Resolutions

2012 has bought a lot of things, both good and bad for me. The good of course being that I graduated high school and have started college, yay. The bad being that I've lost friendships that I really wished that I haven't lost, friends that were very near and dear to me. But the most important thing of the year is that I learned that I can take anything that is thrown in my way. I'm no longer afraid to walk in the face of the fire of fear, in fact I welcome it.
However, I have some goals and things that I would like to accomplish during this upcoming year. My resolutions range from improving myself, for the recent future, and the not so recent future. My new year's resolutions include the following:

1. Eat less chocolate. I've been seriously turning into a chocolate addict, and it's really bad. Not only for me, but for my body. I try to treat my body like a temple, sacred, and I want to treasure what I'm given. I don't want to wiegh my body down with things that are not good for me. Not going to lie, I'm still going to eat cookies and cupcakes..just not so much.
2. Try to do better in school. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never going to be Albert Einsteen and have a 4.0. With that being said, I should try my very best to reach perfection. I did really well for my first semester, now I want to try even harder, and do even better..except for math. That I make no promises. 
3. To meet more people. I have a hard time getting out there and meeting new people. I want to join more clubs, and perhaps make more friends, which is always a good thing. 
4. To write something, and actually finish it. I'm going to be a novelist..I kinda should finish something that I've written, ficitonwise. My goal is to write and complete a novel during the year 2013..even if it sucks..then I'll always be able to edit and make it better. 
5. The strength accept the things I can not change, to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Happy New Year everyone!

What I Hate About Facebook.

I'm not a huge fan of Facebook anymore. for many reasons. First of all, the timeline thing is stupid. Plus, I don't want my friends to see all of the stupid things that I've posted back when I was an angst teenager. Hell, I'm still angst, but I think I'm a little more refined. I hope I am. Second of all, I hate it when people use it as a place to vent. Yes, I understand that you're upset with whatever's bothering you. However, there is a limit to what should be posted online. The thing that I hate most is that people write sad statuses, just to get some kind of attention. Newsflash: If you're upset, text someone or get a therapist. Don't broadcast it to the entire world. Third of all, I hate LMS. I don't honestly get the point of that. Is that to show how many friends you have? Because if Facebook's a popularity contest, then I'm clearly losing. And lastly, mirror pics. I think thanks to Facebook I've seen nearly all of the girls I know bathrooms. And the duck face! OMG seriously it's not attractive. Alright? Bye.
Anyways, those are my qualms about Facebook. This has been written as a comedy piece, and not to offend anyone.

Happy Holidays!

I would like to take a moment to wish each and every one of you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah or Kwanza! (or whatever you celebrate) Hope you have a great holiday, and enjoy all of the time that you share with your family friends and loved ones, with whatever traditions you may share.
Merry Christmas, Internet!

2012: The Playlist.

2012 was an amazing year of music. Britain has taken over the charts, and artists that haven't come up with new music in nearly a decade at last came together. So, I've compiled a playlist of my favorite songs from the year 2012. Let's go kids.

• Gotta be you- One Direction. I'm not a huge fan of One Direction, but for some odd reason, I really like this song. It's very ballad, which I thoroughly enjoy. However, this is the ONLY song I actually listen to obessively...for the record.
• Call Me Maybe; Tiny Little Bows; Good Time (featuring Owl City) by Carly Rae Jepson. I will admit, these songs are my musical guilty pleasures. She's really talented, and of course, I think Call Me Maybe is the anthem of 2012. She's just awesome. Don't hate. 
• Looking Hot; One More Summer; Push and Shove; Settle Down by No Doubt. I was so excited when their new album came out, after nearly ten years of breaking up, and let me just say this it was amazing. These songs are a few of my favorites from Push and Shove, and are very, very amazing. Ps: they were amazing in their GMA Summer Concert Series Performance.
• Girl Gone Wild; I Don't Give A..., Give Me All Your Lovin' (featuring Nicki Minaj & MIA); Gang Bang; I'm Addicted; Turn Up The Radio by Madonna. I'm a huge Madonna fan. Needless to say, I love MDNA, despite it's bad critical reviews. I'm not a huge fan of pop music, but I can honestly say that Madonna is one of the best artists out there.You go, Madonna!
• Girl on Fire (featuring Nicki Minaj) by Alicia Keys. I loved this song ever since I heard it on MTV. Alicia's just talented. That's all. 
• Country Girl (shake it for me); Drunk on You; Kiss Tomorrow Goodbye by Luke Bryan. Okay, EVERY song in Tailgates and Tanlines is amazing. These however are a few of my favorites from him. Luke's amazing. And cute. That's all. Plus, I also got to see him perform on Good Morning America in the summer and that made me happy.
• Blown Away; Good Girl; Two Black Cadillacs by Carrie Underwood. Blown Away was amazing. I really think it shows off how talented Carrie is. The message from Good Girl is amazing, that no girl should have to stick with a guy that makes her unhappy nor is not good enough for her.
• Chasing the Sun; Glad you Came by the Wanted. Catchy. 
• The Only Way I Know (featuring Luke Bryan & Eric Church) & Take a Ride by Jason Aledean. I really got into country music this year. The Only Way I Know is one of my favorite songs of the year, because a; it has Luke Bryan, and b: it's a good song. 
• Anything Could Happen; Don't Say A Word; Lights by Ellie Goulding. I love her. Her songs are very original, which I look for in an artist. Anything Could Happen is literally my theme song. 
• Everybody Talks by Neon Trees. It started with a whisper....
• Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye. The video...? Wierd. However, I love this song A LOT. They need to play it on the radio more. Even though it was over played..yeah whatever..it's still good.
• Skyfall by Adele. I'm not the world's biggest Adele fan, but I really like this song. And the movie. But the song's pretty good too. 
• The A Team by Ed Sheeran. OKAY WHY DOES ENGLAND HAVE SO MANY AMAZING ARTISTS??? I love this guy. Literally, he's so talented, and it's such good music. How could you not love him? 
• Your Body by Christina Aguilera. I'm one of the biggest Xtina fans ever. Lotus is one of her best albums ever. She has talent, kids, and I really need to get her CD. 
• The entire Nashville soundtrack. This show? Amazing. These songs? Even more so. I literally have all of their songs. They are just so good!
• Give Your Heart A Break by Demi Lovato. Demi's so talented, in addition to inspirational. Her songs are not only really good, they are very inspiring. Unbroken really shows her getting away from her Disney image with really raw and personal tracks. You go, Demi!

So those are my picks for 2012. As you can tell, I have a lot of music. But one can truly never have enough music, and I can't wait to watch my music libary grow bigger as the new year comes in. 

Feeling..

I often have been feeling miserable lately, kinda like Snooki and Gionni when she was in Italy and miserable all of the time. I mean, I'm not dating anyone, but still, I feel like that.
I've been really upset and miserable about a lot lately. I've been feeling upset about the stupidest things ever, and it's like I know that I shouldn't feel upset, but I do. I've been feeling lonely, and confused and walking around hurt.
I mean, there's so much that I should be grateful for. I should be grateful for my health, my house, and of course my awesome family and friends. But sometimes, health and happy friends are not enough. I've been feeling like I'm all alone, and I hate this feeling. I hate going from having everything, to having nothing. I hate losing my best friend, just simply due to the fact of idiocy.
So, yeah. That's my life. I'm just in one of those moods when I feel like I have no one...
Yeah.
Whatever.

Dear Santa.

Dear Santa,
It's a week before Christmas, and I'm sure that you're extremely busy fulfilling the wishes of boys and girls all over the world. However, with that being said, I ask you for something.
Santa, less then a week ago, 27 lives were tragically taken from this earth. Twenty seven lives were taken too soon from this earth too soon. In July, more lives were taken from this earth in Colorado. Both of these lives were taken due to someone with a gun in their hands. Someone who obviously had problems of some sort, and failed to get help.
Santa, I ask you to find a solution to the violence. I ask you to take away some of the pain of those affected by these crimes, especially since they lost a child at such a young age. These parents shouldn't have to be planning funerals. They should be planning Christmas morning. They should be planning birthdays and their futures. They shouldn't have to be saying goodbye. Each of those kids had a bright future and now it's no more. They will never fall in love, they will never get married, graduate, have kids of their own, and have careers.
I also ask you to open the eyes of everyone. The only way to black out hate Santa, is to purify it with love. I ask for peace on Earth, before children are too scared. Children should be innocent, and free. They shouldn't have to worry about these types of things. The worrying is for the adults.
Santa, make this world, at last, be peaceful.
Love,
Natalie

Never Forget

Yesterday, in a town about forty five minutes away from where I live, 28 lives have been lost, 20 of them being children. And it just breaks my heart. There's twenty children that won't get to see their high school graduations. There's twenty children who won't get their first kiss, their wedding days, and to enligten the world with their dreams. There are forty parents who are in mourning. Twenty families who will truly never be the same. I offer my deepest sympathies to them, as well as the families of the seven adults who have been killed. My thoughts and prayers are with each and every one of you, Newtown.
In addition to the lives he stole, he also stole something else from the survivors. He stole their innocence. Once a child's innocence is stolen, you can never get it back. He stole their sense of security. I will pray for them as well, because although they were lucky to survive, they've seen things that a child should not see. They learned at an early age, that the world isn't all warm and fuzzy, and that there are evil people in this world.
My question is why? Why would someone take the life of the child, who has not done anything possible to deserve being treated like that?
I will never forget 12.14.12. To those with a twitter account, there is a two minute moment of twitter slience, and I strongly think that every person in this world should participate, to respect those children lost. Twenty lives were stolen yesterday, due to an act of useless violance.
Never forget those children. Never forget their families. Never forget their teachers who have died saving their children.

Dreams.

