Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Relationship Transferrance.

There's some relationships that just affect us, and our way of being. Whether it's something that has happened to us months or even years ago, it's something that we bring into our present day selves. Even if the person who caused us all of the pain is no longer present in your life.
It's safe to say that some people leave scars in our hearts. I myself am victim of this way of thinking. Unfortunately, by playing the victim of all of this only means one thing. That to this day, we are letting them win.
Often, I worry about the same things that happened to me in my past will happen again. I think that's a part of human nature. However, we have to be realistic. The person that you are now involved with may or may not hurt you. There's no way to tell whether or not that's going to happen. But, even though that they may make you feel the same way as the person who hurt you before them did, they are not that same person. That my friends is known as relationship transference.
Relationship transference is when you transfer your feelings from the person that hurt you, and then project them to a new relationship that has nothing to do with that other person. It puts a wall on your heart, no matter how broken it once was. It makes you feel like you're going to get hurt again and fall into that perpetual pattern. But, honestly the likelihood of someone hurting you again in that same way is slim. I often am a person who does this, by letting something that happened in my past relationship define who I am currently.
And that my friends is letting the person who hurt you win, and control you.
Do we want that? No.
So, raise your hand if you have been hurt. I'm sorry to those who have been hurt by someone who once claimed that they loved you. But, now look it's over. You've survived the pain, and you got through it probably being stronger than you did coming in. You learned something that you'll take with you to your next relationship. Now, let it all go. Let go feeling scared of what you're going to face with this new person. Let go all of the pain, because we can never avoid feeling pain. If we do, we continue to hurt and to shut ourselves off from ever achieving perfect happiness. You're letting the person control you, and that's something that you really don't want to, now do you? You all deserve complete and total bliss, whether you don't think you do. You don't deserve as Lea would sing "suffering, pain, and the falling rain." So stop transferring. I know it's hard, but you can do it. That someone who is in front of you isn't the person incognito who is out there to hurt you. Remember that, and you'll golden.

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