portion of my jewelry on a daily basis, it's an easy reach. You can get them either from Etsy, and QVC, as well as you can make them.
• Make sure that you have a few 'key' pieces that you're going to have forever. Great jewelry can be an investment.  Investing in a few pieces such as pearl earrings or a pretty watch is awesome because they last forever, and you can wear them pretty much regularly. Make sure there's some classic pieces, and not trendy. You'll have them forever, I promise.

2014 in Pictures.

2014 was a great year for my Instagram. Ever since getting my iPhone, I've been taking awesome pictures on the daily. Here's some pictures through out the year that made this year wonderful and awesome.
January: Gabriel and I hung out pretty regularly since they were home for the first part of the month. I also started my second half of my sophomore year in college, which started out with a bang because I went out to dinner to celebrate my good friend Paige's birthday!

Gabriel and I! 

Gabriel making pancakes.

Paige and I! 

February: I hung out with Verenized and we had a mini photoshoot at a nearby park!

Verenized and I. 

Pretty landscape.

 March: Spring break! Demi Lovato! Basketball games with Elisia!
Both of those things happened this month, making March an extremely exciting month! I also hung out with Griffin, who has a really cool phone thing.

Griffin on the phone.

Game selfies! 

Demi! 

Gabriel and I hanging out.

April: Easter time! Maggie had her annual Easter Egg hunt. I also discovered the joys of ceramics!

Little dog and love.

Maggie looking for dog biscuits.

May: School's out for summer! Celebrating the start of the summer with Gabriel's homecoming, a fro yo with Heidi and Marissa, and ice cream with Elisia!

Getting pizza selfie.

Fro yo!

June: Beach days! Graduations! Griffin graduated high school this month, and I spent countless days at the beach with friends.

Beach Day selfie!

Griffin, the graduate! 

July: 20th birthday! I turned 20 surrounded with my closest friends! We went to the beach and to a diner, two of my favorite things. We had red velvet cake, and Starbucks as well! I also attempted to take my license test, and failed. Gabriel came in to the rescue with cookies and long walks!

Selfies! 

The whole gang. 

Cake!

 August: Celebrating the last few weeks of summer, and getting ready for the goodbyes!

 Gabriel and I on swings. 

Elisia and I at the beach.

September: Fall fest with Elisia! The start of junior year was an amazing one!

Elisia and I.

October:  Cellutis had me down for about two weeks, which left me unable to do pretty much anything. However, there were lots of cupcakes to make up for it.

Cupcake.

November: November was full of pumpkin pie, fall foliage, and crafts!

Fall foliage. 

Pie.

December: Gabriel comes home! Christmas! December was a great way to close off the year.
like what you see? Follow me on the Instagram! 

Christmas tree. 

Gabriel and I reunited.