I've written exactly 100 entries in this here blog. Yay! I wanted to write about my dreams, mainly because I have a lot of them and I felt like sharing them with you all, my readers who I hope that are able to read 100 more insanely stupid entries that I've poured my heart and soul into.
I have many hopes and dreams, hopefully all that will get completed in my lifetime. I dream to write lots and lots of books, stories, blog entries, and poetry. I want to write enough that eventually people will study in school. I want to walk into the shoes of Louisa May Alcott, JK Rowling, and Jane Austen, and write not books, but classics. I hope to graduate with a BA in English (creative writing), and perhaps go for my master's.
I dream of getting married and having a family. I plan to adopt children, because I want to give kids who don't have a home of their own, and now where to go, and give them a happy and supportive environment for them to grow, with lots of books, love and cookies. (every child needs a cookie.)
I want to retire and I want to travel. I dream of hitting Italy. I want to learn Latin, and read a lot of the great books that are out there. I want to have great conversations about literature, politics, and pretty much anything with my spouse and or significant other.
But there's other dreams I have, however they may not be the dreams that will affect me directly. I dream of no being two or four legged being shot by a gun. I dream of conflict being solved by debate, not be a gun fight. I dream of being able to watch two men or two women being able to get married legally in every part of the nation, no the world. I dream of every animal having a home that keeps them warm at night. I dream of education becoming more available to everyone, making people be able to chose the school of their dreams based on programs that are offered not just whether or not they can be afforded. I dream of a better tomorrow that will be available for my adopted children. I dream of peace. I dream of a world that is filled with happiness.
All and all, I just dream for a better tomorrow.

Modern Love?

For some odd reason, I've been into the whole Catfish TV show. (Other than the fact that the host is gorgeous, just saying) I mean I find it interesting how people can meet online, and fall in love without actually meeting each other. Nowadays, it's becoming more and more the norm to find a partner online, whether by Facebook, or by some sort of dating website, (Christian Mingle, anyone?)
To be honest, I don't like the online dating components. I mean, it's becoming more and more common, and I guess I should be cool with it. But I think it takes away from the romance aspect of falling in love. I rather have a face to face conversation, rather than a Facebook conversation. I prefer phone calls and text messages over Skype and IMs. To be honest, I don't even care to use Facebook, unless you're a friend who I don't normally get to talk to, I tend not to use it. I don't know why, it doesn't seem very personal. I feel like in a sense, technology has taken over our lives, and I'm guilty of this as well.
 Another ascpect of this, perhaps the more sketchier part of this, is that you're falling in love with an illusion that is not an actual person. It could be, but sometimes, the person that you've fallen in love with may not be who you think that they are. I guess it happens when you actually know the person in real life, for example, Who is Clark Rockafeller. But it's much worse when you don't know the person, and you're trusting that someone who you've never met, may exist. They may, or they may not. For all you know they could be an alien.
I don't get this modern kind of love. Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather meet you and then fall in love with you.

Party?

I'm finishing up my first semester at college, and there's something that's truly confusing me. And that is the importance of partying and drinking. I mean, I understand it's okay to get wild when your parents are around, but sometimes, too much of anything, especially something like this can be a bad thing.
Let's get this straight: I'm a commuter at my school. I go to classes, a club meeting, and go home. I basically hang out with the same people as I did when I was in high school. I've made some friends, mostly commuters like myself, and they are pretty chill people, if I do say so myself. However, I see and hear people, mostly ones that live in dorms, who seem to think college is a party.
Newsflash people it's not.
Honestly, I hate it when people put drugs/alchol/partying before school. First of all, we're here to learn. We're not here to party. And the worst part of it all is that I feel like their parents are paying for them to go here, just so that they can party. Now for nothing, college is expensive, of course state universities like the one I go to cost less then a private one. I understand that you can not soley work, but also you can not get wasted every night. Just think about it. There are some countries who don't have the option to go to school, and follow their dreams. We are lucky to get that opportunity, to be able to make something of ourselves. But, instead of relishing of the opportunity, and trying our absolute best, I feel like some of my peers abuse their freedom, and treat every night like a party. This affects your performance academically, in addition to your future. I mean, your friends have cameras, right? And Facebook. Now more and more of our generation is more technology advanced, meaning that future employes can use the internet to see what you were up to. And a picture of you holding a red solo cup with your sority/fraturnity? Yeah, umm not good.
In my first semester, I learned two things. One, college is an adjustment. It still sucks, but I think it will get better. And two, it's what you make of it. Make your college years, your best years.

My Worst Trait

A lot of people tend to think a lot about what's the best things about them, at least when it comes to their personality. For example, the best part of my personality is that I'm very friendly. (At least that's what I've heard)
However, there is something that I wish to change about me. In fact, there's a lot I'd like to change, but sometimes, you gotta leave certain things alone because those things are the things that make you, well you. However, sometimes, an old habit tends to die hard.
My worst trait is that I'm always self conscience and very insecure, with myself, with my friends, and basically in general. I often worry that I'm going to be made fun of for eating a lot of food when eating in public, and I often worry that my friends are going to get annoyed with me because sometimes, I'm in a bad mood, or sometimes, I want to discuss my own problems, instead of hearing them complain about how they are failing at something without trying, and wanting certain things to come easily to them, or something trivial like that. (I'm not getting into that whole whose problems are bigger then the others argument. We all have problems and sometimes, there isn't a solution for them. Sometimes, you do need someone to talk to, and I get that.) I often worry that I'm going to annoy everyone with my problems, and that all of my friends secretly hate me.I often read too much into things..something  that I shouldn't really do, because it only makes me depressed.
The first step in getting over this strange phobia is to perhaps look at the cause of the problem; like how did the person get to be that way. I got that way, because I used to hang out with people that probably weren't the right crowd for me. I had an annoyingly downer of an ex, who I constantly sought when we were dating for attention and stuff like that. Most of all, the pressure to be perfect sometimes is a weight that has grown, especially since I've started college.
I realize that no one is perfect. I am not a perfect human being. I can't throw or catch a ball, I have a close relationship with the ground (I can't take all of the credit for that one, my friend thought of that one). I suck at math. However, there are some good things that are good about me. Like my amazing writing ability. And the fact that I've played an instrument somewhat decently for nine years. I've made a lot of friends, and I have people that love me and care about me.
My insecurities are something that will not easily go away, but my new year's resolution for 2013 is to work on it. It's something that I feel is more important than starting a diet or something like that, because I know this is a probelm that can be solved in little steps. The first step is looking at the causes, and realizing that these things can be overcoming. The next? I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's to realize that there is no perfect being? As Demi Lovato says "You're perfectly imperfect, and I wouldn't change a thing".
To be contuied.

If.

If I did this, what would happen?
If I did that, would would you say?
If I ran for president, would I change the world?
If I said I love you, would you run away?

If I took a chance, would I be smart or dumb?
If I spoke up for those without a voice, would they at last be heard?
If I fell in love, would I become an idiot?
If I chose to follow my dreams instead of soley caring about monitary value, would I be crazy?

If I become a therapist, would I be able to make your probelms disappear?
If I become a writer, would I be able to write the great novel?
If I become a teacher, what would you learn from me?
If I become a mother, would I teach my children what my mother taught me?

The future is if.
I am the future.
I am if.

Perfectly Imperfect.

I have a Tumblr, and a Twitter account, and to be honest, I'm addicted. However, there are some things that truly bother me on the website. I hate how many girls like to point out their flaws, and how many society pressures both males and females to be perfect, the pressure of perfection coming from society, and from parents, school, and peers.
I'll be the first one to admit it. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm probably the most imperfect person ever. I can't draw or do math, and I fall a lot, physically and emotionally. Does that make me any less, does that make you any more? I think not.
To all of the girls out there who think that they aren't perfect because they have a big ass or something, that doesn't make you any less. People might point out the imperfections, but the people who do simply don't matter enough to maintain a permant part in your life. The people who say you're fat, or stupid are the people that shouldn't have a role in your life altogether. I realize that this is easier said then done, however it's something that more people should realize: if someone has the power to make you feel bad, it's simply because you gave them that power. Only you have the power to make you feel sad or mad or bad. Remember that.
I also think that these girls should also ban the word "fat" from your vocab. To me, it's such a negative word, and is not really needed. No one is fat, and no one should starve themselves, or go on a diet. Weight is something that I feel that the American is obsessed with, whether they may be obese or anerexic. The average American is obsessed with sizes rather than health status. It's sad but true. It creates unreal standards, that everyone can be a size zero.
Duh. Not everyone is a size zero. If everyone was a size zero, then the world would be boring, and there would be no variety. With no variety, then the world would be like having no ice cream but vanilla. Imagine if that were the case. Then life, and the world around us would be boring.
To all of the girls out there, enjoy your flaws. No one is perfect, and neither should you. You're beautiful just the way you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Rambling at Ten AM

Hey there internetters. So, I'm failing at writing a 50,000 word novel. Don't mock me, because it's really hard. That, and I have writer's block, so yeah, here I am blogging.
Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking. I've been feeling like my life is changing seasons overnight. I graduated high school, and started college, and still haven't adjusted to that change yet. Now, I'm looking down the road for my classes next semester. And of course, it's the most stressful thing ever, so cue the stress. I often wish I could go back to the days when guidance conselors, even though the did it wrong, could arrange a schedule for me. I miss those firefly catching days. I miss my friends, well the good ones. Especially the ones who over the past few years. I don't necesarily miss high school, however I miss the way things were when I was in high school. I miss, most of all, a friend who somehow become a huge part of my life, who I now rarely get to see or talk to. It's hard, especially since he was such a big part of my high school life, that seeing him in college is a rarity. I sometimes wonder if he's forgotton about me, even though deep down, I know he's just busy. I miss my old teachers, and carrying another friend's stuff for him in the hallway. I seriously thought he thought I was a packmule. I miss
However, I did realize something. I myself have changed. I'm no longer as depressed as I was in high school. To be honest, I never felt happier with myself. I try to read the newspaper every day so I have something decent to talk about, and know what's going on in the world around me. I try to read a lot, but sometimes, you know homework gets in the way. I study harder than I ever have in my life, and rarely get sleep. But, I know that once I get through the first year of suckiness, then the rest of the time that I have to come will only get easier.
I also came at peace with myself, and for the first time in my life, I don't compare myself as a fat hippo. I think of myself as imperfect, and damn you people for thinking that I have to be. I'll make mistakes, and then eventually I'll get things right. But I'm young. And I want to live my life as I want to. I don't need your iput nor support. I just need your respect.
Thank you, and good night. Or morning...

