Music Monday-Bright Eyes

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One of my favorite bands throughout my high school career was Bright Eyes. I discovered them when I was a freshman, ironically when I was interested in someone who liked them. Naturally, I began listening to them, and then I just liked them.
Bright Eyes began as a solo music band by folk music star Conor Oberst. Conor is one of the most talented human beings on the planet, in my opinion because he plays multiple instruments, in addition to just being musically gifted. He's been active since the 90s, and has multiple bands including Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band, and Monsters of Folk.
Bright Eyes to date has 10 albums-9 studio and 1 live. The members primarily consist of Oberst, Mike Mogis, and Nate Wolcott. However, the rest of the lineup is made up from musicans on Omaha's music scene. Bright Eyes is considered to be Indie Folk, however there are elements of rock.
One of my favorite albums of all time is actually by them, which is their 2007 release Cassadaga.There's not a song on this album that I really can't say that I don't like.
I picked Bright Eyes as a Music Monday because I've recently gotten back into them, and I feel like everyone in the world should listen to Cassadaga. And the People's Key. And them in general.
Some songs you should check out; 

• Four Winds 
• No One Would Riot For Less
• Clairaudients (Kill or Be Killed) 
• Hot Knives
• Make a Plan to Love Me
• Soul Singer in a Session Band
• Coat Check Dream Song
• Easy/Lucky/Free
• A Perfect Sonnet
• Reinvent the Wheel
• First Day of my Life
• Lua 
• Lover I Don't Have to Love
• Don't Know When But a Day's Gonna Come
• True Blue 
• Firewall
• Shell Games
• Singularity 
• One for You; One for Me
• When the President Talks to God
• Coyote Song

"You Can Be My Baby If You're Black or White.."

Somethings have a black and white kind of answer. Math classes for example are very big on those kinds of answers. However, a good portion of things in life don't have a solid answer that can be defined in one sitting. World peace probably can't be summarized in a single blog entry. Neither can we define love.

The definition of what someone means to someone else can be a black and white kind of thing. Are they your boyfriend? Are they your friend? Those seem like pretty clear cut definitions however sometimes the lines can be blurred. Sometimes friends can have feelings that are deeper than a platonic relationship. Sometimes people who are in a romantic relationship may eventually end up in a platonic one. These lines without a doubt would be blurred no matter which way you look at them. 

Then there's the whole issue aboout love. Yes, love can be a thing of black and white-you either love them or you don't. However, there's a whole entire gray area where there could be so many different things. 'I love you, but..' 

Sometimes, there is an entire section of gray areas in which we begin to doubt whether or not we actually love someone. Maybe we begin to doubt whether or not they may return the feelings for you. Maybe, we love them, but we love someone else too. It's a tricky game, this love thing. It throws you so many punches that you may never know exactly who may drag you down, or who may lift you up.

I think that if you can't jump in heads first then you don't love them. If there is some invisible hook that pulls you back from them, then you should evaluate your relationship with them, and how you feel about them. Love is something that you should know right off of the bat. There shouldn't be much thought put into it, and it is in fact black and white. 

Things I Love Thursday; My New Favorite Necklace

Okay, so for a while I wanted a monogram necklace. I am a huge fan of having jewelry that was made just for me, and only me, thus enter the monogram idea. However I couldn't find one that I liked, and for a good price. (I only wear sterling silver, because I have allergies to anything but it.)
Then one day, I happened to check Bloglovin, and happened to notice that one of my favorite bloggers, Rachel from Sunshine and Sinatra had a giveaway and a sale going on. (Her post is awesome! Read it) Thus, I thought it was a sign from the heavens, and decided that I must have that necklace right then and there. I went home, (because I am a bad person in class by blogging), and ordered it on the spot.
A few days later, it came in. And I was so excited!
. Cardinal gifts was so quick on getting it to me, so I am pleased about that. (I mean come on, who hates it when they order something online and it takes forever for it to get there?) The actual necklace is awesome, and very pretty. I got the tortoise one but I am probably going to go back and get a black one. (I wear black a lot, so I am probably going to get one that has that.)
After a few weeks of wearing it, it has become my favorite piece of jewelry. I like it so much that I'm getting another one soon. I like that it wasn't too expensive, and that it's something that's just mine. If you're looking for a monogram necklace than I highly reccomend you going to get one at Cardinal Gift!

*I was not paid for this post.
**Check out their shop here
***Check out my necklace here

"Turning Page"

When spring comes, all of the animals come out from hiding. That's when the flowers begin to bloom, and all of the dirty snow at last goes away.

In a way, I am at the spring time of my life. I am about to bid my teens goodbye, and become a woman  in her twenties. And, I guess you can say that I am at the high point of my life. I have so much going for me, and I just want to experience life. I don't want to look back on my life and worry that I didn't live it enough. 

One thing that many friends of mine have are boyfriends. I however, don't. In some ways, I want to have the relationship that everyone says that it's the cutest thing, and feel all of the cliche things that Hallmark cards make their millions from. At the same time, that thing fucking scares me. I'm scared because I'm worried that I'll find someone that makes me happy. Then I'll get used to them, and one day they won't be there. As much as I want to be in a relationship, maybe its not my time. Maybe its time for me to eat life, not look at it and wish that the chocolate doughnut would magically fall into my mouth.