Announcements.

Hey guys!
How did you all make it through the storm?
I first wanted to say that my heart goes out to ALL of the victims of Hurricane/Superstorm Sandy. I pray for you guys and that you all have a fast recovery. I'm posting a link at the bottom of the entry in case ya'll are interested in donating/helping out
Anyways, I also would  like to make an announcement. As some of you know, I'm currently working on NanoWriMo (National Writing Month.) Basically, the point of that is that I'm going to be writing a 50,000 word novel in this month. Between that and school, my time for blogging will be sparse. So please, bear with me in the next month, as I try to kick ass with writing 50,000 and I shall resume blogging normally again in December.
Peace!
For Information of my NanoWriMo Project:
http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/nattbarletta
For Information on helping out hurricane sandy victims:
http://www.redcross.org/

"Straight-edged, not Straight Laced."

Lately, I've been in touch with thinking about my sobriety. On a college campus, of course I have to come in contact with that. I've realized that drinking is something that I'm really not comfortable with doing. If I wanted to put mind altering poison in my body, I mean I would resort to drinking, but I'm just not into it. I mean, I tried it, because of the forbidden fruit theory (meaning that the more people tell you not to do it, the more into it you become) and really didn't enjoy it. But my peers dug it because they thought that it was cool. It was for them, but not for me.
I'm now straightedged. That means I'm not into that drinking and smoking shit. That doesn't make me a prude, and if you do it I won't judge you. I will however, if you're a close friend of mine, be concerned about your wellbeing, but the key thing here is that it's not my thing. I'm not straightlaced, and I know how to have fun. I don't think you need a bong or a shot to say that you're having a good time. (especially if it's a prom or something, wouldn't it be something that you want to remember) If you need to be drunk to have a good time, then you have some serious probelms.

Do They Really Know What's Best?

They say that mother does know best. I'm sure that line has appeared several times in your life. Probably even used by your own maternal figure. I know my mother uses that line quite faithfully. But my question here, is do they?
A mother is a bunch of things. A mother is a best friend who knows whats best for you. She's often the one to turn to when in crisis, because she's probably been there herself, and has a more worldly experience due to the fact of age.
However, sometimes that phrase doesn't apply. An example of this is basically the matters of the heart. As I mentioned in a previous entry, no one really knows what's best for you but yourself. An example of this happened recently with a friend. Her mother wanted her to break up with her boyfriend, and literally drove her to her boyfriend's house so she can break up with her. Whether her mother had good reasons of doing so, that's her feelings. However, only the girl can only know what's best for her. Only she can know that.
My mother sometimes thinks she knows what's best for me, especially in the romantic department. However, I don't exactly think of my mother as a great source, simply because due to the fact that she's been through a divorce, her perception is different then mine. As much as I love my mother, I hope she realizes that there are certain choices that need to be made by me. I know what's best for me. I love her input, but at the end of the day, I know what's best for me.
Mothers. They do know what's best, for them. But sometimes, the best thing to do is let a butterfly fly to where it's destined to be.

Fear; Part Two.

Lately my life has been a blur of one word. Future. The word that I've been trying to avoid for my entire life, its finally no longer able to avoid. I can't no longer avoid it.
I worry that I will become a loser, and fail. I worry that I'll be one of those who doesn't end up living a successful life, or find a job. I wonder if I chose to follow my dreams, will I end up a failure cause of it? Or even, if that's what I really want. Of course, I want to write. I want to write the books that will inspire people of all ages to dream, to imagine, and to grow. I want to be something big. I know it's going to be hard, but in the end, I know it's going to be worth it. But, what if I'm not good at this writing thing? What if I'm actually a horrible writer, and people just tell me that I'm good so I won't cry? What if I'm just going to end up an English teacher? (nothing wrong with teaching, it's just not the life I would choose for me) What if I'm never going to find a job, and going to have to flip burgers for the rest of my life?
I don't want to happen. Of course not. But sometimes, I wonder if I'm going to fail. Or screw up. I shouldn't, but here is fear, front and center.
Maybe, failure is something that makes us stronger. I look at the greats and I know that they went through the same thing that I did.
And I know that I too, will overcome it.

Fears.

I have a fear of a lot of things. For example, I'm afraid of heights. Like petrified. I can't even go up stairs without worrying that I'll fall. That's why I always walk ever so slowly up them, and annoy the other people behind me. (sorry people)
But, sometimes fears can cause us to miss out of wonderful, awesome things. And then we realize years later what they cause us to miss out on. Sometimes, it can be being able to sky dive. I mean, I would be too afraid to actually do it. But I'm sure it's such a great experience that one wouldn't mind experiencing.
Yesterday, I was watching Eat Pray Love. And it was towards the movie, when Liz and that guy that she likes so much are about to get into a boat, when she gets scared and runs. I began to wonder if I myself was afraid and how it let me be weary of the awesome things that were right in front of me. Maybe we're all afraid deep down, and we end up letting it get the best of us. Maybe we let our scars get in the way of what we could be.
How do we get rid of these fears? We face them. We can say fuck them, or we can let them get to us, and destroy what's around us like a hurricane. It's up to us to let these fears get to us. But, sometimes, they are worth letting go.

A Relationship is Like a Shoe...

I believe that a relationship is like a shoe. I believe this is like a shoe, because shoes are basically programmed to be fit by one person, and relationships, I believe are the same. They are made for you. Some can wear certain shoes. Others can't. The same goes for relationships. Some can do certain things, others can not.
I may not be in a relationship myself, unless you count my deep infatuation with Luke Bryan..(Hey, he's HOT), but I do think that it's something that's different for everyone. Some people have the relationship by pen pal or by email. Some people die without seeing their loved one for minutes. (or text. This is called obession folks.) Everyone has their different scenarios for their relationship issues.
The thing that does annoy me, which inspired me the most for writing this article, is that people always have something to say about someone's relationship. Leave them alone. It's their issue. If they are happy, then let them be happy. They know what their happiness is, probably better than you can. I understand that everyone has to say something, and you have your own opinions, but I feel like you need to also respect the parties that are involved. They know what's right for them better than you do. So, put your opinions where the sun don't shine.
This is also why I also refuse relationship advice. People don't exactly know how I'm feeling, and what is right for me, rather than them. I do often ask what people do think of the matter, but end up doing what's right for me in the end. 
Overal, I think what's right for one shouldn't be the overall way of being right for all. Don't think that something is right for someone is right for you. It was right for them. Not you.

The Pyschology of Mean Girls.

Mean girls. Who haven't seen that classic of a movie? It's a staple for the twenty first century, a comedy, a tragedy just like Romeo and Juliet. It's something quoted by many, some people have even used it in their senior quotes. But, while watching it, the pysch minor in me analyzed it and came up with a few analytic approaches of this iconic movie:

• Regina George has a narcisstic personality disorder. Narcisstic personality disorder is when one has a high impression of themself, and think that everything they do is amazing. Regina is a an example of this because she has a rather high opinion of herself, thinking that she's the hottest girl around, and always saying "duh" whenever she recieves a compliment about her said abilities and good looks.
• The entire school suffers from the fundamental attribution error because based on a person's actions and status, they tend to make a judgement about the other person. They could be a nice person for that matter. Then again, that's high school, because in high school, everyone talks. 
• Cady's drastic change in herself to become Regina. In her unconscious mind, she secretly wants to be like her, so she starts to act like her. She's also experience cognitive dissonence because she says that she hates Regina George, but really she admires her. 
• We also see Freud's use of defense mechanisms here. Regina is like this the most with the way she deals with her anxiouity. She takes out her innermost emotions out on others, such as her insecurities with her weight, and herself. 
• The most important part of the movie is that we see that Regina is not totally a bad person. She's actually kind of cool. She's like us; she's insecure, and just wants to be loved. And who doesn't want to be loved?

You go glen coco!

STOP.

Recently, the topic of bullying has come to my attention due to a story I read about a teen whose committed sucide because she was bullied. Her name was Amanda Todd. She was bullied online, by a predator posting pictures of her topless online, and being made fun of and even now after death people still mock her. I think that this is terrible.
Raise your hand if you've ever been bullied by someone in your life, whether it may be in elementary, middle or high school, college, or even later in life by a boss or other figure. Chances all of your hands would be raised. Bullying is something that should be ended.
What defines bullying? According to Dictionary.com, the definition of a bully is an intimidating action done to intimidate others, preferably weaker beings. The causes of bullying can range from someone having troubles from an different layer of their life, where they would want to apply the power to a different circle of their life, to them just being an asshole. 
Nonetheless, bullying is WRONG. You hear that, WRONG. You shouldn't treat others in a way that you yourself shouldn't want to be treated. You shouldn't put your hands on someone else, unless they want a hug or a handshake or something like that. Bullying is something that should be stopped. Like now.  
And to those who have been bullied, or are being bullied right now, know I feel you. You are not alone. There are a lot of people out there who at some point who have been bullied by someone. Remember this too will pass. Remember that you are awesome, and you will one day rule the world. Stop bullying. Together, we as a internet community can do just that, if each and every person reading this vows to follow that Golden Rule. Maybe then, we can live in a more peaceful world, where at long last, we can have peace on Earth. 
Together, we can make the difference. 

Photographs.

People who know me personally know that I take a lot of pictures. And by a lot, I mean the one thousand pictures that I'm tagged in on facebook. And, well to be honest, I like taking pictures, whether they are of myself, or of something or someone, because it freezes that moment in time. It makes that moment last forever, and when you look back onto that picture, it brings you back into that moment of time. You may laugh, and smile because the memory is a good one. You may be embarassed because of your clothes or hairstyle at the time. You may be sad, because the memory strikes a cord in your heart.
Photographs are the things that we are left behind. Photographs are sometimes the only thing remaining of the past when the past is gone. The last remainders of someone whose gone, the way that we can see someone who is no longer with us.
Today marks a year since my grandfather's passing. And so today, to make up for his presence of not being here actually, I will look at photographs. A year ago, they made me cry to even look at. Now, they make me smile, because he wouldn't like to see us cry.
I hope that I'm making you proud grandpa! I miss you!

A Simple Song.

Last night, I was watching the show Nashville. I honestly can say that I loved it, it's one of my favorite things that I've watched in a very long time. You see, I'm very critical when it comes to new shows, and especially new music. Anyways, I've been inspired when I was watching the show. Music is something that has been a huge part of the way that we communicate. It's how we connect to the world. It's like poetry, with pretty music in the background. Its a message, with a pretty way of presenting ourselves.
I'm a poet, and I've been considering myself to be a musical aficionado. So, I wrote a simple song, called A Little Too Late. It may suck, but ohh well, YOLO bitch.

A Little Too Late. 
Another day goes by, 
Another tear outta my eye, 
I keep on wondering of what could;
I should have said something; oh, I know I should. 
I was afraid, I know.
I don't know how to let my feelings show. 
And before I lay down every night;
Oh yeah, that's whats right:
Chorus:
Hey Lord, am I too late? 
Have I entered the troubled waters of fate? 
I've gotton my heart broken twice, 
I just need your good advice
Am I too late? 
Is life all but a time or date?
 Second chances are rare, 
All I want you is there. 
I want another chance, 
May I have this dance? 
What can I say, 
I need to know which way.
Chorus
Sometimes, you just gotta seize the day;
You never know if it will or won't go that way.
I often wish I could have one more chance, 
I can assure you with confidence
It will be okay
Well, what can I say?
Chorus

Easy Smores!

One of my favorite foods of all time is the classic smore. Unfortunately, the campfire ain't exactly my scene, so I've tried to improvise, and I've FINALLY found a winner. Therefore, readers, I must share it with you.

For this you will need:

• A couple of grahm crackers. 
• Chocolate with marshmellow center. 

Basically, all you do is stick the chocolate between the two crackers, and you're good. I've never tried it warm..but if y'all do, please let me know...
Enjoy!

Also: I would like also to ask all of my readers out there for a little help with something. I'm currently working on a novel, and I need names for all of my minor characters, because I can't figure out what the hell to name these people. Any ideas would be appericated.

MY voice. MY Vote 2012

As everyone probably knows, there was a major debate on last night, where the two presidential canidates battled it out on the big stage. I won't say whose side I'm on, but I do think that we all should take this whole politics thing seriously. Why? Because it's the future of our country. Students, we'll  be the ones running this show soon, we should pay attention to the issues and vote for someone who we see fit to have the job as president. People older than students, we should be try to find someone that will make the country a safe place to live in, not just for you, and your children, but the generations after. Like seriously. These things are important to think about because we need to shape up our country today for a better tomorrow.
What is tommorow? We will never have a utopia of a country, let's face it. There will always be flaws in the goverment, like the humans who run it. But our ultimate goal of the goverment, it's ultimate mission should be to make this country safe for everyone, for everyone to have the option to have healthcare, and everyone who wants a job to have one. EVERY couple, gay straight or transgender should have the right to be married in a wedding of their choice. Old people should have the right to retire without having to worry that they are running out of money so that if they got sick, they don't have to worry about care.
That's the tommorow I see. I want you all to think about your tommorows. What do you want the most? A family? Career? What will get you to there?
Think about that this election day. Who will get you to where you want to be?

Simply Snoopy.

For those of you who know me personally, you'll know that I have a snoopy obession. Personally, he's the cutest darn beagle...well ever. Especially when he dances around and flies an airplane. Yeah, that beagle can do just about anything.
Tommorow is Snoopy's 62nd birthday (my he looks good for his age, if I do say so myself.) And I wanted to take a moment to dedicate my blog to him, because he's the world's most awesome cartoon beagle ever made. He's inspired me so much to be great and to be adventurous. Snoopy is legit the world's most awesome person ever. And he's a beagle. He dances and his friendship with Woodstock is well solid. He's so cute, and is one of the few people who actually can cheer me up when I'm down. He's a chef, he's a pilot, he's a writer. He's a busy little dog.
So happy birthday Snoopy. Thanks for being awesome for 62 years!

Stuck.

Stuck here like glue;
I don't know what to do.
Should I make that first step,
Make everything all correct.
Should I just not and say I did;
I understand her and his sides perfectly.
You're still my flesh and bone,
Your blood is alive in my vains,
And yes I do care.
But you didn't when I went through the same thing.
I'm just stuck in a pool of confusion;
And I don't know what to do.

Love Logic.

I was watching the notebook yesterday. First, let me say this: DON'T JUDGE ME. Second of all, let me say that it's actually an awesome movie that got me thinking. There was one part of the movie that really got me thinking. Allie's parents were doing anything that they could to keep them apart; telling them to break it off, calling him trash, and eventually hiding letters from her. Allie claims that she knows it's right, saying that her own parents do not do the same things that she and Noah did; the way they touched or played with each other were not like her parents.
I thought about this statement since last night, and have come up with one simple conclusion: with love there is no logic. We simply, can not control who we love. It's as natural as breathing, we do it unconsciously.
In my critical thinking class, we are learning about, well thinking. (I don't get it either.) There is only one area in life where critical thinking leaves us astray. And that, my friends, is in the areas of love. Love simply has no logic.
In one final note, I do have one simple question. Why do people try to tear starcrossed lovers, who are clearly right for each other apart? Is it because of jealousy? Is it because they are unhappy and want to spread it like peanut butter? Maybe they think that it's what was best for them, so they only want what they think is best.
Well, in that case, we are the only ones who know what's best for us.

Sober-Party of One.

I've been in college for about a month now, and it's safe to say it's not at all like high school. I mean of course it isn't; the classes are harder and everything is on you, not your parents. But, there is something else that I noticed that is a bit more of an issue then it was for me in high school.
Drinking. Smoking. Clubbing.
For me, it's everywhere. In my classes, as I go to class. I hear students talk about hooking up, and going out, and although I don't judge them, half of the time, I don't even know them, I often  am concerned about them, in addition to the schema of a college student. Like seriously, do people think that the best part of college is partying and wasting their brain cells getting drunk. It makes me uncomfortable, and then I wonder if there something wrong with me, or is it everyone else?
Okay, I'd be a hypocrite in saying that I've never touched alchol. Of course, I have tried it. But, friends looked at my stupidty, and I eventually realized that drinking is a stupid waste of time and energy. It's dangerous to my health, and it clouds your judgement. 
Now, I walk out to class, and it's not common to see someone smoke, or hear a bunch of people talk about what they are doing at the club tonight. I get it, it's life. But is that what a college student is expected to do? Drink? Party? Smoke?
No offense, but I'm there to learn.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't party.
I don't hook up.
I guess that makes me a loner. I refuse to date a person who does those types of things, because I don't want to have to worry about whether or not they are sober. I don't like the smell of cigarettes, or weed, or even vodka. I don't want to be with a person like that, for my own sanity, because I don't want to a: be pressured to enter that kind of life (i"m not, so get the fuck over it)  b: have to take care of someone when they have had one too many.
I plan on doing college sober. I plan on getting my degree, and becoming the best fucking college professor that this world has ever seen. Call me a nerd? Fuck, I am one. Call me a prude? Whatever. I have friends, ones that actually don't waste their brain cells on some fucking drinks. So. Call me whatever the fuck you want, I'll be sober, party of one.
Thank you, and goodnight.

Words.

Words are something that each and every one of us is equipped with. Words help us communicate with the world around us, are we hungry, tired or full? We use words to tell people how we feel and what we need. Sometimes, though people can use those weapons in a negative manner, causing someone to get hurt over what they said.
I want to take a moment to describe that situation and to discuss. Recently, I have heard a rumor about someone that was something that people really shouldn't be talking about because it's none of their business. If it's a rumor, than I feel bad for the person, because then people are going around and talking about her personal life like that. If it's true, then I feel bad for her because then she has a long road ahead of her. I may not be her biggest fan; however I think that it's wrong that people are wasting their lives talking about an issue that's none of their business.
I think that at some point or another; we all use words in a negative manner, whether to make ourselves feel or look good, or to bring the other person down. Well you are ALL assholes, and completely wrong. Look at tabliods, and all of that fun stuff. Would you like someone spreading a rumor about you? I don't think you do.
I want you to take a moment to think about something. Think of a time someone spread some sort of rumor about you; or some sort of secret for that manner. I bet you didn't feel too good then. So the next time you open your mouth, think of that time. Do you want someone to feel the same pain as you did then? I bet not. And if you do, then seriously, you have probelms.
I want us all to think before we speak. Because we can never take aback an action once it is done. So think. It could make someone else's day a little less horrid.