So many people often have told me not to do this, and not to do that. Sometimes, when you really think about things then you realize what is right for you.

And what is right for me?

I want to live. I want to go. I want to learn how to stand on my own two feet. I want to meet someone who understands me-my jokes, that sometimes I have walls that I want to be let down, and that I just want a cupcake at the end of the day. I want someone who will stop at nothing to make me laugh, and isn't afraid to look like a moron. I want to meet a smorgasboard of people, to figure out what I like. I want to read a lot of books, and even write a couple. I want to report things, real things, and I want to meet someone who would read my stuff. I want someone to watch chick flicks with me, but then lets me watch educated movies with them. Or whatever their into. 

In honor of spring, I shed my winter layers, and I shed my former ideals. My goal? To get out there, and actually do something with my life instead of wishing that something would happen.  

Things You Should Never Admit While Dating..Or Trying To.

Whenever you want to date someone you want to present the best side of you. You know, the sunny, superconfident side of you that makes you shine and more desireable? You best not tell them those hidden secrets that are like bats hidden in your attic. Then they wouldn't realize that you're perfect and that your worth having.

I'm insecure.  Guys like girls that ooze confidence, yes? Well honestly, I am that girl who doesn't have any. I have some, but honestly I lack it. It's hard for me to say that I like someone, cause I worry. I worry big time about worrying that I look like an idiot. I worry about my wieght, and at times, I have a lot of issues with the way I look. I don't think guys can like girls who do that. 

I can never take chances. One of the things that I worry about is the fact that I have been rejected. Twice. It's hard to dust yourself off when that happens. Therefore, we lock ourselves in this cocoon where you're away from human contact. Or at least me. It's hard for me to adopt that carefree YOLO attitude where I can careless. Cause I do. If I get hurt, it takes a long time for me to get over it. So, rather than worrying it or risking the whole getting hurt thing, I just don't try.

I worry about attachment. I worry that sometimes being happy can lead to attachment. Like, getting used to having someone in my life, and then all of a sudden, they aren't there anymore. I've gotton this way due to the fact that I got my heart so broken that I still see the scars today. I worry about that happening to me again. 

I get lonely sometimes. Sometimes, I feel alone. During that time, I just want someone to give me a hug. It's probably percieved as 'needy' but when that happens I just want someone sweet to talk to about life. 

I drink too much coffee/swear like a sailor/eat too much chocolate. I have at least one cup of coffee everyday, swear like no tomorrow, and eat way too much chocolate. That's just me. 

Overall, those are my general flaws. I worry, eat too much, and have insecurities. Who the hell would love someone like that? I know that if I wanted to put that in an about me at a dating site, then I'm pretty sure that I won't find any matches. However, I can't help but wonder if my flaws are what makes me, well me. I can't change, but maybe, those little quirks are things that I want to hide in my closet, next to my skeltons. However, I think that those things, added up to the good things, make me the completely whole awesome person. 

Help, I'm Addicted to Watching New Girl

Before I begin this entry, I must say that Gabriel you were right in that I would get addicted to Netflix.
Anyways, a few weeks ago I have decided to invest in a Netflix account and stumbled upon this show called New Girl. I've watched it a bit over the summer, and really forgot about it, because it was season two. Since I didn't see season one, I got confused so I stopped caring about it. However, once I saw that Netflix had BOTH seasons and that it was my spring break, I thought what better to do than watch it...

Source
New Girl is about a school teacher named Jess Day, whodiscovers that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so moved out. She moves in with three guys named Schmidt, Nick, and Winston. The show is about their wacky adventures, and the developing friendships between the characters.
After watching pretty much all of season one in a week, I'm hooked. I absolutely love the show. Jess has to be one of my favorite characters of all time, because she's realistic. She's played by the wonderful Zooey Deschanel. She's awkward, quirky, and perhaps crazy. However she owns that, therefore I must admit is pretty awesome. She makes everything into a song, wears super awesome glasses, and in general a super awesome person.

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I also love Schmidt. He's perhaps my second favorite character, because he's super ridiculous yet super funny. The guys often pick on Schmidt because he's beyond ridiculous, a ladies man, and perhaps just a douchebag altogether. But, I think that's what makes him, well him.
If you're looking for a new show to watch, then you should watch New Girl, because it's really funny. And if you need me, I'll be on my iPad. Watching New Girl. I need help. 

"They Say It's Your Birthday!"

I would like to take a moment to say happy birthday to one of my best blogging friends in all of the land. And that is none other than my homegirl, Emma, also known as the girl behind the blog The World According to Emma! She even guest posted for me a few days okay. (You should read this awesome content, even though Blogger is mean.)
Emma and I actually met in real life first. She and I actually go to the same college, and have met through the newfangled way-the internet. Through Twitter, we discovered that we had quite a bit in common. Gilmore Girls, Secret Life, and a bunch of other stuff. Last summer, we were talking about the finale, and she showed me her blog. And then I showed her my blog. Bam. We became bloggy friends. It's that simple, folks. Her blog is a bit more lifestyle than mine, but it's still amazing. I think you should all check her blog out, because it's her birthday and bloggers love it when they get some love. (There's a lot of love in that sentence). But my point is that you should check her out. Cause she's that awesome.
So, today Emma gets a birthday shoutout. Happy 20th birthday Emma! Be grateful that you're not in English class today, and I hope that you have a Gilmore-style birthday. I am so happy to say that you're one of my first college friends, and I'm glad that we both joined that Facebook group. I hope you have a great day filled with Dylan O'Brien, bloggy stuff, and puppies. I'll see you on Monday where we will dread English. (Ugh, I don't want to think about it.) Until then, party it up cause you're no longer a teenager!

(Emma's blog button, since I don't have a picture with her.)
In honor of Emma's birthday, please feel free to check out one of my favorite posts by her (this was hard to pick, but I have to say this reminded me of our friendship) It's a post about Gilmore Girls!

#inspirationmovement-Words Are Like Weapons, They Wound Sometimes

Sometimes, people just suck. To put simply that is. When there’s no explanation for why they do, these people exist simply for the reason to bring you down. They don’t care how they do it, along as the deed is done they simply don’t care. Sometimes, there’s reasons why they do it. Whether it’s that bully on the playground whose taking out their inner angst about their home life on you, or that mean girl who clearly wanted to bring you down because they are jealous or insecure. Bullying exists in many ways, and in many forums. Since the development of the internet, its expanded to even there. Now, those who wish to have an escape to have no way of escaping. It’s everywhere, and it’s something that needs to be stopped.

                Raise your hand if you’ve ever been bullied. How many of you have also felt like that there’s no way out? How many of you dreaded going to school because you were scared of what you were going to face? Bullying is something that is a real issue. Statistics show 42 percent of Americans have been bullied. I think that number should be zero.

I think that bullying is something that really should be illegal. I think that anyone who makes someone feel bad about themselves should consider themselves to be a criminal. It’s something that needs to be stopped. I wish there was a society where there would be none of this going on. I wish that words were something that were exchanged like a token and a gift, not as swords and guns. But this exists.

I dedicate this entry to the people who are being bullied every time that they log into the computer. I dedicate this entry to the person who is struggling to find out who he really is, because they want to please a bunch of bigots. I dedicate this entry to the girl who wants to wear something different, but doesn’t because she feels like she’s going to be ridiculed. For those who feel like you have no one to sit there and listen to your story.

Well, that’s going to change. Sorry mean girls. Sorry everyone who uses the word ‘fag’ and ‘gay’ like its something that means nothing. Cause for all of those people who feel like they don’t have a voice, well now you do. If you need someone to talk to, you can email me. If you need a friend, you can contact me.

And you have a voice I promise. 

Emma's Guest Post!

Hey guys! Meet my friend Emma who I am so proud to have guest post my blog!

Who Are You To Judge?

Something that really bothers me is people who are close minded people. You know, the kind of people that think that their way is the right way, which really bothers me because you know deep down in your gut that it’s not right for you. Although its 2014, there are people in this world that exist just to tell you that you’re not perfect enough for them. Whether it may be an act that you oh so wrongfully committed, or just being different from you. I hate that the world can be so black and white and that these kind of people still exist.

                I have a friend whose parents are ministers, and they are the least judgmental people that you could ever meet. My friend is gay, and they accept it because that’s who my friend is meant to be. In my sophomore year of high school, I was a part of this club that was about being Christian and celebrating their devotion. Honestly, some of the people were the most judgmental people that I have ever met. And that makes me sad, because isn’t the point of being Christian, and being devout to God is in fact to be open minded about several issues?

I’ve, like many of you out there, have done things that I’m sure as hell not proud of. I’m sure that the person that whose saying that because of my actions that I’m going to hell has done the same thing too. Isn’t the point of Christianity is to be all loving even when we do things that we’re going to regret?

                It’s sad that people out there still exist. So, someone doesn’t believe the same things you do? Big deal. This is America, where we have a different melting pot of religions, opinions, and ways of living. Naturally you’re going to meet someone who doesn’t do something exactly like you do. The thing is that just because someone’s different than you, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to judge them. In fact, the only person that rightfully can judge me or anyone for that matter is God.

                What bothers me the most about these kinds of people is that they use their religion as a shield to judge. Just because you’re judgmental, doesn’t mean that you can use your beliefs as an excuse. Just because you don’t think their way of living sucks, doesn’t give you the right to judge them. It doesn’t even matter whether or not you’re a parent or just some dude walking around on the street. You don’t have the right to judge anyone. What makes you better than me? There’s no such thing as a better human. I’m sorry. Well, not really.

                Yes, I’m catholic. Yes, I wear a cross everyday (although it’s not on my neck). I pray and read a passage of the Bible every night, and have a Saint in my room. But, that doesn’t make me any better or any worse than you. We are all human with needs, and I think that it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Being religious is cool, but using it as an excuse to judge people isn’t. 

Hey Mom, I've Been Nominated!

Hey guys, so yes you probably remember me writing a post like this a couple of months ago. However, my bloggy friend Jess nominated me again, so I decided to do yet another post about it. Also, thank you so much Jess for nominating me. I appreciate it very much, and I am so honored. Below are my answers to her questions, in addition to some blogs I shall nominate.