What Movies Have Taught Me,

They say that romantic movies should not be our basis towards life because it's a movie, and is created by a world of Hollywood writers. But sometimes, a world that is created by Hollywood writers has its own prospects.
Movies, believe it or not have shown me countless things about life. Movies have taught me to take chances in life. For example, in the Titanic movie, when Rose and Jack FINALLY get together, it shows me that sometimes, in life to be happy that you have to take a risk or a chance to do so. Needless to say, Jack and Rose have taken that chance by meeting and getting coupled up when the whole world is against them, but hey, when there is a will, there is a way. Also, in general, some movies tend to be more educational; for example, Titanic because it shows us how people lived in 1912, and what the ship looks now. Movies show us, by giving us a glance, how someone's life once was.
Movies, however, have been rumored to having unreal standards. Obiviously, certain things are soley in the movies. For example, those mean girl clique things. Yeah. In the movies, and the TV shows. At least in my experience in high school and middle school, I haven't witnessed that. However, there were girls in my school who thought that they were popular, and better than everyone else. Also, notice how the guy always says something perfect when he goes through professing his love for the girl? Yeah, that doesn't happen too much in real life, because often, the guy doesn't have someone telling him what to say. (AKA a writer or director who will pay him LOTS of money)
Movies are a part of our culture. We watch them to buy an escape ticket from our own lives, a two hour vacation into someone else's life. Sometimes, they can teach us things. Sometimes, they are just there to entertain. Either way, they do have a purpose.

How Do I?

I'm one of those people whose like an onion-needed to be peeled one layer at a time. I'm often finding myself having trouble with finding the right words to say how I feel, because I don't know exactly how to do so. I often wish someone else would do it, because then maybe I wouldn't have to worry about getting hurt, about worrying about no sort of safety net to catch me, just to let me fall straight up on my fall. I mean, I've done it once, and I've ended up a mess. So why would I even bother trying to get back out there, and try to be happy or to try to tell someone that I am fond of them?
Maybe cause I'm stupid. But then again, love requires no critical thinking, we can not analyze who we fall in love with. I learned that in my critical thinking class on Wenesday. I often worry that my chance is gone, and that I'm going to end up a old lady with a thousand cats.
So how do I go about this whole thing? Feelings and shit. I don't know how to use them, I guess that you can say that I'm feeling handicapped. How do I say what's in my mind and heart? What do I do? What do I say?

Technology Replacing Actuality?

Recently, my mom got a phone that finally was able to text. Up until this point, my mother would only be able to call me, making getting ahold of her a heck of a lot harder then if I was able to send a quick text to her. Now that she does have that option, it's a: kinda weird, because I'm not used to texting my mother, and b: kinda puzzling.
Lately, some of my classes have been mostly online, or have some kind of online component. Now, instead of getting bookwork, we get problems on a computer. As environmentally friendly as it is, it kind of scares me, because it feels so informal.
Don't get me wrong, I love computers, texting and iPods. Obiviously, because I write a blog, and am addicted to my cell phone like it's my job. But, in a way, it feels like it's replacing actual human contact. I miss those days when we would be able to just phone someone, for them to come over and stuff. Mainly, because it kind helps us be able to talk to them, and whatnot. (For those of you whose number i   have called, you all know that I have a lot of trouble leaving voicemails, I blame the power of text messaging because I often have to think about what I'm saying, so I can delete the words and stuff, and I'm not very good at thinking on my feet.)
With technology replacing everything from books to CDs, to even the way we communicate, we often have to wonder what the future lies ahead. Would we become a digital world? How would this affect us socially?
As much as the technology is a good thing, sometimes, we just need actuality. Example? Whenever I'm sad, I often want a hug. It's the way that I am, because hugs are awesome. In liu of a real one, I have friends who give me virtual ones. As awesome as that may be, sometimes, I just want the real thing. Will there be a such thing as virtual cookies next?
Sometimes, with every pro, there's a con. Think about it.

Change

Change. 

It's a word that has been thrown my way a thousand times in the last week. At some point in our lives, we must enter a transition period, where we must find ourselves, and be the person that we dream or aspire to be. Or, we soon realize that these dreams of ours are extremely farfetched and not for us. Like my English professor. He wanted to be a biologist, but upon his enterence into a program to study it, he soon realized that the path that was shown to him wasn't exactly for him. 

Life is like seasons. We all must enter a pattern of what is expected of us, what is known. Every now and then, things will change. Then, as time moves on, the life that is now changed, becomes a life upon a norm.

For the past few months, my life has been nothing but change. Graduating, starting college, and getting used to college. Getting up at different times in the morning (I get to sleep an extra hour a day, yay!), doing more work outside of class, and becoming more independent. My classes sometimes vary, such as today, where I've been at this school for almost three hours, and am not getting home until mid afternoon. I wonder what my former self was life, and as I get used to this new life, and new people even, I worry about the people who I leave behind. I don't want to lose what I had going for me in high school, and sometimes, miss them more than they will ever know. I guess instead of seeing them in school, I'll have to actually make an effort to hang out with them on the weekends and such. (if some would answer their phones.)

I guess change, is a good thing. I just need to learn how to keep up. 

Books are Food for the Brain.

I believe that books are like food for the brain. I believe this because books are ways that we can feed our brains knowledge, similar to the way food feeds our body nutrients, vitamins, and minerals and all of that good stuff. In addition to that, it helps us to expand our imagination to newer and higher limit, to inspire us to soar to newer and higher aspirations than what we have previously have expected for ourselves.
In school, they always say that reading is a good thing. Sometimes, people tend to think that just because their teachers say that, it's something to ignore. Sad but true. I think, however, that there's a purpose to everything that you read, whether it's assigned or not. One of the purposes is to learn something, whether about a person, time, scandal, or place. Another is to hear someone's story, whether they may be fiction or an actual person, to get to know them a tad bit better, to understand them completely why they did something or to learn their story.
I think that shows us to look past what's on the outside, and look in what the person thinks/feels. Sometimes, we don't tend to realize that sometimes people have a reason for being who they are, and who they portray themselves as being. For example; in the holiday story A Chirstmas Story, we tend to look at Scrooge as being a grumpy old man. However, no one asked why he's like that. Sure, he could have been a huge asshole all of the time, but no one looked beyond his rude persona to look at WHY he is like that. No one wondered did something happen to this man to make him this way? Maybe he was abused by his parent, which makes it hard for him to reach out to humans, or hard to trust others, because he's simply afraid to be hurt. He can also have avoidant personality disorder for all we know. We just never know, so we judge. In pyschology, this concept is know as the fundamental attributation error (concept explained in an earlier entry). Also, one can argue that he could just be a crabby old man.
I also think reading gets us to think. Like most of our body, the brain is a muscle all of it's own. To make it stronger, we must exercise it. Whether it's something for class or for pleasure, we must excerise our brain  for top performance, such as a standardized test, and what not. It doesn't hurt to think.
Overall, I believe that books are food for the brain, because it shows us that we can aspire to anything our little heart desire. With books, we can explore Hogwarts with Harry, get a front row seat with Katniss, watch Gatsby's undying love for Daisy unfold, and explore the unknown world of high school with Charlie. We can live in a world, just for a little while that's different from our own, a sweet escape from our own reality. Some say that they don't enjoy reading, well maybe it's because they haven't found the books that interest them. The amount of books out there are infinite; you just have to find your own niche or genre of books that make you want to read. Books can be more than just an assignment, it can be the thing that expands your mind to new horizons. By feeding our brain with them, we are able to do so.

Watch Me.

If you think that you can kick me while I'm down,
Watch me kick your ass through the pain.
If you think that you're going to leave me dead,
Watch me as I live.
If you think that I'm an asshole,
Well karma's a bitch motherfucker, so get the fuck over it.
If you think that I can't do it.
Grab some popcorn and watch me as I do.
Watch me live,
Because I don't need you to be the one who brings me down.
I can do better than what you think I can.
Watch me as I soar.
Because I refuse to drown under failure.
Watch me.
Cause I'm not going anywhere.

Heart.

I wander accross hundreds,
But you're the one I can recongize.
You have my heart,
To admit it, yeah, it would be a start.
I wonder high and low.
Left and right.
My excuses I'm out of.
Maybe, I should let my heart admit the truth.

Confusion.

I wander along, listening to the Foo Fighters,
I listen to you,
And wonder what to do to help,
Because probelms arise everyday.
Why can't people be happy?
We're too young, and life's too short to fill it's canvas with complaints.
I want to fly,
But you wiegh me down.
I hear someone tell me I can't.
I worry at night.
I cry due to loniliness, but in the morning, sing my song.
I wander along,
In a sea of confusion.

Quick. Quick? Quick!

Hey everyone! I apologize in advance for the fact that it's been two weeks since I last posted something on here. I've been in extrremely poor health for about a week and a half, and haven't really been able to think of good topics other than everything in my body hurts. And nobody wants to read about that.
Well, it doesn't anymore. Thank God.
Anyways, back to my blog entry. Hi. Hello.
The upcoming school year is fast approaching, and I'll have to endure some quick ice breakers, all of which require me to think on my feet something interesting about myself. So, to save myself some time, and to actually think of something good, because I really suck at thinking on my feet, I decided to write down a few interesting things about myself. Maybe then, people would find me interesting..

1. This summer, I learned how to drive, and went to Boston. 
2. My favorite singer changes daily. 
3. This summer, I learned that I probably won't get my license for a long time, because I suck at driving. Also, I learned that you only live once, and you can never predict what's going to happen to you, because every day could truly be your last.
4. I know every lryic of the Fraiser theme song. 
5. I love cupcakes more than anything. 
6. I read ten books this summer. 
7. I'm thinking of changing my major.
8. I'm really bad at technology. 
9. I've never been to a concert. 
10. I just got my first libary card yesterday.
11. I had a bunch of really awesome facts about myself in my mind, but by the time I sat down to actually write them, I already forgot them. 
12. I'm both pysched, and freaked about college. 
13. I love historical ficition. 
14. I have five bottles of purple nail polish. Maybe more. 

 So..yeah, I'm not that exciting. Oh well..

Under Pressure.