How long have you been blogging and why did you start?

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I've been blogging here for almost two years (I'll be in my terrible twos in April, expect an awesome post about it.) But when I initially first started writing I guess I wanted to write awesome stuff. Writing has been something that I've always enjoyed doing, and eventually will be my meal ticket. Blogging in a way has shown me that.

What is your favorite thing to write about?

My favorite thing to write about is perhaps social issues, relationships, and music. I like to write about things that actually matter to me. My favorite post as of late is a post about finding my soulmate. (You should check it out, right here). I want my blog to be more than a bunch of random things. I want to write actual pieces in addition to blurbs about what's going on in my life.

 

What is your favorite blog?

Okay so I have more than one- Mind Your Madness, Sunshine and Sinatra, A Beautiful Exchange, Life Is But A Stream Of Thoughts, and The World According to Emma.

What is one piece of advice you would share with a brand new blogger?

Write for you, not for someone else. It doesn't matter how many views you get, it matters if you're passionate about what you're writing about. Then the views will follow.

Do you have any blogger inspirations?  (Blogs you'd like to model yourself after or follow in their footsteps)

Blogger inspirations, no. However I do tend to model my blog after Carrie Bradshaw's Sex and the City Column.

What is your favorite memory?

Hmm, this is a hard one. It has to be when my friend Gabriel and I got a pizza one Sunday night, and ate it in a park and just wandered around and talked about life. Gabriel, if you're reading this then hi we should do that again. 

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Italy. I want to visit my best friend who lives there. 

What is your favorite app/website?

Apps: Instagram, Messenger, Etsy, Twitter, Netflix, and Facebook.

Website: Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, Google Drive, Netflix.

If you could be anything, what would it be?

If I could be anything, I would be a journalist...only I would have my bachelor's and masters. And you know a really high paying job. 

What's one life lesson you'd like to share?

One life lesson that I would like to share is don't let people walk all over you.

What are some of your guilty pleasures?

Nicholas Sparks books, and Etsy. 

11 Random Facts About Me! 

1. My favorite shows are New Girl, Sex and the City, Gilmore Girls, and Golden Girls.
2. I wear black leggings at least two times a week.
3. I love writing in purple pen.
4. I use my iPad as a computer. 
5. The only meat that I still eat is chicken. I don't eat read meat or pork. You can say that I don't eat any mammals.
6. I have a Snoopy obsession.
7. Two of my closest friends live at least 1,000 miles from me. We exchange letters, when we remember to send them. 
8. I'd rather be at the beach than anyone else. 
9. Ever since I've started working at my school's library, I've been taking out books nonstop.
10. My favorite color is purple.
11. I have yet to obtain my driver's license. 

Some blogs that I nominate; 

Samantha @ Life Is But A Stream of Thoughts

Harylynn: Mind Your Madness

Emma (sorry girl I nominated you before...) The World According to Emma

My questions; 

1. What has lead you to become a blogger?
2. What's something that you enjoy writing about?
3. What do you enjoy most about blogging?
4. What's your favorite thing to do to relax?
5. Do you have a favorite book?
6. What are your life goals?
7. Who do you look up to?
8. What is your guilty pleasure?
9. Do you have a theme song?
10. Favorite food?
11. Favorite TV show?

Da Rules;

Here are the rules:  

1. Thank the blog that presented you this award and link back to their blog (done!)
2. Answer the questions asked by your nominator, give 11 random facts about yourself. List 11 questions for your nominees. (done!)
3. Nominate several blogs that you feel need the recognition that have fewer than 1000 followers. Contact the blogger to let them know they have been selected by email, commenting on a post, Facebook, etc. (done!)
4. Upload the Liebster Award image to your blog. (done!)

Music Monday-#neonlightstour

Okay, so if you all don't know this, I'm a huge Demi Lovato fan. It's safe to say that I'm a Lovatic. She was once featured as a 'Music Monday' here at Finding My Voice. (Check it out, here!) Anyways, last weekend, I got the opportunity to see her. Live. Needless to say, I jumped at the opportunity to go and see her. And I was so happy that I did. Since it was my first concert that I've ever been to, I was so happy that it was Demi Lovato.
Anyways, I was so impressed by Demi, and the show itself. She had two acts before her, 5th Harmony and Little Mix. I'm not a huge fan of either of those, but I really liked Little Mix. (Pictured below) I thought the choreography that they had was amazing.

Then, after a brief intermission Demi came on. And, to put it simply she was amazing. She began with the song 'Heart Attack', which of course is one of her newer and bigger hits. And, during every song, you can tell that she was really into it. She's so talented, and has such a great voice.

(Demi singing Let It Go from Frozen)
One thing that I really like about Demi Lovato is that she is such a positive influence on everyone. Before she began the song "Warrior", she made a speech about how us Lovatics are 'strong assed mother fuckers'. I have to admit that I have a lot of respect for Demi because not many of us can just go around and say that. Needless to say, when she did that I was like 'you go girl'. I think it's cool that she really doesn't care about what anyone says. That's way so many of us look up to her.
Overall, my first concert experience was amazing and I was so glad that I was able to say that it was Demi Lovato. Demi, you're so awesome and talented. If you get the chance to see her, do it. It was such a great experience, and the show was amazing!

*Get tickets here.
**Demi's Website
***All pictures featured are my own. 

"Let's Be Selfish, Let's Be Happy"

I've heard too many times that when you feel happiness, you're taking the bull by the horns and deciding what's best for you. In essence, you're putting yourself first. Your needs, wants, and desires. And, if someone doesn't like it, then you're shit out of luck. This left me wondering. Is the secret of happiness is in fact to be selfish?
We live in a very me, me, me, society. I want this. I want that. With the rise of online shopping, we can get whatever we want, at whatever hours. No more confinement of store hours, we can get that wonderful bag for a lot less.Even at three o'clock in the morning when you can't sleep. (you shouldn't probably buy stuff then). But whatever happened to being caring and nice? You know all of that good stuff?
I think that the secret of happiness is being able to balance being selfish, and being giving. If you're not happy doing that thing for other people, then you shouldn't be doing that. I think that it's important to give to others, because it makes them happy.
But, I also think there comes a certain point when what you want goes on the back burner. When you realize that you're living a life that is always everyone else's wants, desires, and needs. I think that's important to listen to your friend cry, but to a certain point. Of course, it's important for you to listen to what's wrong. That's in the formula of being a good friend. However, you have limits. For example, if that friend has a crisis every night, or that friend has become a bad influence on you, then you have to take a step back and realize that maybe you should cut them out. So, when she's crying to you and your giant mountain of homework is haunting you, you then remind her that you can listen for a half of an hour, tops. Then you have to do your homework.
Setting boundaries like that is what I think keeps relationships healthy. A healthy relationship is a happy relationship. Cliche, but completely and totally true. My personal favorite example is friends. Friends who don't understand your limits and boundaries and just take from you aren't exactly the best people to have in your life. People that tell you what to do, and drag you around like a puppy on a leash aren't the people that you'd want to have in your life. A friend is supposed to bring you up when you're down, not kick you when you're down. The same goes for boyfriends, and other people in your life. You have to realize that you're a person, not someone's personal punching bag. I think that's a concept that everyone really needs to learn.
At the end of the day, I think it's important to be a combination of the both. Be selfish when you need to be, and give when you can. I think it's important to do what's best to make you happy, despite what others can think. 

What I Am I Doing This Spring Break?

Hey guys, so yesterday marked my first day of spring break. Which is going to consist of endless catching up on my blog, TV shows, and life that's outside of school. Here's some activities that I will be going over my break!

Homework; Okay, so my professors don't understand that spring break is actually a break, not a time to do things. Anyways, over the break I'm going to be spending some time with my lovely textbooks, because in college work never rests.
Catching up on TV shows; You all don't know how many TV shows that I need to catch up on. It's crazy. Thus, I am going to be watching lots of Nashville, actually start the Carrie Diaries, and Scandal. I'm actually considering getting a Hulu plus account for that purpose.
Sleeping; As a college student, getting a chance to sleep in is a must.
Blogging/Writing; Writing is something that I enjoy very much. Using this time to write more awesome blog entries, cause you know that's what you all live for. In addition to my blog, I'll be working on some fiction, lryics, and perhaps a novel! Oh my!
Reading; Working at a library has caused me to have many books to want to have that I should probably read some of them.
Hanging out with Friends: Gabriel comes home this week, so I look forward to spending a lot of time with him. In addition to that, I will be spending time with other friends.

So, that pretty much sums up my spring break. Exciting I know. What are you doing for Spring Break, if you didn't already have it?

Fictional Friday; The River

Hey there guys. So, I wanted to share with you some fiction that I wrote. I actually had to write it for a poetry class, believe it or not. However, I am so excited to be writing some short stories, thus creating a new feature on Finding My Voice called 'Fictional Friday'. Nonetheless, all of the story is completely fiction. If there are any representations of any actual characters, then it's completely coincidental. So, sit back, relax, and enjoy the story.

Here we were again. Near a peaceful river, where there was nothing but old memories, and new discoveries. Where I sat on a gray boulder with him by my side, so close that I could hear his breathing. It was so quiet, so peaceful, and I could see the reflection of the water mirroring up back at us. This was our place, that one place of peace that we can go to whenever we just needed a break from the world. Greenery was surrounding us. I felt like it was in some twisted real life fairy tale.

Daniel looked down at me, and he smiled. I remember when I first fell in love with that smile. He was handsome, kind of like the stereotypical Prince Charming. He had floppy auburn hair, the kind that just seemed to naturally fall just right. It was in a high school crowded cafeteria, where there was loud noise, a couple making out a table over from us, and obnoxious freshmen that thought that they knew everything when they clearly didn't. He sat next to me, and we became friends.

The last time we were here, the lines between friendship and relationship have been blurred. It was two years ago, when we were fresh out of high school. We went to prom together, and all signs pointed that we were headed towards coupleville. But, when I started college things changed.

Now, things were different. We knew that we were meant to be friends. We knew that it would only be fair, to my boyfriend to be friendzoned. In some way, we did that to each other. But still, there was some kind of strong feeling deep down in the lining of it.

"Remember when we went here a few years ago?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence.

He nodded. "Yeah." He seemed like he was depressed about it, an underlying tone of regret that was underneath it all.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

He nodded.