Note: This piece following is purely my opinion. If you find fault, or are offended, then please remind yourself that this is America, and I can blog whatever the hell I want, thanks to the first amendmant . So, if you are actually offended, please go read a copy of the Bill of Rights before you make an ass out of yourself.
Yesterday, I was on a girl's tumblr account, and I came across some disturbing images. The images, I'm afraid were promoting signs of eating disorders, calling herself fat, and a bunch of images of women going to drastic measures to be perfect.
Being perfect is something that many people strive, especially adolescents, who are trying to find a place in the cold world that lies in front of them. The media often promotes this, I've noticed through fashion magazines, and televison. I personally think the media is promoting mixed messages to teens, and everyone, to be thin, but not too thin, to be perfect, but not too perfect. And it's hard for one to follow, so what do they do? They crumble, and result to drastic measures; either for attention or for just being loved by everyone.
Newsflash, folks. No one in this world is perfect. So, to all of the girls out there, stop trying. No, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, I'm just trying to make a valid, and true point. Sometimes, what we see on the reality shows and what is reported is fake. The best way to put it is taken from the song "Hollywood" by the hit pop singer JoJo, "All That Glitters Ain't Gold".
Another thing that bothers me, perhaps the most, is that girls try to be perfect, so that someone else would love them, in the area of romantic encounters. They try to be "hot" so that way they can get the guy. Well, to be honest, that's not the way it should be. I think that society makes it like that, but the truth is, or at least in my opinion, it's not. Don't starve yourself to get a guy. It's not worth it.
I believe that if you aren't the person that you want to be, then you are putting on an act, wearing a mask, and pretending to be someone that you're not. Whether it may be for attention, or to get the guy, it's stupid. You're just living your life in a fantasy, a dream almost, putting on an act to be someone that you're not. If you are truly yourself, then you realize that the people who love you, for being you.
To the girls out there, feeling pressured, know that people truly love you. Actually, scratch that. To ANYONE who feels pressured to be perfect, know that people love you for being you, and you don't have to wear any mask but your own.

Inner Child.

How many of us are guilty of sleeping with stuffed animals, watching cartoons, playing on a playground, or eating sugary ceral just for the prizes. (Okay, tell me that I wasn't the ONLY person to ever do that, come on people)
The point is that we all have a inner child that resides in all of us. Sometimes, she's hidden by adult desires, but deep down, hidden, she's there. She's the one who loves lots of sweets, the one who still buys and sleeps with stuffed animals, and climbs trees. (I got that one with the help of Ugly Betty, thanks Betty.)
What is the inner child in us? She's the one who takes risks, mainly cause she doesn't know better. She plays with dolls, on hours on end, just to express the stories in her mind. She's the one who draws lousy pictures, so she can express her inner thoughts and ideas. She's the one who writes silly stories and dreams about becoming big someday, whether it's a writer singer, or fashion designer.
As we grow up, we quickly learn lessons and we lose interest in things such as playing an instrument or exploring. Why? I don't actually know. Maybe, when we hit puberty, we tend to lose interest in certain things, just to be more of the media's aspect on how the female should act like.(it's something I read in a book once) Maybe, we are discouraged to express ourselves by our families, peers, and other people in the world.
But the more we hold onto our inner desires, the more we hold onto imagination. The things we dream of is the things that we should go for. Sometimes, things are just within your reach. Sometimes, our inner child has a point in his or her own way.
They are telling us to dream.

Lately.

Lately, my life has been crappy.
I haven't slept in a couple of days, my watch broke, my favorite one, I've been sitting by a phone that wouldn't ring, and yeah, my life sucks. I've cried enough tears to fill up a river, and I'm tired of it.
Overall, I feel lousy.
I guess, sometimes, when riding on an all time high, we have to come to a low. And we want someone to hug us, and someone to listen to our probelms. Sometimes, we have people that who will be there for you. Then sometimes, you have people who never respond to your text, and you feel like crap because you thought you actually meant something to them.
Lately, I've been a mess.
But I've been through crappier days, and I know in my heart of hearts that it's not the end of the world. 
But tomarrow, will be a better day, and everything would be okay.

Awesome Things.

While purchasing textbooks, I came across the discount bin at my school's bookstore. So, I picked up this book, called the Book of Awesome (Link posted at the bottom of this entry to the book's or author's website). Anyways, I got to reading it yesterday, on my summer reading kick, and ever since then, I couldn't put the book down, it was that good.
Anyways, the book was about the little awesome things in life that make us happy. And that got me thinking about the little awesome things, things that one wouldn't think of as being awesome or cause for one to be happy. So, I've composed a list of my own five awesome things.

1. Cookies. Especially warm ones. I have a huge addiction to cookies. Whenever I eat them, I'm always happy. It doesn't matter what kind of cookies-chocolate chip, frosted, and M and M. The sky is the limit when it comes to me and cookies. 
2. Learning  about new things. This summer, I learned how to drive. Yes, I may suck at it, but everytime I go out, I get a tad bit better, and learn a little more. The feeling of accomplishing something, anything is always a good thing. 
3. Being curled up in a ball late at night watching television. I dunno why, but every night, I always shut my phone off, and just relax. 
4. Running. Whenever I run, I feel like it clears my mind so I can think. It's like my own hour long mindsweep. Whenever I'm stressed, I always run, and for some odd reason, I'm not stressed anymore. 
5. Gilmore Girls. That show is awesome. I'm obessed. Nuff said, fellas. 

Now, I have a crazy request. Tell me your little awesome things that make YOU happy. It doesn't have to be five, but I would like to hear it from you, readers.

http://1000awesomethings.com/book/

Jump, Damnit, Jump.

There's this Madonna song, called Jump. For those of you who don't know, I'm a huge Madonna fan, and am currently trying to collect all of her CDs. (I'm up to four-WOOT, only nine more to go) One of my favorite songs by her is this song from her album Confessions on a Dance Floor, called, as you guessed it Jump. It's about taking risks, and chances.
Well, lately, that's been the theme of my life. Taking chances.
Often, I feared about taking chances. I fear often about them blowing up in my face. But also, I got to thinking. If I don't take the chances, I would sit wondering what my life would be like if I did. Sometimes, it hurts more not doing something, then pulling the trigger and doing something about it. Sometimes, someone would catch you. Sometimes there won't be. Either way, you can get up, and you can move on into the future, whatever that may mean.
There is also an Ugly Betty episode titled with that same name; the one where Betty takes a personal risk when deciding to marry Henry or go to Rome with Italy. Her idol, Clare Meade tells her that she needs to take more risks, so she does, and travels the country to find herself. (great, I just ruined the ending)
But the point is, she decided to jump. She didn't know what she was going to face, or what was in front of her; she just did it.
And that's what I need to do.
I need to Jump, dammit.
We all sometimes need to, even though we may not know what's in front of us, or what we will face. We just never know what to expect. Unless, we have some kind of crystal ball.
Are you ready to jump?
I am.

Everyone Makes Mistakes.

We all make mistakes. We all are imperfect human beings, with flaws, and cracks in our mirrors. We use foundation to cover up the things that we don't like about ourselves-pimples, lines, and freckles to make a perfect complexion that makes us look pretty on the outside. We all strive to be perfect, when really no one isn't completely perfect. There is some sort of flaw, that doesn't always mean that people are not good enough, it makes them real. All that glitters isn't gold. Sometimes, a few cracks in the reflection shows that there is real beauty.
What is the cracks, exactly? The mistakes that one made. The past. They are the dirt that lies underneath, preventing one from being completely perfect.
But, then. No one is perfect. We all have flaws. We all make mistakes. We all have little quirks that make one imperfect. Mine are that I eat too much chocolate, I cry easily, read a lot of books, read magazines backwards, and I have obessions with music and jewelry.
But that's just me.
Those are the things that make me, well me.
Maybe imperfections are the things that make us, well us. It's our character, it's the individual things that make us unique.
And everyone knows it's okay to be different. 

Can/Can't.

On Twitter, (yes I have a twitter, if y'all want to follow me, hit me up. Okay, that sounded odd, but yeah you get the point), there was a trend about what you can't be in a relationship.
So then, I put my thinking cap on, and got to thinking...
What can I not tolerate in a relationship?
Well...
If you are any of the following things, then no, I can't date you:

• If you believe women should make you a sandwich. 
• Don't respect my personal opinions. 
• Don't give me personal space (hey, you have your bro time, I should have my own time to do  whatever I please.)
• Be a complete pig. Need I say more?

Basically, I want to be respected. Is that too much to ask?

Olympics.

I don't think I spelled the title of this entry right. If I haven't, then I deeply am sorry, and plan to invest into some spell check. Until then, I plan to carry on with this blog entry. Be prepared world.
This past weekend, as many of you guys are, I was tuned into the 2012 Olympic games. I will admit that I've not seen much, nor understood it. (I'm not exactly the world's biggest sports fan) However, it did get me to thinking about something.
It got me thinking about how amazing it is how many people there are that are united by a single front, or thing in common. It reminds me that people can be united, and exist together, peacefully. It reminds me that the dream exists in people that are next door to me, and the dream exists in people who live halfway across the world.
We are all human. We all dream. When we cry, we cry tears. When we laugh, it's usually because something funny just happened. We all aren't that different after all.
And that's what the Olympics, every four years, reminds me of.

A Role Model.

As some of you may know, I'm a huge fan of the television show Ugly Betty. If not, then hey, I'm an Ugly Betty fan. She's like a role model, in addition the show being entertaining.
What makes a role model? Well, a role model is someone who does things that inspire others. A role model is someone who might not necesarily be the best at something, but they tend to have a very broad defination of being able to looked up to. Fictional character or not, it doesn't matter. Everyone has a role model.
One of my role models is the show's protagonist, Betty. I consider Betty to be a role model because she is a writer, and a blogger, both things I am. She knows what she wants, and she's a strong person. She's a good friend to Daniel, (her boss), and sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants. Yet, she doesn't let that stop her. What I admire about her the most is although sometimes life doesn't go her way, nothing would rain on her parade. That's a good skill to have in life, because nothing ever goes smoothly in life, a skill I sometimes wish to possess. I also love how she works hard to get everything that she desires, and when she gets it, it's because she deserves it.
Go Betty.
We all can learn something from her. I learned to work for what I want; to fight for who/what I love, and to take chances. What can you learn from Betty?

"To Stop and Smell the Roses".

In the fast paced lives that we live in, we often forget about the little things, or to appericate them. (okay, to all of the grammar Nazi's out there, I know I spelled the word wrong. If you want, you can correct me) We often forget the little things in life, like a rainbow, or a hidden flower.  Those little things, simple yes, are things that often are over looked.
Often, time after time, we worry about the things that really don't matter. We worry about things, such as making money, finding a partner, or just small problems. Sometimes, we let the waves of life carry us in a direction that leads us into a scary surf of problems, and confusion. I can admit, myself as a teenage girl, often come to the conclusion that a small problem such as not having that "it" piece of clothing, or being without a boyfriend.(don't judge me)
Those things are small, compared to the grand scale in life. In our hasty ways, we often forget to look at the grand scale of life. We often forget to stop, and stare at the world, because underneath the problems and the hate there is a world that is truly peaceful, whether in nature, or in water (a personal area of peace for me; when I'm at the beach, I can always clear my head, and relax.
We often forget that there is small things in life that have the same meaning as the larger. By taking the time of day to do those small things, we can find inner peace, and happiness, and all of that fun stuff.

The Record Store..

Today, I got the opportunity to shop for CDs. It's literally one of my favorite things in the whole wide world to do, because I've loved music since I was an infant. I've been collecting CDs (compact discs) since I was about thirteen years old, and I have over thirty five hundred (equal to about 20 gigs) songs on my iTunes. Most of them, are taken from CDs from my collection, and the ones of my mother, father, kid brother, and friends. Today, I bought the entire discography of Christina Aguilera, one of my favorite singers of all time. (it's a tie between her, the Bangles, Demi Lovato, and Luke Bryan, these days.)
I've noticed lately how hard it is for me to find places that have good, decent music. (Well to add to my CD collection) I'm trying to find every CD Madonna ever made, (I've succeeded in finding three, the next one is Confessions on a Dance Floor. The place where I went didn't have it sadly) and the places where I'm able to get music don't have it. If they do, it's over ten dollars a pop, if it's not in the top twenty, which most of my music isn't..
I recently read an article about how in five years, CDs will be outdated. As much as I love digital downloading, (with my amount of music, the ability of being able to go onto iTunes, and getting any song at any time, is amazing), I still hold an attachment to the many CDs that occupy my bottom desk drawer. I collect CDs because I think that they are like art. The artist goes through so much to make the CD, from the cover art to it, to making sure everything is right. I love looking through the little booklets that come with them personally, in a way it's like you're learning about what's on the CD. (am I only person in the world that does that?)
Well, the point is, other than I'm a nerd with many CDs to keep me company on a Friday night, is that the decline of the 'record store' makes me sad, because then we are truely living a digital world. As much as it is great, sometimes, it's good to have things on hard copy.

The Power of Technology

This morning, I logged onto Twitter, and on my timeline, I saw this thing about the shooting of Colorado. I didn't know what was going on, so I quickly went on the safari app, and googled the colorado shooting. Within minutes, I was informed about the shooting, and what was going on.
Then, I got to thinking. Ten years ago, we consulted the news channels and the newspapers for news. I remember watching the chase of OJs car in LA at my grandparent's house. When my grandmother was a kid, she got news through the radio, and the newspapers. I recently saw the musical Newsies, and it amazed me how the news was when she was a kid. They used paper presses, and that's how people got the news. (I recommend that you all see it folks, the choreography was amazing) How do we get our news nowadays? We get our news through the Internet, whether on an iPod, (which I am using to write this), a smartphone, a tablet, and the computer. We learn things through social media, whether it's big news like this, or school side gossip. We can literally go onto Facebook and Twitter, and find information, even though sometimes it may not be a hundred percent right. Then, we would take the initiative to look things up, on a news site, to verify whether or not it's right.
It also amazes me how news can travel so quickly. Before you would have to wait for a newspaper or an evening news program. Now, when news happens, we can read it on the hour, sometimes even in the seconds after it happens. It's amazing how quickly we can get the information, how we can be informed and it's all because of technology that brings us to these news.
We are in a new era of getting information. We are in the future.

I also would like to take a moment to offer my condolences to the families and victims of this horrible tragedy. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys during this terrible time.

Taking Chances.

Today, I was watching the Ugly Betty episode, "Something Wicked this Way Comes". Basically the episode is about how Betty and Henry's relationship, how they try to hide it from prying eyes, and how they later realize that they have the share the little time that they have left together. At the end of this episode, Hilda tells Betty to not waste any moment that she has left to spend with Henry. She then tells her that if she had one last moment with her deceased husband, Santos, she would do it in a heartbeat, ignoring the fact that it might hurt her later on.
And that whole thing got me thinking. Not only about taking chances when it comes to love, but in life in general. How often do we let an opportunity slip us by, paralyzed by the fear of striking out. There was this movie, called a cinderella story. There was this quote in the movie that always kind of stayed with me, which is "never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game". That quote basically means, don't let the fear of losing keep you from trying to win. Whether it's in Betty's case, when she's in love with someone who got another girl pregnant, or in a different scenario, when you're trying to try out for a team or something. We need to take a risk, because otherwise, we won't be living the life of our dreams. Instead you will be kicking yourself for the rest of your life for not taking that chance.
I sometimes have trouble taking my own advice, because the thought of taking a chance of any sort scares me. I fear rejection, and it's often blinded me to not do what I always wanted to do. But, as I grow into adulthood, I do realize that some times, you just have to take a chance.
Hilda in a way was right. We need to take a chance in our lives, and it might hurt, and it might not turn out the way that we are planning it to, but at the end of the day, at least we know what is meant to be. Take the chance that you always wanted to take, right here right now. Life is too short for us to be kicking ourselves in the shin for what we could have done. Some people might call you stupid, but hey, if you're happy, who gives a damn?

Cake.

I've been thinking about cake, lately. When getting my birthday cake (it's purple and has Snoopy on it), the box showed the occasions that cake has been sold in. Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, confirmation, etc. Then I got to thinking: why does every occaison have to be marked by a cake? Why isn't it marked by something else, like pie, or a giant cookie or something.
But, there are businesses and television shows that are devoted to showcasing a baker's talent. Like Buddy on Cake Boss. That guy takes cake making to a whole different level. The cake boss literally makes pieces of art, not cake. The ones that were on last night's episode were purely amazing. Buddy, if you ever are reading this, kudos to you.
But, the thing that baffles me the most is why is it always cake?
But then, I got to thinking. Cake is something that we can share for years to come. Cake is like blue jeans; it comes in many different colors, shapes and sizes. There are vanilla cakes, chocolate cakes, red velvet cakes, and carrot cakes. (amoungst others). Each and every cake is like a symbol, to the person, to mark the celebration.
Maybe that's why we put candles in cakes instead of a birthday cookie.

18.

A couple of days ago, I turned 18. And since, I can't think of anything legit to write, I decided to write a list of 18 facts about myself. So here you go folks..:

1. I prefer CDs over digital downloading. I don't know why, since I'm joined at the hip with my iPod, but it's much more permant to have a CD, so in case the computer breaks, then you have a hard copy of the music. That, and they are pretty. 
2. I love cupcakes, better than actual cakes.
3. I have seen every episode of Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty, Sex and the City, Secret Life, Golden Girls, and Everybody Loves Raymond. I am often found to be quoting it on a daily basis.  
4. The type of music I like changes weekly. I have over three thousand songs on my iTunes, however my favorite bands/artists: The Bangles, All Time Low, Demi Lovato, and Christina Aguilera. However, lately Luke Bryan is also on that list. 
5. I have an obession with the eighties. 
6. I spend at least a half of an hour outside a day, usually reading. I find the sun to be relaxing, and fresh air is always good. My favorite place to read is on the beach. I don't know why, it's just easier to concentrate. 
7. I'm bad at math. Like really bad. However my favorite subject is English, as you probably guessed, since I enjoy reading and writing. I however enjoy history; there's something about learning about what happened yesterday, and how people lived that just fasicinates me.
8. I'm currently listening to Country Girl (Shake it for me) by Luke Bryan. It's my theme song for the summer. 
9. I have a snoopy obession. I seriously own everything that you can possibly think of. I am also wearing a snoopy shirt as I'm writing this, and my birthday cake
10. I hate my cell phone. Like a lot. Right now, I'm trying to call someone and the call won't go through.
11. When it comes to relationships, I tend to be really shy. I used to never be, but I guess with time, I kinda forgot how to make my 'move' and such. Needless to say, I'm not the best in the love department..
12. I enjoy spending lots of time with my friends. Why? Cause they are awesome! As some saying from someone goes "I get by with the help of my friends".
13. I've played the flute for nine years, and plan to contuie it through out college. 
14. I'm not very coordinated, but I love to dance. (And tend to hurt myself in the process)
15. My favorite color is purple. 
16. My people who inspire me are: my mother, Demi Lovato, my grandfather, Christina Aguilera, Betty Swarez, and Lorelai GIlmore.
17. I have four movies that I call my favorite: Dirty Dancing, Titanic, Sabrina, (1995) and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
18. If I can live on one food for the rest of my life it would be soup, because a: it's good, and b: it's really good for you.

Curiousity.