"What?" I challenged.

"I regret not kissing you here two years ago", he muttered. I was reminded of Charlie Brown who was too shy to even approach the little red haired girl. He sounded reluctant to admit it, like he knew it was wrong.

"Why don't you now?" I asked. I knew that this was wrong, but I really didn't care. I had Andrew's feelings to consider. Well, I should consider them anyways. All I could think about was the hunger that I felt for Daniel's lips that were gently brushing against mine. I shouldn't be thinking about it, because I had made my decision and we were now just friends. This wasn't in the relationship bible. This was in the relationship commandments. Thou shall not kiss people that were not your partner.

"What about your boyfriend?" he asked.

"I think that you're going to become my boyfriend. That is, if you decide to kiss me right this very second." I smiled and attempted to gaze at him flirtatiously. I failed.

He kissed me, and it was wonderful. It felt like something was charging between the two of us, like I was positive and he was negative. Together we were perfect, however, I still thought about Andrew. His face when I would tell him its over.

However, I didn't think about that now. I thought about how good it was to kiss him in this very moment. How his lips felt like pillows when they rubbed against mine. I wondered if he was wearing Chapstick.

He pulled away. "So....?" he asked.

I swallowed hard. I knew what I had to do, despite the fact that it was going to break Andrew's heart. "I have a call to make when I get home."

The rest of the day was filled with us making out near that rock. When I finally stumbled in my house, I saw Andrew on my porch. With a bouqet of freshly picked daisies. A rock formed at the pit of my stomach.

He kissed my cheek. "How was your walk?"

"It was okay."

"Is something wrong?"

I stared at him, in the eyes. I knew that I couldn't lie to him. He reminded me of a puppy. He's intentions were innocent, and he was loyal. Never would Andrew dream of kissing another girl.

I gotta tell him. "Andrew I kissed another guy."

He looked like I told him that the world was ending. I could see tears fill up in the brim of his light blue eyes, and he trying to be brave and making sure he stood strong.

"Daniel?"

"Yes."

He turned away.

"I'm sorry." There was nothing else to say, despite the fact that I actually wasn't. My actions weren't something that I was proud of, however I didn't feel one ounce of sorrow for them. I guess I was the most selfish person in the world, not caring about others' feelings. I must be driving a knife into his heart, and now I couldn't even feel sorry for the blood he was shedding on my account.

"It's over", he said, voice breaking. He turned to leave. I didn't stop him. I watched him drive away in the car that once made us, well us. I didn't cry. All I wanted was Daniel.

I decided to wait a week before calling him. I wanted to show Andrew some degree of respect before flaunting my relationship with Daniel. When I finally did, the phone didn't ring.

"Hey", he said. He sounded like he was waiting for my call.

"You gotta moment?"

"All of the time in the world."

"Come over then."

In five minutes, he was at my porch.

"So we broke up."

He took it as an invitation to kiss me.

I pulled away. "Wait."

"What?" he asked. "I can kiss you now."

"Says who?" I asked biting my lip.

"Says your boyfriend", he said.

"You have to ask me that", I said.

"Okay", he asked. He got down on one knee, and grabbed my hand. His palms were drenched with sweat.

"Lauren. You've been my best friend since sophomore year. However, I want you to be more than that. Will you be my girlfriend?"

I nodded. I knew this was right, depsite the fact of the lack of sorrow that I felt when Andrew on this same porch said we were done. Some things come natural despite that we may not want them to. And therefore, we must not feel sorry for them. Instead, we must embrace the natural things and how like rivers,someting things just flow together.

Like they are supposed to be.

Society and the Single Girl-"You've Got Mail"

Whenever I think of online dating, I think of the movie You've Got Mail. You know the one where Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks fall forever in love, via computer screen. It's something so romantic, yet so naive. Someone can actually use their computer for more than just buying too many shoes. You can use it to meet people! OMG. Wait, that's what the entire blogging community is made out of. Virtual connections. I actually met my real life friend Emma on the internet. (We go to the same college). But can the same thing work for dating?
Shows like Catfish give me the creeps because they open your eyes and make you realize that the person that you're talking to behind the screen gasp, may not be who they said that they are. Then there's the whole aspect of people who are online date are just creepy predators who are just looking for their hormonal fix. And that just scares me. I have trust issues as it is, guys. Why would I be able to trust someone who I met on the internet? I tried to trust someone who my friend gave me their number to, and all that did was get me a creep stalker. (Single girl problems at their finest) So, the internet is no different right?
But here's the thing, I am kind of curious about the whole thing. Maybe I could meet my soulmate on the internet. (You all remember my post about soulmates, right?) Maybe I could meet someone awesome.
I've read Rachel's from Sunshine and Sinatra adventures about her online dating. I mean they are pretty crazy. But still I am curious about this Tinder. I've never tried it, and I'm actually not interested in looking for someone to settle down and put a ring on it. I'm an awkward wallflower so maybe this might be a good idea. I'm not even out of my teens yet, so that's kind of off the table. Maybe it could be fun. Maybe it could be something worth trying out, or a complete and total disaster. What do you all think?

TGBL-"Respect Yourself".