Today, while hanging out with a close friend of mine, a word of mine was brought to my attention. The word curious. The word simply means, according to my handy dandy dictionary, is eager to know something. We, as humans, tend to be curious about many things. Some might be curious about their sexuality. Others might be curious about the way the world works, like my friend is. Basically, whenever something puzzled him, like a word that we didn't know the defination of, or the distance between my college and my house (which is a solid 1.4 miles, folks), he would turn to his smart phone, and look it up. When I laughed and asked him why, he answered "because I'm curious."
Curiousity is a part of human nature. It's a part of the way that the world works, it's a part of the way humans are programmed. Often, people deny their curiousity because of fear of looking silly or laziness. But, if we gave into the whole curiousity thing, maybe we'll know more about the world around us. Ignorance can possibly be prevented.
What am I curious about? I'm curious about a lot of things. Most of them is the way that things work. Ireland. I want to travel, and explore the world. I want to play the flute, and maybe branch out to piccolo (I'm more curious about the piccolo, since I consider myself to be an advanced flute player.)
My point is that maybe we should indulge ourselves in our curiousity, enjoy it's sugary sweetness, and use it to be more well rounded.

Time.

Tomarrow is my 18th birthday. The birthday that fully makes me a legal adult. I can now vote, get a piercing with out a parent's consent, buy lottery tickets, smoke cigarettes, and face all criminal charges as an adult. Like graduation, I felt like this day would never come, yet now that it has, I can't help but want it all back. I miss the days of childhood, when I would play with dolls, and read oodles of chapter books. I used to read at least fifty books a summer. I miss the days of middle school (okay maybe not so much) trying to find my place in a world that accerlated quickly. But most of all, I'll miss high school. I'll miss band classes with my crazy teachers, I'll miss having lunch in the libary with my friends, I'll miss walking around with people, and of course, I'll miss my badminton team.
This stage of my life is so unpredictable. I wonder if I'll still be friends with people who I now am so close to. There are people who I fear so much that I'll lose touch with, who I really don't want to. I feel the open arms of my college campus welcome me, but I still feel tied down with my former life, and feelings.
They say that the high school years are your best years. When I heard that, as a freshman, I just laughed in the person's face. Here I was in a school with little organized guidance department, and with a desperate desire for friends and a boyfriend, and it was supposed to be great? I wanted to know what the hell was wrong with them, because clearly they were wrong.
Now looking back, they were right. Sure, high school had it's up and downs, but overall it was an awesome time for me. I met SO many awesome and diverse people, got to experience being in a relationship for the first time (Yes, I did get my heart broken, but I lived and learned), learned what is good, and not good for my body and most of all was able to find out who I wasn't. I have the next four years to discover who I am now, but yet I still want a little more time to be a minor.
But before I turn 18....here's some lessons I want to share with my friends who are still in high school (and love you all A LOT).

1. You only live once. Everyday could be your last, you just never know what the hell is going to be accross the corner, or down the street. 
2. Somethings are worth fighting for. Love, or a cause, those things are worth the fight.
3. Never confine what society or anyone wants you to be. Be who you want to be. The people who put you down are either jealous, or just complete jerks. 
4. Listen to your heart. Sometimes, it might not make sense, or even come out in a way that it does, but your heart knows (sometimes, better than you do) what you want. Put it's volume up, and give it a listen. 
5. Everyone has probelms. Everyone has their own sad stories to tell. You're not alone in the world. 

Ghost.

Your ghost, still haunts me in the door frame of my mind,
Your flaming hair, left behind.
I move on,
But I still hear you,
Calling me incompetent,
Leaving me those messages.
Three years ago, we made that promise,
Three years ago, it was broken. 
I never got closure,
I just got tears,
I just got pain.
I stand now, a woman whose three days shy of eighteen,
And run from the fear of never feeling so I won't get hurt.
I don't love you.
I don't hate you.
I just knew you.
I wish you luck,
I wish you love.
But that doesn't change the bitter memory of your existance.
It doesn't undo the damage.
It doesn't erase the fact that you were once here.
You're just a ghost from my fast,
Destroying  my future.
But my fears of you,
Won't make me look back.
I have to get past your ghost.
Maybe that would make it finally disappear.

Chocolate.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in the big things and the fast paced lifestyle of life that we forget the simple things that make us happy. Sometimes, the simple things are the things that create overall happiness. Things like chocolate, things like frosting, things like cookies, sitting in the sun with a novel, and things like sunshine. Yes, I'm aware that almost all of those things are food, but whatever. It's the simple things, like chocolate that can equal happiness.
I buy myself a chocolate bar once a week, and eat a little bit each day. Or rather, I eat a lot in the span of a few days, but you all get the picture. Whenever I eat that chocolate, I experience some kind of bliss, that for a few moments, I feel happy. Bubbly, even.
To me, chocolate is happiness. It's the littiest thing, yes. But I'm always happy and giddy when I eat it. Happiness is also cupcakes with LOTS of frosting, cookies, nutella, a marathon of Gilmore Girls, reading on a beach, Snoopy, and spending time with those I love. They might not be the richest stuff, but it's happiness for me, and being happy is sometimes an important thing in life.
Yes.
Happiness is chocolate.

I Am A Woman.

Hi,
I'm a woman.
I've in love, and I've been in hurt.
I've been hated by some,
I've been loved by many.
I've lost my way.
I'm a woman,
I've grown from collecting dolls,
To crying over love.
I've seen many friends come and go,
Yet I still stand tall.
I'm a woman.
I don't need anyone,
Yet I want someone to love.
I want to have someone to tell me I mean the world to him,
I want to be kissed goodnight.
I'm a woman.
Shoes are my best friend,
I can never have enough jewelry.
I line my lips with lipstick,
and cover my flaws with foundation.
I'm a woman.
I may not be perfect,
But I am me.

All Love is Blind.

There's this Alicia Keys song that goes something like "It's too bad because all love is blind". In a way, that's the truest statement on the planet. I've been watching it, in both people, and in reality TV shows. I've been watching friends, and people who are paid to complain about their lives on a camera go through it.
Why is it like that though? Why do we see that one person of interest as being perfect, having no flaws, almost as if they weren't actually human? Is it the way that love is supposed to be? 
Honestly, I want to be in love with a human, or someone who I don't think of as being on a pedastal. I want imperfect love; the kind where you don't worry about what you're wearing or the makeup, I want cracked love. I want to be able to eat in front of someone, and not feel ashamed. (yes, I've read somewhere that girls do tend to do that, and I think that it's completely stupid.) I want someone to love me, but also the imperfect side of me.
But love can sometimes blind us to the point where we can't see real probelms that need to be seen. For example, in abusive relationships, the victim tends to not see the fact that their relationship is twisted, the fact that they are being hit by someone that they love and it shouldn't happen. Love is supposed to be happy, not full of bruises, mentally or emotionally. We don't see this rather big flaw, because we love that someone and we just want them.
In the hit television show the hills, I see that with Heidi and Spencer. (Yes, I watch the Hills, it's quite addicting) Spencer basically pressured Heidi to move in with him, and I don't think that's a very good idea, especially on his end. You don't pressure someone you love. You just wait.
Overall, love is perhaps the blindest thing that we as humans can ever stumble accross. Sometimes, we just need to put our glasses on, and maybe, we can see the cracks. 

Fear

Someone once said that 'we have nothing to fear but fear itself.'Logan from Gilmore Girls once said that 'people can live a thousand years but not really living a day'. Fear is what keeps us from living. It's this invisible force between us and actually experiencing the fruits of life; the sweet fruit of risk tastes much better than the bland bread of safety. Fear is what keeps us from living the way we want to. As some guy wearing a robe in Star Wars had said 'the things you fear the most you need to lose', or something like that. I can't exactly remember what it was.
My biggest fear is falling in love or romantic relationships. I've experienced my share of bad men in my life, and all that sad stuff. I'm afraid to fall for someone and then waking up and them realizing that im not as special as they once made me out to be. I fear being cheated on, due to my parents divorce. I fear being a crazy girlfriend, you know like they ones that write crazy gf probelms on twitter? I fear most of all of losing myself, who I am, my hopes and my dreams, throwing them out the window for a guy.
Sometimes I wish that I can find a relationship. I wish that someone was there by my side to tell me that they think I'm pretty damn special. I wish I could have a chance to take a risk. I am tired of not and i think I'm ready to do something about it.
Maybe it's time I take the plunge.

Behind the Eyes

In my old AP pyschology class, we learned about the fundamental attribution error. What basically it means is that we are too quick to judge someone's actions without actually getting to know them. Like if someone is cutting you off in a road then you will probably call them an asshole or a jerk. However, they could be doing that because they are I. A hurry because a loved one is in the hospital or some other dramatic reason.
In high school, I've noticed that happen so many times. There was this girl on my bus that literally annoyed the crap out of me everyday. However I e day, she was crying about how hard her home life is. I have this friend whose home life is horrible an finds refuge in her boyfriends home because of her parents drama. Another friend deals with the confusion of being gay.
Some people tend to judge just based on how you appear. Some people tend to never look past the eyes. They tend to look at the appearance of them rather than the pain that's behind them. Judging someone by their appearance is simply a part of human nature. In the movie hitch, I learned close to 70 percent of things said are non verbal and based on appearance.That means what you see is what you get.
I'm a person with many layers of personality. As the guy in the Blind Side said "She's like an onion-you've got to peel her one layer at a time". I'm like that too. I have many layers of my personality. I struggle with my wieght, loniliness, and the desire for a father figure in my life. I wish sometimes I could walk around without a fear in the world, to be able to jump and not give a shit about the fall, and not care. But that's not the person I am.
I know that life has things happen for a reason. I think what comes around goes around. I think that I shouldn't have the fears that I do, but at night, they lie beside me. In my dreams, I am in a happy place, a utopia of no fears of the fall. I have a father figure, one who loves me and doesn't want to screw me over. I want a friend, a campanion. A beagle or a cat would suffice. Behind my eyes, lies a vulenerable girl whose not as tough as she looks.
Why don't you look behind the eyes?