So excited to be linking up again with Hayley and Lauren in their weekly linkup "The Girl Between the Lines"! This week's topic is talk about a lesson in life that you wish you've learned earlier in life. My lesson is to respect you. Read on to figure out why I picked this. 

Okay, so picture a little overweight awkward high school freshman surrounded by skinny beautiful girls whose bible was the Clique novels. She wears glasses, and was obsessed with the picnik website.She wanted friends, a boyfriend, and just to be popular. She loved music, singing and was considered an outcast.
Ladies and gentlemen, that girl was me.
Now, fast forward (can you believe six years) to 2014. That same little girl lost her baby fat, gained some friends, and honestly doesn't give a crap. She's not popular, but she has a lot of friends. She's a single lady because she doesn't want to date someone that's just there for no apparent reason. She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner.
What happened to cause that change?
Well, let's talk about it. Between that time period, I got a couple of boyfriends, most of them lasted less than a week. I went through a terrible breakup and learned the hard way that no matter how much you wish that you want something then maybe it doesn't happen. I lost my self esteem, had depression, lost a ton of weight in a way that I wish I didn't, grieved the loss of my grandfather, and went through a lot of other stuff. During that time, friends came and went, styles came and went.
One thing that I wished that I learned while going through all of that was that you need to respect yourself and your needs. You're the one that has to deal with all of that. You're the one that doesn't need the people that bring you down. You don't have to apologize for being different, although high school doesn't exactly make it easy to stand out. I wish I learned that I didn't need the boy who told me that I wasn't good enough because then maybe I wouldn't have dealt with my body issues and handled them the way that I did. I wish that I didn't have to deal with that, however that made me a stronger person.
If I knew that then maybe I wouldn't  have dealt with that. However, there's something about learning lessons the hardway. It makes you a stronger person, and you know that whatever happiness that comes your way is something you fought hard for and deserve it. 

Me, the Future Mom.

It's hard to imagine, at my age being married. It's even harder to imagine myself with children, and as a mother. It seems like a long way off, but as I go onto my Facebook and see people who I knew when I was little with kids of their own I think of one thing. We're getting old.
Every now and then, I do then wonder what I would be like as a parent. What would I allow my kids to do? What would be right for them, and what would be wrong?
While at work one day, I did realize one thing that I wanted my kids to have. That my friends, is books. Lots and lots of them. Growing up, my mother never said no to books. Neither did my grandmother. So, because of that I have a lot of books. I believe that because of the amount of books I've read, the more information that I was able to contain, and the more my imagination as a child grew. As an adult, I am still an avid reader when I have time. I read at least one book a week. (In case you all cared, and I know that you do, I am currently reader the Shopaholic series. It's amazing, and I recommend it if you guys want a quick and easy read) Reading things for class is honestly no issue, because I am able to do it efficiently, and with little to no problems.
I think that reading should start as early is possible. Granted, I am not going to read to my kid in my stomach while I am pregnant. But, I promise to read to them as soon as they are old enough to know what I am doing. I promise to follow in my mother's footsteps and never refuse books when my children ask for them. I want them to enjoy books just as much as I did. If they don't, then that's perfectly fine as well. At the end of the day, I want my children to be happy about reading. I don't want them to feel like it's a chore of some sort. I think that way, they come to enjoy it more.
As an English major, I say that books were a huge part of my journey to tell a story. I hope one day to line the shelves with my own books next to the ones I currently aspire to be.

#inspirationmovement

I think that something that is important to anyone is that they should know that their loved, and that they are important. Positive thinking is something that I think should be a huge part of this blog, and I'm proud to introduce you to my newest, and perhaps my greatest feature. Ladies and gentleman, let's join the inspiration movement.
Now, what is the inspiration movement? Good question! This movement is a positive part of my blog that focuses on thinking positive. My goal of this feature is to inspire others. To make those who are having a bad day to realize that it's not a bad life, it's just a bad day. To those who feel like they aren't loved, to make them feel loved. I've been through a lot in my life, and it's my turn to help others who struggle, and need someone.
I feel like there's not enough positive things in my life, in addition to the world in general. Let there be inner strength. Let there be inspiration. Let there be creativity. Let there be the end to negative thoughts, and let there be hope that we all can be happy.
Feel free to join the movement! My goal is to put a post with picture of an encouraging quotes that I see on Pinterest, or to talk about self love.
Here's some pictures to help cure you all of the Mondays!


These posts are from my pinterest board!

"Shake It, Break It; Unknown to Fate"

It's safe to say that everything in life is a result of fate. Who we're friends with, what we decide to do as  a living, and who we are romantically involved with. It's all up to some sort of decision or other event that has happened to us.

How many of you every wondered what would have happened if something did or didn't happen? Like if you didn't go to that certain event, then you would not have met that cute guy that is so called the love of your life. I wonder if I had chosen different paths in life I would be doing different things, and perhaps on a different one. Are we all in the mercy of fate's hands?

I think that we are. We all in some ways victims of fate. If I didn't decide to join the paper, then I never would have realized that I want to be a journalist. If I didn't switch my major twice, then I wouldn't have met the awesome people that I did. If I didn't switch my math class, I would not have met someone so great. I guess fate as a way of playing its way out when we least expect it. We're all victims of fate because it knows what we're doing even when we don't.
Fate is confusing to the naked eye. It's confusing to me, and I have four of them. Sometimes, we think that life is journey that is predestined, and picked out for us the second that we left the womb. It's crazy to think that someone has the answers, even though you don't. It's comforting in some ways, because then you know after all of this angst and depression, everything will be okay in the end. 

21 is the Loniliest Number

21 is the age to be. Once you're 21, its something that reminds us that we are basically adults. You can get liquor in the US, and basically do all of the other rights that are promised to us at age 18. So many of my peers are looking forward to this age. I am too, because hey why not be able to get booze? However, with this great freedom comes some sort of responsibility. Or at least, being careful and not doing anything completely and utterly stupid like drinking more than you can handle and all of that stuff.

In my opinion, I feel like this birthday is some sort of liberation of becoming an adult and being free. Becoming an adult with more freedoms, and therefore trusted with the ability to drink legally. Now that our bodies have matured enough, we are able to handle the great responsibilities of becoming an adult. However, with that being said I think that there's more to it than that. Is it the freedom to do whatever we want to be so appealing?
Some may say that turning 21 is part of the party culture. Only now, you can get as much beer, wine, and other drinks as you want. Being 21 is that right of passage. Some people think that becoming 21 is that excuse to party even harder. Some underage peeps even try to hit up those who are this golden age just to get their underage hands on some wine. It's a long 21 years til you reach the world of being legal.

I will be turning 21 next year. I have no plans of going out and getting drunk. However, I do plan to have my first alcoholic beverage, and some wine. I don't plan on getting wasted, but I do want to celebrate the fact that I am now able to drink these things, and purchase them legally. Yay to being of age. One thing that I don't like to see is people judging people who think that having wine, and having a lot of its a bad thing. If you want to go crazy on your 21st, that's your business. It's a big birthday, yes. Hence the wine, and champagne. However, I want to remember it, and not wake up and wonder what the hell happened the night before.  Therefore, it's a celebration. Not a chance to get passed out drunk. 

The Art of Not Caring.

My name is Natalie, and I''m done caring about what people care about me. Why? Because then I felt like I would be molded into being someone else's version of me. 

I'm in the process of eliminating things in my life that makes me feel upset or uneasy. Why? Because I deserve to be happy. I'm at a stage in my life where I deserve peace, love, and happiness. I don't deserve to have people weigh me down in a way that's somewhat unhealthy. I wonder if the art of being happy is in fact having a big ego, and two middle fingers waved up high in the air. 

So, how do you not care? It's plain and simple. Lemme introduce you to some tips on how to in fact master the art of not caring; 

• Do things that make you happy. If you want to become a writer over a doctor, than do that. If you have people that impact you negatively, then perhaps it's time to say good riddance to them.
• Get rid of people in your life that don't treat you right. You deserve people that treat you fairly, and should have your best interest at heart and vice versa. If someone makes you feel like you don't matter, than they are stupid. If you feel like you're being forced to comply with someone who in essence brings you down, it's time to say goodbye.
• Laugh off all of the things that are negative about you. I'm a bitch? Okay cool. I just learned how not to take people's crap. I'm fat? No, I'm healthy. Call me when you're done trying to shove celery sticks down your throat? I'm opinionated? Yes, that's why I blog. If I didn't have an opinion than I would still be learning about why Freud did something.
• YOLO. Yes, it's making a comeback. You only live once, so live in this moment. Do things that you know the opportunity will never come again. Live life, and enjoy it. 

In essence, life's really to care about what others say about you. So, 'nevermind what the haters say, ignore them til they fade away'. 

Top Three Fav Cartoon Characters!

I'm a little kid at heart, but I think that everyone has a favorite cartoon character that makes them really happy. No matter what age you are, when you see them you're like a little kid and it just makes you happy. Even in our adult days, we can't resist. I have three, because I am just cool like that. Hence the whole post dedicated to my favorite characters.

Snoopy; Okay, so for all of you who don't know Snoopy is my favorite character ever, and I have an obsession with him. You gotta accept these things, and I do greatly. I honestly can't resist when he's on television, because Christmas, Easter, and Halloween isn't the same unless you catch up with the gang for the hundredth time. Whether it's Snoopy coming out from the pumpkin patch, or cooking Thanksgiving dinner with the classic toast, jelly beans, and pretzels, it just is something that adds overall holiday cheer to every single holiday.

Lucy Van Pelt; Yo, this is the crabby little girl. But, behind her crabby outer features there's more to her. Yes, she steals footballs. But, she's not afraid to tell you like it is. And she's really sensitive. There's more to her than being the bully, and we see that later on the comic strip. Out of all of the children on Charlie Brown, she will always be my favorite.

Minnie Mouse; The only Disney character I like is Minnie Mouse. She's been popular since the 1950s, and she's Mickey's awesome sidekick, slash girlfriend. But, she's just like a little black dress-classic. Even though she's a bit more popular than Snoopy, she's just awesome with or without Mickey. She's known to rock any kind of dress that she wants, and is kind of like Barbie. All and all, Minnie Mouse is just awesome.

Whose your favorite cartoon character? Comment below!

Sources for images are from Google images.